Severe Anxiety about VOCs and carpet glue and spray

[DeeDee3210]

Hello all,

I have always had worries about my child’s health. To a point where I did seek help but CBT didn’t help. This time it is about carpet. I knew about VOCs but logic was telling me that so many people put new carpets in and as long as not in the room for 72 hours so my logic went with it. As the room is so cold and will be my 2 year olds so wanted to get it ready for him in time for May when my next baby is due.

On Tuesday they installed it on laminate, I had my doubts on the day but didn’t say anything. Wednesday late afternoon I broke down and couldn’t breathe with panic. My husband was so worried for me , not about the fumes but about me, that he ripped it out and took it away. It left glue and he is having trouble taking it off which is causing me more anxiety. He is still trying to take as much off to this day.

I feel so ashamed about the whole situation, my husband is drained from other pressures including financial and I have caused all this. I am also so worried about my 2 year old to ever go into that room because of the exposed glue on the laminate.

I am reaching out for some comfort and for a reality check about my son going into the room etc. and anything else that will help me.

I feel so ashamed and sad and cannot stop crying, especially when I look at my 2 year old and my husband. I should feel so happy with a loving husband and a truly loving son plus another baby on the way but instead I’m so very sad and feel such pain inside me that it’s tearing me apart.

I never used to be like this, I was such a confident and happy person, and I have definitely lost myself. I’m just constantly worried about my child and being exposed to such things and also worried about my husband.

Please help x thank you in advance

Hello again

I can’t sleep and sweating out of sadness and fear about this, it is just getting worse :’(

I have lost my appetite and just feel like staying in bed. I’m feeling so terrified about the whole situation and the health impact that room will have on my family.

I hate myself for this

You need to seek help for this, your poor dh needs to know how to help you too.
I can't help but think that taking up the carpet was not the way to go - not because of the glue or whatever you are worried about but because you've now focused on something else to worry about.
See a gp asap. You do not want to expose your child to this (or any) level of distress over something that is a non event to most people.

Your husband is not helping you sweetheart...ripping up the carpet was not the right thing to do! You cannot...CANNOT...'fix' your issues by avoiding them. Nor can you subject your child (soon to be children) to this.

As others will also say...and you probably already know...you do need professional help for this. MN can't help you. Make an urgent appointment. Now!

To add...there is no health impact on your family...none.

People have new carpets put down every day...and take them up, everyday. We are all completely fine 👍🤷‍♀️

Your health anxiety is off the scale...but your family are not in any danger from carpets or glue.

Thank you so much for your reply. I tried seeing GP last time about another anxiety issue and it didn’t help. Not to mention the wait times for help, as it is tearing me inside now.

I stayed last night at my mums with my boy. But she has made it clear I can’t stay tonight. Im terrified to go home. I just want to leave that house. Especially as the floor has glue and holes and my mind is racing thinking what other chemicals are being released from that now.

I’ve spent all night thinking about who will put us up as a family of four (as baby due in may), sell our house, but obviously no one can.

Im sick and terrified. Im scared I won’t able to move on from this. Im scared to go home and into that room, let alone my boy to be in there. I look at my husband and see this has drained him, he looks so tired and sad.

Im so sad that that this has triggered such a reaction, and feel sick that I have caused this.

I just want to be able to get over this, and believe nothing will happen to my family health wise from this, but I’m struggling.

Thank you sweetpotatodumpling for your reply too.

That’s what I want to truly believe, that my family won’t be affected by this health wise. But I’m struggling to believe that. I look at my son and my husband and cry for what I have potentially done to them.

I’m so sad and scared for them . For 1) the chemicals side of it and 2) my unhappiness impacting them

I don't think this is the right place for you to get that reassurance. People on here can tell you to their blue in the face that it's fine and that their babies did this or that. It's not going to fix your problem because your problem is in your head.

This isn't like asking for advice on poaching an egg or what to wear to a job interview.

One of my closest friends has health anxiety. She's always had jt but it got much work when she was pregnant and now she takes medication as she didn't want to pass any of it on to her children. She didn't want to take them to the doctor every week with a list like she did for herself.

Either your husband is at the end of his rope with this and didn't know what else to do or you are starting to make him doubt normalcy because taking the carpet away was not a good idea.

You need to
A) keep off the internet completely. Completely.
B) get help from your GP.

Thank you for your reply. I think my husband saw I was having a panic attack and stressing out so much and he was worried for me and unborn baby and just reacted by taking it away thinking get it out of the house so to get me calm.

Even though it has still left me feeling the same which makes me feel worse.

I think medication will be the answer but am worried about starting something new whilst heavily pregnant.

My issue is GP will not able to help me this minute. It feels like torture inside me.

I also feel so guilty looking at my husband and son. It physically hurts inside how much I have caused my pain to my husband and what I have put him through too. As if it were not for me he would have still kept the carpet and not spending days trying to clear off all the glue etc.

I feel like they would be better off without me and started to even think to move out and let them enjoy life. :‘(

I’m struggling to get through the day at the moment. Will call doctors on Monday but know next few days I'm struggling to cope. Also last time I called GP there wasn’t much help with regards to anxiety so don’t have much hope. And it takes 2 hours to get through to my GP which is such a nightmare.

Feel so low :’(

Can you skip your GP and contact your midwife? This is a perinatal mental health issue, normally you'll get help very quickly.

