Severe Anxiety about VOCs and carpet glue and spray

[DeeDee3210]

Hello all,

I have always had worries about my child’s health. To a point where I did seek help but CBT didn’t help. This time it is about carpet. I knew about VOCs but logic was telling me that so many people put new carpets in and as long as not in the room for 72 hours so my logic went with it. As the room is so cold and will be my 2 year olds so wanted to get it ready for him in time for May when my next baby is due.

On Tuesday they installed it on laminate, I had my doubts on the day but didn’t say anything. Wednesday late afternoon I broke down and couldn’t breathe with panic. My husband was so worried for me , not about the fumes but about me, that he ripped it out and took it away. It left glue and he is having trouble taking it off which is causing me more anxiety. He is still trying to take as much off to this day.

I feel so ashamed about the whole situation, my husband is drained from other pressures including financial and I have caused all this. I am also so worried about my 2 year old to ever go into that room because of the exposed glue on the laminate.

I am reaching out for some comfort and for a reality check about my son going into the room etc. and anything else that will help me.

I feel so ashamed and sad and cannot stop crying, especially when I look at my 2 year old and my husband. I should feel so happy with a loving husband and a truly loving son plus another baby on the way but instead I’m so very sad and feel such pain inside me that it’s tearing me apart.

I never used to be like this, I was such a confident and happy person, and I have definitely lost myself. I’m just constantly worried about my child and being exposed to such things and also worried about my husband.

Please help x thank you in advance

You need to speak to your midwife urgently. If she tries to redirect you through your gp, you need to escalate this to the senior midwife. You are not well, you need help now.

Would you feel able to show your midwife this thread DeeDee? Please contact them today, so they can arrange some support for you.

Hi thank for your replies this morning. I have mixed feelings about telling them everything and the extent of it as I have grown up in a family where it feels like if you mention these kind of problems outside the family , I would be red marked on health records. I’m just unhappy and always worried. My husband on the other hand is looking into getting me some help and encouraging me too (although he has little faith in our GP and local wellbeing help based on last time we tried to get some help for me).

I am slowly coming to realise that google does provide a lot of scare articles and extreme of stories (whether that is just today and tomorrow I will feel worse again but I am trying to be positive of my feelings right now). But I do try to look at sites (last week not now as I have stopped for my own sake) that are known and not random ones but it is all overwhelming. Where they say “can cause this and can cause that” my mind takes it as it will happen because I don’t want to take any risk when it comes to my son and husband.

I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone else but that is just how I feel.

I also feel that my worries are based on facts eg VOCs do exist and I have brought them severely into my home but I also know it is based on unknowns like how much is still in the room, and what impact will it have on my son and husband. I just assume the worst case scenario.

A positive today is that I have not had any episodes today when my heart beat as fast and I have not had any panic attacks today. It still is weighing heavily on my mind and heart though so I definitely still need help. Hopefully I can get an appointment tomorrow.

Thank you so much again for your replies. I try to talk to my mum and dad but they have high blood pressure and when I talked to them about what happened their blood pressure actually went up (as they have to measure it daily) so I felt like I couldn’t keep talking about it all to them as didn’t want them to become unwell. My husband will always listen to me whenever I need to talk but I can see in his eyes and face how sad it makes him and how drained he is from it all

X

My 2 year old asked me “are you happy mummy” “I love you mummy”. He obviously knows something is wrong even though I’m trying terribly to put on a brave face despite breaking inside.

It is OK to say to your child 'I am feeling sad today but I know I will feel happier again, today I just need to look after myself and youa nd keep us all loved and safe' or something similar.

You do not need to be happy everyday. Your child needs you to be OK, that is all.

Thank you for your reply @labyrinthlaziness. You are right. And that’s a good response such a situation . I think I have just been so sad that instead of giving a positive response like you mentioned, I just burst into tears and held him so close to me and didn’t want to let go

I cant help you mentally but I would suggest from a practical side you buy a woolen large rug with a natural backing to put on the floor in the room where the toddler will sit and play and change etc. You can buy it now and air it for a few days but as it is natural it doesn't have vocs like synthetic carpet.

Your concern on the glue and carpet is gone as your husband says and even if it was still there the main element of vocs are gone in 4 days max. The remaining element of them cannot cause harm. The websites that say they do are pushing an agenda. If it help at all (and it may not so sorry!) Just remember that whatever is going to finish you all off one day won't be vocs.

