If you’re depressed how ‘useful’ are you?

[ChristinaBlang]

So I have a condition which mean I suffer from depression on a regular basis. I spend about 6 months depressed, 6 months pulling myself out of it, get about a year healthy before the whole thing starts again.
My question is how much do depressed people manage to do. I am stay at home parent but at the moment I don’t get out of bed to take the dc to school. I do manage pick up as I feel better I’m the middle of the day. I do the running around to after school activities. Then as the evening wears on I go downhill again and don’t cook etc.
I spend about 90% of my day sat watching tv. The first few times I was depressed I put lots of energy into trying to do things like walking to help but experience shows me nothing helps.
So if you are in the pit of depression how much are you doing?

I don’t know. I’ve never given myself the permission to stop doing the usual (job, kids, housework) because I worry if I ever did stop I’d never start again. Most of my depression manifests itself by having awful thoughts about myself, wanting to withdraw from any social contact, brain fog and tiredness. Right now I just feel like I don’t even want to be alive, yet doing all the things expected of me still.
No idea if my answer helps OP, sorry. Hope you feel better soon (what an awful thing to say actually but what else can you)

I don't know
I have to work and have caring duties so to some extent, that's non negotiable...normally I'm okay at looking after my own stuff but at the moment, I am dreadful at it. No longer sure if problem is depression or ADHD.

I know what you mean about six month cycles but have no idea how to change it. Also it might be weather related or linked to other things going on.

I do what I can, I work part time but if I have a day off and no one's in I tend to just sit or sleep all day until 10 mins before pick up time and then run around like an idiot so it looks like I've been busy. I'm in a relationship where I do 95% if everything though, so every meal time, most childcare, most cleaning etc. I hate it but in some ways it does me a favour I guess. The main thing I've stopped hating on myself if I can't do much one day, I have chronic depression, if my leg was falling off I wouldn't be calling myself names because I didn't wash up you know?

I find it interesting you crash at the start and end of the day, but can manage the middle when it’s the school pick up.

Is this because you HAVE to do the school pick up? What would happen if you didn’t turn up for the school run? Would the consequences for that be big or embarrassing?

If so maybe you would benefit from more structure and having more things you have to do. That’s what helped me anyway so just a suggestion.

@Tdcp

I do what I can, I work part time but if I have a day off and no one's in I tend to just sit or sleep all day until 10 mins before pick up time and then run around like an idiot so it looks like I've been busy. I'm in a relationship where I do 95% if everything though, so every meal time, most childcare, most cleaning etc. I hate it but in some ways it does me a favour I guess. The main thing I've stopped hating on myself if I can't do much one day, I have chronic depression, if my leg was falling off I wouldn't be calling myself names because I didn't wash up you know?

Yes I sometimes wonder if I expect too much of myself I said on another thread, I wonder if there’s a job like a tidying person and how much do they charge!

I have to work as I need the money so I'm forcing myself to perform well at work and I clean the house because living in a pit is not going to make me feel better.

I do admin because no-one else will do it.

I work part time and look after my grandchild one day a week. I have had depression on and off since my teens. I take medication have has counselling, which has helped a great deal to understand why I feel the way I do.
I found the structure of work helped me, also I write lists of jobs to be done, even writing menus for two weeks ahead.
I was a SAHM for 11 years and that is when I started the lists, it also helps having a partner who jollies me along, he makes me laugh.

I try and swim some days which helps me. It's getting the motivation to get there though especially when it is cold out. Spend too much time on the computer, sleeping (find the meds make me tired) It varies from day to day. DH has just been moaning about the state of the place and has been going some cleaning. I struggle with guilt about not doing enough. I'm not working, I do have a physical health problem also and get PIP/ESA, not working atm.

I find a weekly planner helpful, at least makes me feel I have done stuff when it is on there even if it is just a thing a day.

@EmmaH2022

I used to be a cleaner and I had a client that was chronically ill but she liked doing the cleaning herself, I specifically tidied up for her a few times a week to make her life easier.

