How did you know you were having a breakdown?

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

I think I am. And I'm terrified.

Bless you OP. I really feel for you and can understand what you are going through. Until recently I had no experience or appreciation of mental health issues - and then last summer I began to have my own. With hindsight I think the trigger was menopause on top of the pandemic, my dad’s death from Covid and lots of issues my DC were experiencing as a result of the lockdowns. I didn’t recognise it quickly enough and ended up going down a very destructive path, convincing myself I was seriously ill and ended up on an antidepressant which I didn’t react well to. I should have been offered HRT instead. My GP care was very inconsistent and actually contributed to the problem. I am still suffering the physical and mental consequences of this which has led me into another MH crisis right now.
As PPs have suggested, my advice would also be to seek immediate help from MH care services if you feel your health or life are in immediate danger. Also the Samaritans are amazing - I have spoken to them several times.
In the longer term I’d say go and see your GP face to face ( my mistake was to let mine misdiagnose me over the phone) and take a friend or relative with you to ensure the GP absolutely understands what you need and gets you the right care.
Sending you a big hug and hope you feel better soon.

I stopped being able to function.
It was like something snapped in my brain. I couldn't think straight and my behaviour became erratic.
I forgot people needed to eat so just stopped and ended up in hospital as I went into shock.
I became a completely different person and needed home visits from support workers.

It was a terrifying time for myself and those around me but with support (and a shit ton of medication) I got better. The initial effects of the breakdown lasted a few months but it took about a year and a half to get back to a place of mental stability.
Please speak to your dr and get as much help as you can.
I hope you're ok xx

How are you this morning?

Thank you so much for all your replies. I am reading them all.

Well I'm up and about (but then I always am) but it's hard. I just want to go to sleep but I have 2 small children so that isn't isn't option

I bought everything I needed to take my life. Thought about that constantly, otherwise on autopilot, still went to work. No one knew. Things felt unreal.

Things can be better OP. Chat to your GP.

How are you feeling today OP? I hope you're ok.

I was crying most days and functioning in a busy stressful job with a bully boss and colleague. I was up most of the night worrying about work. Also living in an ASB area.
I felt suicidal. I called the Samaritans.
I should have left the job sooner as it nearly killed me.... one of my biggest regrets was not leaving earlier.
I'm in a better place now, on medication and in a new Job and area.

Life can get better, please ask for support💐 x

I didn't realise at the time, but with hindsight, it was when I lost my grip on reality. I couldn't work out what perfectly normal things were - spent over an hour trying to work out whether a tortoise at the zoo was a fish, what a fork was for etc.; I also thought I was living in my own hallucination. Additionally I was halucinating mythical/horror monsters and was suicidal.

I have had (I think) two breakdowns and didn't see either until afterwards. It is bloody brilliant that you are seeing your issues as they exist OP! I would urge you to see your GP OP. I have never had the insight into my mental issues to seek help at the time. It's fucking hard to deal with on your own and I wish so much that I had recieved help.