London - anxious about daughter visiting

[Shockedmama]

My teen wants to go to London with her dads family, who take such good care of her. But I’m worried about a terror attack an
I being un reasonable I don’t want her to not live her life but iv got such awful anxiety about it.

London is absolutely amazing. Let her go

@Shockedmama

Yeah I do know that in my heart anf I know I’m going to let her go. I just needed some perspective sometimes I worry I’m letting her do something dangerous

Maybe you could ask MNHQ to change your title before more of us get a fright!!

I understand your anxiety, when you don’t live somewhere and all you hear is the bad news it can make it seem like a terrifying place but honestly she will be fine

My teen DD works in central London am I worried. No not really. It will be fine.

I wouldn't want my DC in London, for different reasons

What saraclara said - London's a big place, and if there was an attack that exact day and time she happened to be there, she probably wouldn't be in it. But I say that as a Londoner who doesn't worry about it.

Remember that worrying about something doesn't make it any more or less likely. Look at your stress levels generally. Not sure how old the dc is but as they grow up they'll be doing all sorts of stuff so you'd do well to address the anxiety now

When the level was higher a few years ago I did feel a little nervous of this. But actually London (well the busier bits) feels one of the safest places to be. Police everywhere even with guns I remember guarding some stations etc even McDonald’s! I would say I felt safer there than in my own town - where the only reassuring uniform you’ll encounter is the odd traffic warden 😵‍💫

I wouldn't want my DC in London, for different reasons

Just out of interest, what reasons?

I'm amazed about some posters ideas of what London is like.

This is the intention of terrorists. For us to be afraid - which is why we shouldn't be. Otherwise they have achieved their goal.

I live in London, here for many years, I barely ever think about the possibility of an attack.

And yes I too am still smarting from our 1976 London school trip being cancelled because of the IRA.

I understand you OP, really I do. I went through a phase of imagining terrorist attacks everywhere I went. I would literally be planning how to get the kids out of soft play if a gunman appeared.

Fortunately, I realised this was anxiety and not a real risk and I sought therapy. It transpired that my worries stemmed from a car accident - where I obviously felt horrifically out of control - that i’d somehow mixed in with news stories about the Manchester attacks. I had CBT and don’t worry about it any more.

If your anxiety is limiting your life - or your daughter’s - I’d highly recommend speaking to a GP about it.

I don't think it's abnormal to think this type of thing if you don't live in London or a big city. But honestly, as someone living in London it rarely crosses my mind.

@Shockedmama
As a teenager, 16, i had to go on a French exchange on my own by train to almost the Spanish border
I was certain my train would crash and I'd die.

I dreaded it- wept at school and in private.
However…
It was fine.
These irrational fears can come when we are anxious about other things.
Im going to London next week, and my family live there- and travel everywhere on public transport.
They never give terrorist bombs a second thought, despite living through 1970’s IRA bombs.

All i can say if she’s an “
Out of Towner” is watch for pick pockets on the Tube.

She’ll only resent you if you don’t allow her to go.

With Khan in charge the threat has receded. Keep your worries to yourself

Yeah iv got cbt booked and it can’t come quick enough.
I’d give anything to live without these thoughts

I live i London now as an adult and wish that my parents had given me more exposure here as a child. I feel I missed out then.

@Shockedmama

Hey OP. I’ve been scared of terrorism for as long as I can remember, it’s my number 1 anxiety trigger so I really do get it. However, terrorist attacks are incredibly rare and the chances of being caught up in one are also incredibly rare. I say this as someone who was at staying at Liverpool Women’s after my baby was born when a terrorist rocked up outside. I’ve always gone ahead and done whatever I wanted even though I’ve been scared and now I feel stronger about that than ever.

We’ve got to live our lives surrounded by risks. The trick is in how to assess them :-)

Thank you this really helped me. That’s what I need to remember people go to work every day and are fine

@Shockedmama

Thank you for starting this thread up also. It’s been good for me to read comments from people who’ve also struggled with it as much as I have as well as the comments encouraging rationalisation about risk.

@Shockedmama

Yeah iv got cbt booked and it can’t come quick enough. I’d give anything to live without these thoughts

This is great news. It worked really well for me. I hope it does the same for you.

Me too. Sometimes it helps to let it out but it’s obviously can’t do that at home as have to put a smile on it. It’s so good to hear from those in London too! I’m feeling better about tomorrow as now have those more rational thoughts in my head.

As someone who grew up in London and loved it, it just seems so utterly bizarre how anyone could find it “ Scary”.
It really is a safe place, EXCEPT there are more pickpockets about.
A very trusting rural friend visited London, and i did the usual warning of pick pockets thar push and jostle getting onto the Tube.

She was jostled, looked down to her open handbag and saw her purse had gone.

She saw a dodgy kid and grabbed hold of her and said loudly
“ SOMEONE HAS STOLEN MY PURSE!”
still grabbing hold of the kid who looked dodgy as heck.
She got her purse back and released the kid.
They often use kids as thieves, and pass stolen items back to adults.

@Poetrypatty

I wouldn't want my DC in London, for different reasons

Just out of interest, what reasons?

I'm amazed about some posters ideas of what London is like.

The times I've been it just seems a dirty place full of pushy arrogant people and dirty buildings, shedloads of traffic and not many smiles. Now Scotland, that's something else.

The times I've been it just seems a dirty place full of pushy arrogant people and dirty buildings, shedloads of traffic and not many smiles. Now Scotland, that's something else.

😂😂😂😂

If its more your anxiety that is the issue then if not addressed you could easily move on to any other risks such as not wanting your daughter to get on a train or plane.