Feel weak for posting but so stressed...

[chattycaterpillar]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and had covid when I was approx. 8 weeks.

I was actually asymptomatic but tested positive for the whole ten days, ( def. covid as I had a positive PCR for work). I'm now so worried that although I was asymptomatic , the covid will have damaged the pregnancy at crucial developmental stages.

I have my 12 week scan on Monday, and am terrified as I don't really feel many pregnancy symptoms anymore, ( e.g. breasts have no longer felt sore/ large for the past couple of days).

I'm terrified something's going to go wrong at the scan, either MMC or baby diagnosed with a condition incompatible with life, ( e.g. Patau syndrome).

I fell so behind with work when I had to self-isolate, ( various IT and system issues made it pretty much impossible to work from home), I've been so stressed I basically did less than the bare minimum on my return to work last week and I have a scheduled 1-2-1 with my manager tomorrow, ( we have them every 6 weeks). He's already told me by email he's "concerned about my uncharacteristic lack of response to emails last week from him", so I'm dreading the 1-2-1. He knows I'm pregnant and I 'm worried he's just going to think "pregnant and taking the piss."

We moved into a new flat approx. 3 months ago, all was fine with the boiler on moving in, however approx. six weeks after moving in the boiler broke completely. It cost over 2500 grand to replace, it has mucked up my finances just after moving and now I'm dealing with credit card debt etc, ( I already had some credit card debt before the boiler but it was manageable). I know I need to contact the credit card company and arrange a payment break , but just feel too stressed , even though I'm getting letters/ emails.

My phone is basically breaking but due to the boiler basically breaking my finances I can't afford to replace it till Tuesday, (payday), but I'm basically running out of battery five minutes into calls with friends so it's hard to call family/ friends for support.
My mum came to visit at the weekend, and all I got was constant comparison to my younger sister who had a baby last year, ( she is the golden child).
Constant comments e.g. " I hope you'll be taking the baby to paid for baby classes like your sister, I j don't want you going to the free classes and just mixing with roughs and chavs."
"I don't like those paint marks on the wall, I hope your redecorate the flat like your sister did before her baby was born."
"I really hope your not going to choose Tyler as the baby name, I'm going to be so embarrassed shouting a chav baby in the park, couldn't you have picked a nice name like your sister."
"I'm sorry it looks like a bit of a concrete jungle where you live and I don't like the playground outside your flat, shame, your sister has such a nice park in her road."

I'm also waiting for the bank to send me a new bank card, last one got lost, seems to have been lost in the post, ( they have agreed to cancel and send a new one out), but I'm constantly having to go to the bank with my passport to take cash out whilst I wait ( again !) for a new one to be sent out.
My partner is getting irritated with me, his friend came round the other evening and his friend made a lot of comments about being a sh!t housewife as the kitchen was untidy, ( it was untidy as I'd spent the evening cooking a two course meal for them). But yeah , his friend compared me to other women we know socially and said I had a lot to learn from them and what a shit housewife I'd be, ( although I'm not a housewife, I'm working full time).

I've also had an issue where I've had a very, very high needs friend stay for a ridiculously long stay, ( whole other thread, but involved her spending the stay talking about how people she'd fallen out with should burn in hell).
My partner's just getting irritated with me anyway especially as the stress has prevented me from doing normal housework tasks like laundry, cleaning the kitchen etc.
It all sounds so silly compared to what some people go through, but am just struggling to cope with it all.

Also, to add context , I had a scare with some minor bleeding at nine weeks, ( scan showed it was okay), but that has added to my worries, ( it was a nightmare getting a scan as well....)

Oh gosh Misses! Take a deep breath first of all.

You have had a couple of situations which havent been great and will make u stress abt it.