Focus on the reality of facts and it will calm you down. Now buy a rug and let your toddler have a lovely bedroom. You can do this, it's a process to adjust how you think more rationally. It's a capability you already have you just need to find it.

Thank you @Morechocmorechoc. Appreciate your reply honestly. You are right about the rug or something as the room floor is still freezing (hence the initial installation of the new carpet that has now been ripped out because of my severe panic attack).

I just need to keep focusing on making my son and husband happy and take each day as it comes. I need some tools to help me refocus on that when I am having bad episodes. (Whether it be from medication or some sort of counselling or both).

You have severe health anxiety. And it's horrendous. I suffer with it too, not as badly as I used to thankfully but this really does sound like something I would do.

I dropped a paracetamol behind a kitchen cabinet a few months ago, and logically there was no way one of the children could have gotten to it, but it panicked me that much I literally ripped the units off the wall to get to it. Seemed so reasonable and such a huge risk at the time.

Can think of lots more extreme stories too.

I'm on antidepressants, which have helped somewhat, CBT didn't really. I sort of did my own gentle exposure therapy, to situations that weren't actually risky, but in my head they were.

I know that logically you know deep down somewhere that room will be safe, it's just a case of trying to get that logical side of your brain to start being a little bit louder than the anxious side, which is so much easier said than done. But you will get there OP. Don't beat yourself up about it because it quite clearly is coming from a place of pure love.

Thank you for your kind reply @whataballbag. And for sharing your experience of anxiety. I think i would have done the same regarding cabinets.

I know I need help but regarding medication just a bit concerned during pregnancy this late as I understand it could take a few tries to get the balance right .

For me the exposure would be to start going into that room and step by step getting it ready for my son to be in. And then finally letting go and feeling ok with him to sleep in there. Even just typing that and thinking about it is making me feel jittery inside.

X

@DeeDee3210

Thank you for your kind reply *@whataballbag*. And for sharing your experience of anxiety. I think i would have done the same regarding cabinets.

I know I need help but regarding medication just a bit concerned during pregnancy this late as I understand it could take a few tries to get the balance right .

For me the exposure would be to start going into that room and step by step getting it ready for my son to be in. And then finally letting go and feeling ok with him to sleep in there. Even just typing that and thinking about it is making me feel jittery inside.

X

It's bound to make you feel jittery. You really need to speak to your midwife as they can arrange help for you whilst your are pregnant.

Try to think of it as your brain is trying to protect you, so much so that it's gone a bit into overdrive and is seeing a threat where there isn't one.

It really is crap and hard but you really really will get there x

Please speak to your midwife - she can most likely refer you directly to your local perinatal mental health team and you can bypass the GP and the general IAPT/wellbeing service - and you can be looked after quickly by specialists who can take into account your pregnancy when managing your anxiety however will work best for you.

Thank you both for your replies last night really appreciate them x

@DeeDee3210

Thank you both for your replies last night really appreciate them x

How are you?

Thank you so much for asking. I am coping, slowly trying to move on with it. The room is so very cold ( the floor) so I am worried about that , but I think if the carpet was still in there I don’t think I would have still coped with that.

By husband took me and our boy out yesterday in the morning so it was nice to get fresh air.

Baby is bouncing around inside me so that makes me feel nice and wanting to focus on getting ready for baby now.

Thanks again for asking, I really appreciate it, it is so lovely to find support here

@DeeDee3210

Thank you so much for asking. I am coping, slowly trying to move on with it. The room is so very cold ( the floor) so I am worried about that , but I think if the carpet was still in there I don’t think I would have still coped with that.

By husband took me and our boy out yesterday in the morning so it was nice to get fresh air.

Baby is bouncing around inside me so that makes me feel nice and wanting to focus on getting ready for baby now.

Thanks again for asking, I really appreciate it, it is so lovely to find support here

Glad to hear you're feeling a little better.

What about a huge rug?

Thank you.

I thought about that , I do have a wool one (rolled up not in use) bought last year.

But it has latex backing so wasn’t sure about that.

I didn’t want to google as I think that helps me to remain calm. Because as soon as I google it leads to so many things and then I get into a state.