Feeling very suicidal today

[Turkishdelightchocisace]

I am reluctant to post here because I never post on forums and am always the last to ask for support but I am really struggling. I am feeling really low today. I feel absolutely useless as a person and like I am no use to society and this has been said to me in the past.

I'm 37 now and been disabled due to an accident that happened when I was just 19 years old. My disability is a hidden one and as a result I have just been labelled as lazy.

I have no friends, any friends I did have just left when things got tough. I have tried time and time again to join things but it never leads to anything more. I have gone into myself so much and even more so the last 2 years since lockdown. I have very little support. My parents are great but they have their own worries and I don't want to feel like I'm a burden. I already see a therapist and that helps to a degree but it still doesn't help the loneliness or the self loathing.

I am just really struggling to go on lately and to hang on to any bit of hope and I feel pretty pathetic for feeling sorry for myself when there are so many other things going on in the world right now.

I am sorry you are feeling this way.

Can you try calling the Samaratins? Sorry I haven't got much advice to give, I just didn't want to read and run xx

Sending lots of love and hugs to you

I have days where I feel down and try to just focus on the positives of my life even if you feel there is nothing there definitely is!!

Also you can text the Samaritans for professional help and advice : Text SHOUT to 85258

There is so much help out there for mental health now please don’t let yourself suffer these thoughts

God love you
I've had Suicidal thoughts in the past.
Please, Please reach out to your GP.
Phone your Surgery first thing tomorrow morning.
If you want to chat PM me.

(((HUG)))

Whatever wanker said you are no use to society was wrong, mean & is probably of little fucking use themselves.

Teenagers/early 20's mostly lack the skills to remain friends with someone whose life has completely changed. I saw the thing when my godson was in a life changing accident. His friends lives grew & changed & they struggled to know what to do it say to my. GS when his life just crashed & then stood still for several years. I don't really blame them because they just grew up while he didn't for a long time & even now has 'delays' & difficulties that make him 'different'. It's sad.

Yes, there's a LOT going on in the world right now, but THIS is your life and that's important too!

Don't say anything you don't want to ok, but can you say anymore about your disability, or how it impacts you? Then maybe someone can make some suggestions if things that might help.

Are there things you can do that you enjoy doing? (Or used to enjoy doing)That we might be able to suggest ways to give it more meaning for you?

I don't want to suggest anything that you're unable to do because if your disability.

Xx💐

That sounds really tough :(

Definitely a band-aid rather than an actual solution but: good book? Computer game (sims for the win) or rubbishy (free) App?
Just something to ‘get through’ a few more hours today and tomorrow you might be feeling more up to tackling things?

A CBT technique that I quite like (but I’m too lazy to write out, so just do in my head) is to list EVERY possible solution to an issue or problem you’re having, including all those which you’d usually dismiss as ‘ridiculous’ or ‘I’d never do that’ or ‘too expensive’ etc. Amongst all the noise, (for me at least) it does turn up possible solutions that I wouldn’t have come across if I wasn’t thinking ‘outside the box’ if this makes sense?

Love your username - I’m sooo craving chocolate right now!

OP I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time of it. You’re not in the least bit pathetic. You sound as though you’ve had a lot of very difficult things to deal with in life. Does your therapist know that you’re dealing with suicidal thoughts?

Hi Turkishdelightchocisace,

We're sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now.

When any of our users are feeling as you do today we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

We hope things look a whole lot brighter for you soon.
Very best wishes from MNHQ

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. My disability affects the way I walk and I also have Ehlers Danlos syndrome and chronic pain. I think today has also brought up a lot of painful things because it's the anniversary of one of my best friends
He committed suicide 11 years ago and we were very close.

Well doenbfor posting. That's a really good step. I have been where you are, with really really dark thoughts. It's so hard isn't it? For today, I'd just work in tiny steps to pass the time. A shower, some food and bed perhaps?

You are not alone ! You are a strong person to reach out and say your feeling low that takes a lot of courage ! You should be proud of yourself! Samaritans are an amazing organisation if that's something you would consider. Sending best wishes to you

I hope you're feeling a bit better today 💐

I know your parents are busy but do you think you should let them know how you you are feeling?
It's really difficult but sometimes you have to spell out how you are feeling.
I really hope you feel better soon.
You might start to find it easier to make friends as you get older. People sometimes have more time and life experience then when they are younger.

Thanks everyone for your kindness. I'm a little better today, I'll try to speak to my parents later and also tried to get out in the garden just for some air. I think I've been in my head a bit too much the past few days and it hasn't helped much, I need to do more to distract myself as I find when I'm busy it helps

I just read this Matt haig quote on Instagram and thought of you. I hope tomorrow feels easier x

Can you join online support groups for others who have similar disabilities?

Or Google local support groups in your area?

I agree that loneliness is so hard. Can you volunteer in your local charity shop/homeless kitchen?

I think keeping busy, especially with other people around is very helpful, so voluntary work is a good idea.

@Snowdropbulbs that is so beautiful thank you. I love Matt Haigs books

@quitelikeit and @notgettingbetter thank you. I have enquired about volunteering at a charity shop and also been looking at an organization' that has meet ups for my disability so hopefully that could be something that will help and will allow me to meet like minded people

You are making such positive steps, your must be proud of yourself already. Just keep going and self care is important. Face mask night ?

@whysoserious123 a face mask sounds like a great idea. I love the simple sheet masks