1. can you tell ur boss that ur stressed abt money and are a bit isolated from friends die to phone not working
2. maybe ask for a couple of days holiday to try and sort things out (esp round payday)?
3. can u phone ur local hospital and ask if they would do scan sooner because ur feeling stressed snd anxious and cant afford for private one?
4. maybe phone GP and get their advice abt covid and affects on pregnancy? I doubt no1 will know for certain but they may help put ur mind at ease or even give u some meds to help u feel less anxious (btw no shame in that at all)
5. ur partners friend sounds awful and sexist. Ur partner lives there and he can help. Dont feel pressured into being a "housewife ". U both work so both share the chores. I know its natural for woman to be assumed as the housewife but put ur foot down and set our a rota for u both.
6. tell ur partner ur feeling uneasy atm and need time to focus on ur mental heath.
7. regarding your mum can u tell her how u feel? If not, maybe distance urself a wee bit till ur strong enough to basically ignore her comments. Call ur baby what u want. Everyone will always have their own opinions.

Give urself a break - u have a lot on but just focus on u and ur wee bump. Just take it hour by hour if thats all u can manage. Big hugs

Sorry some spelling errors but hopefully u get what i meant!

Im here if u need to chat x

Thanks @cstx89, that was such a kind post. I'm just feeling it this evening cc

No wonder its a lot. I too am having a difficult time and its hard.

Maybe try writing a to do list, 1 for home and 1 for work and just focus on that and one thing at a time.
Take time at weekends to recover and do wee bits around the house (cleaning, tidying). Saves pennies too. Going for wee walks too.

Ur hormones wont be helping either.

Be kind to yourself. Lire is bloody hard esp just now. Deep breath and focus on u and ur mental heath.

You are pregnant and working full time.
Why is your DP allowing his friend to talk nonsense about your housewife skills?
Does your DP pull his weight around the house if you live together? He should be supporting you through your pregnancy and taking up more chores if needed.

Talk to your boss about COVID and the unexpected time off work knocking you behind temporarily and work out together how to get back on top.

Does your work have any mental health support schemes? Usually they are six weeks of anonymous to your work counseling sessions.

If not talk to your midwife about your stress levels and see if there are any other self referral counseling options around.

Hope the scan goes smoothly.

Thank you @cstx89 and @oncemoreunto for such kind replies.

I was dreading the 1-21 with my manager today, (especially as it was meant to be at 10.00 , but his train got delayed so didn't actually happen until 12.00 so I spent the morning worried). However, my manager was actually pretty reasonable. I apologised for the lack of responsiveness this week, blamed pregnancy nausea/ sickness as I didn't want to get into the whole saga with him.

Managed to cook a simple dinner tonight, ( prawn, vegetable and noodle Thai stir fry), and so my partner seemed a bit happier to come home to a proper dinner cooked. I managed to get the laundry done as well, sounds ridiculous but I'd been so stressed the past couple of weeks it was really building up.

I still feel quite panicky about being behind at work, but am just trying to slowly build myself up to normal speed.

I still feel very, very panicky about the credit card debt, ( stupid boiler), so my next step is to call the credit card company tomorrow.

I think I'm going to be highly stressed for several weeks, but am just going to try and make little changes day by day.

I still feel incredibly anxious about the scan on Monday, and know I have a lot of catching up/ reproving myself at work to do, but am now just trying to breathe through feeling so overwhelmed.

I just wanted to add I don't think you are weak in the slightest.
You are pregnant, have had a significant illness, work full time and on top of this seem to be funding and running round after a useless lump of bloke.
You are doing very well to still be up and going.

I'm sure your baby will be fine, I do remember how stressful it was before scans though.

I'm glad your work was more supportive than you expected.

I am glad ur 121 wasnt as bad as what u may have thought it would be. I get so anxious abt these types of things as well. If ur working from home- try and put a cheeky wash on in between tasks the hang up etc. Write a list of stuff u need to catch up on n just do 1 thing at a time.

Ur defo not weak. Ur pregnant, stressed and tired. Pls be kind to yourself.

Fingers crossed the credit card company can do something to support u.

This weekend just do little tasks, relax n watch some people tv. Hopefully it flies in for you to get to Monday.

Pls let us know how it goes. Excited for u.

I had twin boys, was a high risk pregnancy and ended up having hyperemesis gravidarum from 4 months pregnant- it was tough.

Chin up - u know where we are. Big hugs

Jesus, your partners mate would never be coming round to my house ever again. In fact he wouldn’t be going anywhere because I’d have knocked his bloody block off. But my partner would have shut him up and put him in his place before I’d had chance.

Thanks so much. Just venting here seems to be keeping me sane.