Pp are right. No one here is going to be able to help you feel any better. There are no health concerns here - your child will be fine with a carpet it laminate, or whatever type of flooring . You aren’t very well and you need some help get better.
Can you speak online to a mental
Health advisor today or maybe the Samaritans? I’m really sorry you are going through this xxx

What chemicals are you worried about? What is it about this glue over other glue? Like the glue holding books together or glue holding your sofa together.

Also why wouldn't you have removed the laminate for the carpet, then surely it could be laid with gripper rods assuming you have floorboards under the laminate.

Samaritans and midwife is a good idea I will try that thank you xx

No floorboard under they just did it straight on to laminate and glued and glue sprayed grippers down and so now all exposed. Husband got most of glue off but the glue spray is harder.

I am worried about that exposed glue and also what else has been released in the air hence my anxiety of them.

Plus the guilt I feel for putting my husband through this.

Honestly I just feel as though everyone would be better off without me by moving out and letting my husband and child live their lives . It is really sad

Absolutely no one would be better off without you. You are not well and need help.

Talk to your health visitor / midwife on Monday; in the meantime talk to someone over the weekend - assuming you're in England you can get help via the nhs right now

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

Thank you @spacehardware x thank you everyone for replying and who will reply. I feel so down x

Omg absolutely no one will be better off without you- they love you more then anything and just want you well! Please speak to
Someone in real life xx

Thank you Archersandlemonade. I know they love me , so much. that’s why I want them to be happy and feel in the longer term I don’t want to put them through this every again xxx

Oh you poor thing. You're really suffering. You don't have to solve all this on your own :( many of us here have been in a similar position and have come out the other side. Your midwife will help, including in an emergency like this. Ring your out of hours service or the midwifery staff at your hospital if you need to. They will help. Be blunt with them about just how bad you're feeling. I'm also sorry you don't have the support you'd want from your mum :( that is really hard and will be compounding everything. You will come through this. You will xx

Hey @DeeDee3210 just wanted to send and say I’m so sorry to read this. I’m no expert but it sounds like you may have OCD where your thoughts are focusing on this theoretical contamination. I have ocd and no one can comfort me when my thoughts are spiralling. I’ve recently started antidepressants and had therapy and even in the space of a month it’s changed my whole day to day life. Please get support from your gp, you deserve peace and not worrying every second.

Hi, I just wanted to post as your sadness is so strong in your posts.

The problem with a response like this is it is always based a little in fact but your head blows it right out of proportion. One thing that may help is in a calm time try to be clear what you really think. Some people do avoid VOCs, most people don't - either is ok, it is the rapid changing of your mind and the high panic/upset that is your problem. That sounds like something the right treatment could help with.

I understand why your partner removed it, it's hard to watch someone in distress. The carpet is likely a red herring though, the issue is how you responded and felt.

I wondered if you have looked at Mind? They have support groups and helplines that may help you. This would be in addition to going to the GP. The GP will tell you what medication is safe during pregnancy.

Something very important to remember is that your children are going to be far better off with you as their mum than without you.

You are not solely defined by your worries and negative feelings. This carpet incident is not the total of you as a person. I bet you have also done many other things in the last week, month, year that have been positive for your children - can you think of any of those?

Thank you so much for your replies since my last response yesterday. Honestly I really appreciate reading them and for the advice and for your views on it too. I am so sad and I do need help I know. But my GP was so unsupportive last time so don’t have much hope. I came home last night with my boy I was shaking so badly inside. My husband took me to the room and showed me he took all of the glue off laminate from what I could see briefly as I could not stay in there long. Just now left with nasty holes. I broke down crying for what I have caused. I feel like I can still smell it, but my husband assures me smell has gone.

It really is horrible feeling like this. Instead of getting up and planning what I’m going to do with my son today and be happy about spending day with my family, I’m drowning in my sadness. I am finding it so hard to get out of bed just want to close my eyes go to sleep so the ache and mind can just stop. It never does. Thank you again for your replies xx

Your husband is being a darling but as others have said, reassuring you over and over about the carpet and glue is not fixing this. If your gp was unhelpful speak to a different one. Speak to your midwife or health visitor. Speak to Mind. I know it's exhausting trying to find the right help, but you must.

Thank you spacehardware he really is, I would not be in this world if he was not with me as I don’t think I would cope. It is hard, all the helplines told me speak to GP so I guess that is my next step. My husband is saying it’s done now, I can’t change it and nothing is going to happen to us from it, as he has got rid of everything and the glue. I really am trying to believe it but my mind won’t let me x

My 2 year old asked me “are you happy mummy” “I love you mummy”. He obviously knows something is wrong even though I’m trying terribly to put on a brave face despite breaking inside.

Yesterday afternoon my heart was beating so fast for a long time and I couldn’t settle.

I have still not gone back into that room . My husband asked me today if he can start putting and building stuff back into that room eg bed, cupboard, my sons reading books, son’s and new baby clothes into wardrobe etc but I just froze in terror.

We currently have boxes full of stuff in the kitchen, lounge and hallway and in our bedroom , which is in the way and does need to go back into that room but I just can’t bear the thought of having them in there. Even though it needs doing.

Especially as we don’t have long before new baby is coming and there is so much to sort and clear out before then.

I called GP first thing and despite 8am phone call I was held in a long queue and no appointments left so have to try again tomorrow.

Not only do I want there to be no health implications from the carpet (now gone) and glue on laminate, but I also just want to be happy again so my family are happy. I feel like such a burden on them.