Abortion

[Dollybirds]

Dp and I had unprotected sex only once; I wasn’t using contraception. To our shock we managed to get pregnant

He took the news initially very badly saying he didn’t want a baby. We discussed it for a few weeks and he didn’t change his mind. Due to my own reasons I didn’t feel like I could raise a baby on my own at the time and we went ahead with a scheduled abortion

A few days before he said he changed his mind. I was completely convinced that he was only saying that because he knew how badly I was taking the idea of an abortion.

I went ahead anyway because I believed that’s what he wanted and that I couldn’t cope on my own. I asked him how he felt at the scan and he didn’t say he wanted to keep it just that it was up to me

He has now told me he did change his mind and wasn’t saying he wanted to keep it just to appease me

I feel like I’ve made a massive mistake and feel like life isn’t worth living anymore because of this

Life is worth living.

What your boyfriend did to you was extremely cruel and I don't think you should be with him.

Find someone kind that you trust. You deserve better.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Have you spoken to your GP about how you're feeling? You can also contact the Samaritans at any time, their number is 116 123.

I’m so sorry. Be kind to yourself. You made the best decision you could with the information you had. Your bf sounds like a twat though.

Thank you

You can and will get through this. Get counselling and get rid of the boyfriend. He has behaved appallingly towards you.

Your life is worth living. Please speak to your GP, they can help.

I genuinely don't think he's done anything wrong here. He told you his feelings initially and again once they changed(which he is allowed to do). He didn't put pressure on you. I think you both have difficulty with communication. You have done what you felt was best for many reasons I'm sure. I agree counselling may help you here. I'm sorry you've been through such turmoil.

Your life is so worth living. You will have so many amazing possibilities ahead of you.
I'm sorry for what you went through. If I was in your shoes I'd leave your partner. The time to have this talk was before the abortion, not now. It's just cruel and unfair to do this on you now.

Your life certainly is still worth living. You made the decision that you felt was right at the time. You can’t change that and going back over it and over it will only cause you pain.

I’m not sure I could stay with a man who played with my emotions like that. He could have really made it clear he had changed his mind and he didn’t, bringing it after is just cruel.

Try and put it behind you, easier said than done I know, but you made the decision you felt was right when the decision had to be made. Sometime in the future will be the right time for you.

Massive unmumsnetty hugs. Life is totally worth living, you’ve got so much ahead of you. I think it would be a really good idea if you got some counselling through this x

To be fair, he was honest. You just didn't listen to him. That's how it reads to me. I'm not sure you can blame him really?

I agree with the poster who comments on the poor communication between you. He did tell you but you presumably didn't believe him.Theres nothing you can do about the situation now,longer term focus on developing good communication with any partner you may have. By

Not sure why you didn't listen to him? I'm sorry you are feeling so low but you went ahead with a life changing thing that you didn't want to do and he didn't want either. Always go with your gut feel on these things.

I never said I was blaming him

@Dollybirds

I never said I was blaming him

No you didn't but many posters have come here to say how badly he has behaved and how you need to be free of him. I believe thinking like this will have a very negative impact on your relationship and also your own feelings towards this and yourself. Be kind to yourself. There were many reasons why this was the path you chose. concentrate on healing and communicating better and you will go on to have a family life when the time is right for you. Good luck.

You really need to re-assess this relationship when you are ready. You want someone who stands by you. Seriously disappointing behaviour from your partner. Wtf 😳

There are organizations who help post abortive women who are dealing with regret. Have a search for then. They will help you.

Morning, OP. We're so sorry to hear this has happened and that you're understandably feeling low about it all.

While you've had lots of supportive responses here, AIBU can get pretty straight talking and we feel like you might benefit from more of the gentle replies you've had here. We're going to move this over to our Mental Health board for now as it sounds like this has all caused you an enormous amount of stress and upset and you might get more advice and suggestions there. But if you'd like us to move the thread to relationships or elsewhere just give us a shout.

I find myself in a similar situation. I was mentally depressed and it came over like a wave I’ve never felt before. I was supported by my other half in the termination although he felt like he may want it the longer we took to make the decision. But ultimately he felt like it wasn’t the right time for us either and I was deteriorating mentally and had been bleeding lots.
Now it’s over it’s horrible- he feels like he’s jealous of friends and I feel like there’s a part missing almost. I know hormones have a large part to play in this but I can’t shake the feeling it was the wrong thing to do. Whilst I’m aware of all the reasons I felt at the time- and remind myself of that daily. I feel like we are now missing something and the relationship isn’t the same between us as his feelings have changed. It’s hard.