Also stressed because my personal laptop is breaking, ( partner yanked it out my hands when he wanted attention for something, and the back is clearly coming off of it ). Obviously with the boiler situation I don't have money to replace it atm, but I'm trying to tell myself, don't worry, I have a work laptop, can use my work laptop for the next couple of months for general browsing, so just trying to look on the positive.

@ZealAndArdour

Jesus, your partners mate would never be coming round to my house ever again. In fact he wouldn’t be going anywhere because I’d have knocked his bloody block off. But my partner would have shut him up and put him in his place before I’d had chance.

Yes the friend is a dickhead !!

chattycaterpillar please don't apologize for "being weak".

You are not weak in the least, you sound like a lovely person, who has a lot going on in her life. You have supported your friend massively and it sounds like you are trying to do your best in every area of your life.

First of all, early pregnancy is tiring and worrying in itself.

Second, I know this isn't the optimum time to question your relationship but reading between the lines, your partner doen't sound very supportive.

Was it only your finances which were ruined when the boiler broke? Or did your dp take a hit too? Does he have credit card debt too? Why are you responsible for cooking an evening meal and tidying up when you are both working ft and you are pregnant? Does he do laundry or housework or tidying up? Why is it your sole responsibility? Why is he allowing his friend to criticise you, especially when you had cooked them both a meal? Is he supporting you about your anxieties over the pregnancy? Why is he snatching a laptop out of your hands? Is he normally rough like this?

Sorry for all of the questions but I am trying to establish whether or not there is a root cause for all of these issues. If your mother is critical of you, you may not have grown up knowing how to put good boundaries in place.

@Feelsliketeenspirit108 I've always done most of the cooking in the relationship. Neither of us work weekends, but he works late shifts Monday-Friday, (1.00-10.00pm), so I've always done the cooking so he has dinner to come home to, ( although tbf, cooking isn't really his thing so I cook at weekends to). He's not aggressive, but is very immature/ attention seeking, and so climbing on top of me/ snatching laptop etc to get attention he thinks is a joke. Unfortunately, on this occasion it has seriously damaged the laptop, and with my financial situation being what it is atm, it's harder to replace. Fortunately I can use my work laptop for "personal browsing," etc for the next couple of months. He does do general tidying, but I tend to do most of the hoovering/ cleaning/ laundry, ( however, both of us probably have too relaxed standards around housework, it's not really show home standard). He didn't want to pay much towards the boiler, as the mortgage, ( and therefore flat), is in my name only.

However, i'm trying to take things one step at a time. Am nervous about the scan but feel a bit more reassured that my pregnancy symptoms seem to have come back over the past day or so, ( now have very sore boobs as I type). Going to make a "to do," list over the weekend, am also using the phone issue as an excuse to minimise contact with my parents, ( obviously I could message/ videocall them from laptop if I wanted to), as I feel my mum's demands will add to the stress.

It is my nephew, ( my sister's baby), baby naming ceremony next weekend,( we will be travelling down to stay for the weekend as my sister lives four hours away), so am bracing myself for that so am trying to relax. hibernate this weekend as much as possible.

I've also reached out to PANDA's for some email support r.e. prenatal anxiety, and they sent me quite a nice email back today and said they could provide ongoing email support over the next few months r.e pregnancy anxiety which was quite nice.

Feelsliketeenspirit108 that's great that you have got in touch with Panda's op! And that your pregnancy symptoms have returned. I hope everything goes well for your scan . And well done for tackling things one at a time.

I can understand why you want the mortgage to be in your name only for now.

I hope you can protect yourself from your mother next weekend and put in good boundaries. Good upside about the phone situation limiting contact!

In future I think you and your dp need to have a chat about how things will change when you become parents and how you are going to share financial and parenting responsibilities, so the lion's share doesn't fall on you. This article is aimed at a US reader, but gives you a framework of things to talk about:

www.fastcompany.com/3061908/a-practical-guide-for-working-parents-to-divide-household-responsibilities

Good luck!

Sorry chattycaterpillar, that reply was meant to be addressed to you, in response to yours, but I managed to cut and paste my own NN there! Apologies!

Thanks @Feelsliketeenspirit108.

