How did you know you were having a breakdown?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I think I am. And I'm terrified.

I knew I was because I felt like I wasn’t in the present moment, like everything was a dream. Hard to explain. But I the lines between real & imaginary became a bit blurred. Can you call your local crisis line?

I was having constant panic attacks, crying, shaking. I felt like I was dying or the world was ending. I couldn't see a future, I couldn't see a way out. Is someone with you? You need to see gp/counsellor/mental health person. Stay safe keep talking xxxx

Thank you for replying. How did you seek help? What happened?

I couldn't put one thought in front of another, took me hours to plan what I was going to do for dinner. Couldn't lift my head off my pillow, dragged myself through every moment. I didn't seek help tbh, that was too many steps, could not speak to a stranger if my life depended on it. I have improved a lot, but still avoid any kind of intrusions. My landlord had to do a gas check and I put it off until they were threatening police .

I have as little to do with anyone as I can. Not great, I was getting slightly better, then pandemic and bam back to the start. Tbh I have no idea even how to get help, one Dr just went on and on about getting a job, like a job coach . I don't trust anyone, probably quite paranoid. What can you do.

I wanted to escape. Run away. My children were tiny and one was sick.

I got medical help and antidepressants, recovered, and have been largely fine since. Minor depression on and off but nothing life-altering.

At the time I thought it was the end. But it was literally just a few months of horror and then normality returned pretty sharpish.

Would you like to say here what is going on? And also whether there is someone IRL you can call on? They will want to help you, they really will xx

I couldn’t function. Couldn’t work or do any household or child related duties. Felt like I was wading through treacle. Like everything was too hard.
I went to GP. Broke down and cried and got signed off, CBT, medication.
Sooooo much better. So glad I did.
You deserve to be well OP.

I couldn't function, I just sat on the floor for hours going over and over my impossible situation and hoping either I or the person I had been trying to support for years would die. Fortunately we are both ok but things are still not great and I don't feel any joy from absolutely anything. Guess I feel numb.

Try to remember "this too shall pass"

The situation we are in now, won't be forever.

I can think back to times it all felt hopeless and can't believe I got out of them, but I did.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

I just knew I’d hit the wall and couldn’t carry on. I booked an emergency GP appointment for that day and ended up camping out in the waiting room until they could see me because that’s where I felt safest. The GP was lovely and made an urgent referral to the mental health team who scooped me up pretty quickly. Lots of hugs op xxxx

If you feel like this OP please go and speak to someone and get some help, I hope you feel better soon.

Don’t wait to label it
ring mental health crisis team Samaritans on line support and contact all your friends and family now out of hours doctors and scream for help
Take the medication and engage with therapy
Get signed off work
You WILL get better and find joy again in life
I was rambling to myself and constantly awake and wired

Never forget you will be well again and life will be easy and fun again in time . Sending love xx

For me it started with an anxious feeling that wouldn't go away even though I had a lovely life and nothing to be anxious about. Then i couldn't sleep or eat. I would go between feeling like a caged animal pacing the floor to lying on the couch unable to move. I was terrified I would lose control of my mind. I went to my GP who seemed fairly certain that whatever I had was temporary and prescribed sertraline. I also went to see a private CBT therapist (because the 18 week nhs waiting list seemed like forever). And having an understanding of what was happening in my brain was really helpful. I also then started looking after myself. Walking, nice baths, eating better, cut down on the booze and really prioritised those people in my life who I love and love me back.

@DueyCheatemAndHow do you have anyone to sit with you?

I couldn't function. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think.

I stopped bathing, my hair became a matted mess, no teeth brushing etc
Everything seemed like a huge effort even just putting on a load of washing.
Couldnt eat or sleep or sleeping constsntly. No interest in anything.
Intrusive thoughts, convinced my kids would be better off without me, thought of ending it every day then i attempted to take my life.
After years of being under the gp for depression and anti depressants I was referred to mental health team and began to see a psychiatrist and psychotherapist. I had my meds sorted out and gradually things have improved. I always know when im starting to struggle as my self care goes out the window .
I hope you can get some help and support

@Featuredcreature

I couldn't put one thought in front of another, took me hours to plan what I was going to do for dinner. Couldn't lift my head off my pillow, dragged myself through every moment. I didn't seek help tbh, that was too many steps, could not speak to a stranger if my life depended on it. I have improved a lot, but still avoid any kind of intrusions. My landlord had to do a gas check and I put it off until they were threatening police .

I have as little to do with anyone as I can. Not great, I was getting slightly better, then pandemic and bam back to the start. Tbh I have no idea even how to get help, one Dr just went on and on about getting a job, like a job coach . I don't trust anyone, probably quite paranoid. What can you do.

Oh love your heart. I just want to put my arms around you and give you a giant hug.

Much, pretty much all of what you say, resonates with me as that's how I feel too.

Huge hugs Unmumsnetty hugs but please please do try to reach out to someone. I found my GP and she is brilliant.

💕

Intrusive thoughts, operating on autopilot feeling like I was in a goldfish bowl I was looking out at everyone and they were looking in on me. My legs felt like they couldn't carry me like I was about to collapse at any time. Crying because I didn't want to feel like I did. Awful brain fog and tiredness.
Luckily I have a really supportive family friends and doctor it's not the first time it had happened so I knew the signs and was able to tell them so I got the help I needed. I hope you are able to speak to someone and feel better soon

@GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough

Intrusive thoughts, operating on autopilot feeling like I was in a goldfish bowl I was looking out at everyone and they were looking in on me. My legs felt like they couldn't carry me like I was about to collapse at any time. Crying because I didn't want to feel like I did. Awful brain fog and tiredness. Luckily I have a really supportive family friends and doctor it's not the first time it had happened so I knew the signs and was able to tell them so I got the help I needed. I hope you are able to speak to someone and feel better soon

Yes, you summarised me better than I did! The intrusive thoughts being the worst - thousands a day, crippling. I thought I would never be well again. I couldnt even remember how to be well. But I am, and you can be too OP. Please ask for help

OP if you need assistance now please go to A&E. Just tell them how you feel. They will refer you to the mental health team who are on duty there tonight. They will do an assessment and start the ball rolling for a long treatment plan x

Thank you.
I'm listening. I really am. I'm trying so hard.

I went to gp. I didn't want antidepressants but they gave me a weeks supply of Valium. Which got me on my feet. I got an appointment with a counsellor for CBT and started a mindfulness course. (All with nhs) I tried acupuncture and reiki (nice but didn't do much). I tried to eat healthier and cut out caffeine. I took up yoga and meditation. I started hypnotherapy and learnt emotional freedom technique. I lived in the present, I started with one hour at a time and built my way up from there. It took time but I started to feel better.

For me it was constant panic attacks. Terrified of walking the dog just in case I saw someone I had to speak to. Terrified of going to the shop. Any interaction with anyone outside of the house apart from my mum was terrifying.

Feel better soon xxx

OP we are also hear to listen. Don’t be afraid of asking for help. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you just can’t do it by yourself.

@Cheekypeach unfortunately it wasn't my first rodeo. Look up derealisation www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/feeling-unreal-what-is-it-like-to-live-with-derealisation/ it explains better than me

Much of the above. I also kept thinking for the months preceeding it that I was having breakdown.

So if you're asking the question, op, then I'd wager you are.

Make an emergency appointment with your gp first thing and just tell them as much as you can.

If you can't wait til then, call the numbers given above, 111 or even 999.

Or tell someone you're with or who can get to you this evening.

A really important thing to remember though, op, is that it does get better. You will get better.