DH has bipolar (type 2) and has long periods of depression with occasional breaks. When he's really bad, he only cooks dinner. In a whole day. He has to do that because the kids need to eat and I am working full time. If he didn't need to cook, he would barely ever eat. Some days he finds it really hard and stressful just doing dinner.
Like you, he says the advice to go far a walk/exercise etc doesn't do anything for him. But I actually think not working and sitting around all day makes his depression worse. It certainly isn't making it better. Medication is helping a bit, but there's a lot to be said for routine and the self esteem you get from working.

[quote Tdcp]@EmmaH2022

I used to be a cleaner and I had a client that was chronically ill but she liked doing the cleaning herself, I specifically tidied up for her a few times a week to make her life easier.[/quote]
Maybe I should ask around. Even see if a college student wants the odd bit of work. Mum used to have a student mow her lawn.

In terms of exercise, I’m going through a phase where it makes me feel worse. I had been reducing medication in the hopes of maybe stopping it after 25 years but now wondering if I’ve just made myself ill!

do you think the bad weather winter makes you are down,could you have SAD,i usually feel a bit brighter when the weather gets better

Unfortunately I have to get up and get shit done because I have absolutely no option not to.

The hardest part of my day every day is getting out of bed. It's like Groundhog Day every morning

I suffer with similar cycles. I am well and myself for a long period of time and then sink back into crippling depression anxiety for a long time.

Since my son has started school I have by been unable to avoid drop off and pick up. I also have to leave the house around 1 and a half before he starts school due to other commitments. I can't afford not to work and thus hold a full time job regardless of my illness although this is a struggle.

I find that having stuff i have to do keeps me going. Although it causes lots of tears panic and stressful nights I get it done. My husbands work means he cannot take on much of the responsibilities due to his hours.

I just had DH going on me last night for not working, etc says he thinks I am 'using' him to pay the bills...it's really not that simple.

Most people with depression still have to go to work, parent their children, cook, clean etc so watching tv all day isn’t an option.

@DeckTheHallsWithGin

Most people with depression still have to go to work, parent their children, cook, clean etc so watching tv all day isn’t an option.

Exactly. It's a bloody struggle but what choice do I have?

Today I had that embarrassing thing where someone started talking to me (in office today) and I didn't have enough head space for chat. He's new and needs help. I'm going to go for a quick walk and then go back and try to help him. It's like I run out of brain power after a couple of hours.

I’m puzzled by what people are calling depression, how do you work if it takes every fibre of your being not to kill yourself. I assumed most people with true depression would be signed of work.

There functional and non functional depression just like there's functional and non functional alcoholics. Things affect people differently. I can go to work and wish I'd never been born just as some one else can't make it out of bed and wish the same.

Another way of looking at it is how many successful and hugely popular celebrities / musicians are found dead through suicide. One of my favourite band members were filmed working in the studio and laughing and joking with his family the day before he took his own life. It doesn't make depression any less serious because you can manage to get on with things like parenting / work etc

@Tdcp

Another way of looking at it is how many successful and hugely popular celebrities / musicians are found dead through suicide. One of my favourite band members were filmed working in the studio and laughing and joking with his family the day before he took his own life. It doesn't make depression any less serious because you can manage to get on with things like parenting / work etc

Exactly!

Life long sufferer of depression. When I'm really bad I still function as normal, working full time, childcare etc.

The main difference is that I am 100% detached. I go through the motions but there's nothing there. I don't laugh, smile, enjoy life. I stop being interested in anything (even stuff I am passionate about) and go to bed as soon as the kids go. I get flexi days which I will spend sleeping.

I do absolutely need the structure of work to stop it all unravelling, but it's still pretty bad.

@ChristinaBlang

I’m puzzled by what people are calling depression, how do you work if it takes every fibre of your being not to kill yourself. I assumed most people with true depression would be signed of work.

Because for some of us we do not have the option not to work.

For people who don't have partners to subsidise it's either don't go to work and lose everything or force yourself to get up and go to work even though you're feeling bitterly disappointed that you woke up in the first place.

For me I clung to the hope that one day id recover and rebuild myself. The odd times I still have the flashbacks and memories, but I try to keep focus and positive as best as possible.