Often it feels like I'm dealing with an extra child , before the baby is even born ! I am doing some baking later today to try and calm myself, and have started scrapbooking.

I think I just feel pressure coming in from all angles atm.

So I've been really stressed over the weekend about the scan tomorrow, still just terrified something will go wrong. But I've been feeling really sick and faint over the weekend, which may be a sign the pregnancy is progressing well.

Cracked and got a new phone early as I just couldn't stand not being able to speak to anyone. Have felt so weak and low energy.

Unfortunately my partner has been quite difficult about the arrangements for travelling up to my sister's baby naming ceremony at the weekend, ( it is my friend's 30th on Friday, so I have a long planned arrangement to go to her birthday lunch on that day, my partner is furious about having to travel up after the lunch. Lots of ranting and it's just added to my stress levels).

Plus my mum messaging every five minutes about what we are wearing to the baby naming ceremony, as she wants us to look nice. But now I have a phone back have managed to have a nice long phone chat with my friend which is nice. Just fingers crossed everything goes well tomorrow !

I just feel stressed all the time , dreading the scan in case it shows something wrong, my partner is going on and on and on and on about the arrangements for travelling at the weekend, how he wants me to cancel my friend's, ( planned before the naming ceremony date), birthday lunch, feel sick and nauseous and still worried about catching up at work although getting there slowly, f lift in our flats has broken so I'm going to have to get onto the ( rubbish ! ) leaseholders tomorrow, partner also seems irritated I'm in the mood for sex less cos of pregnancy nausea, stressed about cost of replacing laptop

I just wanted to say you sound amazingly resilient. You are definitely going through a lot of tough events colliding simultaneously. I think I read a post from you about your friend who visits and that sounded so stressful... I only can have 1set of friends over once a week for about 3 hours or I feel drained. I hope all your medical scans go well. I will be sending out good thoughts. I understand why you want the mortgage in your name only for the time being also but also agree with others about the fact you need more help at home with housework etc. You are pregnant and working and just recovered from covid you need a break and time to chill and to be looked after too.

Why is your partner not contributing to laptop as he broke it?

Op I hope everything goes well with your scan and that you start feeling better soon

It sounds like you are doing a lot of running around pleasing others when you are not feeling well yourself and your dp, who should be supporting you in early pregnancy, is making things worse and is in a huff about sex fhs! Seriously op, what you have written about him is quite worrying, are you sure you don't want to reassess this relationship?

Thank you so much for all the replies.

Just an update to say I went to the scan today and all seemed fine so far, which is obviously really good as my anxiety had hit the roof with that over the weekend:)

I had my blood tests for the nuchal test taken as well, and it will take a week or so to get the results back so a little worried about that, but I know I just have to wait and be patient.

As for my partner, whilst he's not horrible, I do need to have a chat with him about acceptable behaviour at some point. The constant , ( and I mean constant), nagging asking me to change the travel arrangements for my nephew's naming ceremony made me feel ill. He's excited for the baby, but needs to understand pregnancy isn't a walk in the park for women.

He thinks now I'm 12 weeks, ( dated 12w 6 days at the scan ),, that all the nausea should "be over now," and whilst I wish that was true, it isn't currently.

But fortunately, I have the evening to myself to unwind. I just need to take things day at a time, 12 week scan ticked off, get the nuchal bloods ticked off next :) I do think having a phone back and being able to talk / message friends is making me slightly calmer though.

However, and again this probably feeds into my "feeling weak," thoughts, I have said if I'm still feeling this anxious in two weeks I may speak to my GP for Fluoxetine, ( I was on a very low dose, 10mg a day, prior to the pregnancy, but stopped when TTC). I felt fine, but with everything that's happened in the last few weeks I can feel myself feeling very shaky, ( e.g. I temporarily mislaid my new phone at work today, and could feel myself feeling so anxious and shaky).
I thought I'd see how I feel when I speak to credit card company, get the blood screening tests back and get more back into the swing of things at work after the two week covid absence, but if I'm still feeling anxious in two weeks, I will make an appointment with the GP and ask for a further fluoxetine prescription. She seemed very confident when I spoke to her that at the dose I was taking, ( 10mg), there wouldn't be any real risk to the pregnancy, but it was my personal choice to stop.