Rattling my cage... Sahm🥴

[Breakdownimpending321]

I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically.
I've got a toddler who turns 2 in a few weeks. She's my world, I adore her, I'm lucky to have this time with her everyday...but...

I just miss me.
I miss smiling, socialising, dancing, working. I feel like I'm in a prison everyday.

My partner works 6 days a week, my family aren't around to help, so he pays for our little one to go to nursery one day a week. The other 6 days she's with me. I'm struggling to find somewhere that will hire me for 2 days a week and I honestly neeeed other adults to talk to for my own sanity. When my partner comes home from work he sticks the telly on and waits for me to cook his tea... But he does take over with dd so I can chill... For like two hours before I conk out and get up to do it all again.

My little one is at the age where she hates being in her pram, so taking her anywhere is a nightmare and I don't drive, so I feel trapped in the house day after day... With a toddler who does not stop talking/tantruming or hanging off me all day. When she falls asleep I watch her and feel so guilty for feeling the way I do, but I just need a break. I wanna pack my bags and run away for a week and I can't.

I suffer major anxiety and since having my daughter I've suffered health anxiety too, and staying in the house all the time is making it worse, but it's honestly more stress than it's worth taking her out in the pram, the way she goes on in public, people would think I'm blinking kidnapping her.

She doesn't go to full time nursery for another year. If anyone's in a similar position, how do you cope? Yes I drink wine... And not nearly enough of it lol.

My DTs are 4 now. I can honestly say I don’t know how I coped, just one day at a time really! I clung pretty hard to the free hours when they turn 3.

Getting out of the house daily, even if only to the garden, too much tv, a reminder that this too shall pass, going out again….

I hated 2-3.3/4, they were feral little beasts. You’re not alone 🌸

@MuchTooTired thanks so much. Tbf I think I'm just having a really bad day as I've got no coffee in the house. I survive on that stuff. Mix a pounding headache with baby shark on repeat for the 12th time in a row, and my child who won't keep a nappy on and has just pissed on the floor next to her potty... 🥴🥴

I've got a huge garden so can't wait till it gets warmer.

I’m the same with tea! And yes to the potty training! I tried a few times but mine didn’t do it until they were 3.5 and decided themselves it was time.

Have you got any outdoor toys for the garden? We had balance bikes, little tikes slide and swing, a water/sand play thing, bubbles etc. Could be worth looking to get some (I got mine off of eBay) to keep DC occupied so you can get a few minutes head space. We also had an indoor bouncy castle which was replaced by a trampoline when it was summer. Generally, I found it easier to be doing things with them that I enjoyed doing rather than things that only they enjoyed iyswim?

For the crappy weather a nice long warm bath with some empty bottles and bubbles was fun, mine used to enjoy emptying a cupboard of tins, ‘hiding’ them somewhere and me shouting army major style to get them running back and forth with a tin putting them away.

It’s half term as of tonight, I feel I’m speaking much more confidently and cheerily than I really am, I’m dreading the week off!

@MuchTooTired omg! That's such a good idea, I never thought of the tins, she's always in and out of the cupboards I may have to swap things over and try that.

I'm looking into buying things for the garden, we've been holding off as we're house hunting atm, she has trikes and stuff but she's not interested she just likes to run riot and be in stuff she's not supposed to be in. I have an aries child lol she's wild.

She loves the bath, goes in every day she loves it. She just gets bored easily and starts whinging.

Where do you live OP? Sounds like we have some stuff in common

Are there any buses near you? What about one of those trikes with the handle to push. My dd liked them at that age, felt more independent.

Sympathies OP. It’s a big change, isn’t it?
Get out in the garden, even if it’s only for half an hour, even if the weather isn’t amazing. Wrap her up well, get her waterproofs. Swing and slide set would be nice if the finances allow. Mine was a Lidl bargain and has paid for itself in how much time they play on it!

Sorry if I've missed something...why can you only work 2 days per week? I'm part time but I've only ever managed to find 3 or 4 day per week roles. Maybe if you were willing to work more hours it would be easier to find something?

My youngest is a similar age to yours and I work 3 days a week, it is quite a good balance.

I got one of those push along trikes and my pram refuser loved it. Also church style mums and tots where there's just loads of toys out was good and puddlesuit with wellies on to go to the park. The garden centres often have softplay in so add in a look around and seeing the fish that's a i nice trip out

@Walesrecommendations I'm from Newcastle 😊

@pinkgingham it's not that I'm not willing to work, it's that I have no childcare. My partner pays out £216 a month for our daughter to go to nursery 1 day a week, he's on a good wage but is paying for literally everything so we don't have much expendable money. She doesn't get any free hours at nursery, so she's with me full time as I don't have any family to watch her on either side, mine or his.
So I can work when she's at nursery and on his only day off... If anyone can offer advise around that, it would be super helpful, in terms of when they get free nursery or accumulate hours I'm not so sure how it works. X

I wouldn’t be looking for a job OP, you need that day as down time. Do you have friends?

These are all such good advise that I've never thought of, thanks so much guys 💕 xx

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I'm absolutely looking for a job. I've worked full time since I was 16, I'm 34 now, only this past year I've not been able to work and I hate it. Hate not having my own money either. But we don't have the money to get anyone else to look after her and I don't have family who can help, so I'm desperately trying to find 2 days a week x

I have 3 kids and am absolutely exhausted. My eldest 2 kids are in school, one has autism and ADHD so challenging anyway plus I have a toddler.

The school keep sending the oldest 2 home due to "symptom" which mean they need PCR tested or staff shortages. My toddler is a proper whirlwind and really needs toddler groups etc. The problem with that is my older kids are either home or one of us has a nasty cough/cold so we don't get to go too as many groups and activities as he needs to keep stimulated. I also work most weekends and DH works during the week often long hours. We get no down time and have no real family help. We use a fabulous childminder one day a week but due to restrictions she has had to close quite a lot recently.

I actually feel that my toddler is the hardest out of all my 3 kids at that stage and I feel covid plays a huge part in that. He just isn't being given an opportunity to to activities he needs and develop routines that toddlers need.

Lol sorry I feel better for the moan 😳

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I don't have many friends really no... I have a couple of close friends but they're always busy. That's why I wanna get back to work to meet new people x

Ok, just tad concerned you’re going to feel even more overwhelmed if you never get ANY downtime

@Fundays12 honestly moan away! We can all moan together lol. Now I feel like I shouldn't be moaning lol I've only got the one.

It's shit isn't it. Ah, mum life. 🤷‍♀️

I want time away but then I know I'd just miss her and be a paranoid polly and panicky without her. I read somewhere that kids act like little shits (paraphrasing here) for the people they feel the most safest with. 😐 I dunno how true that it, but if it is she must feel suuuuuper safe with me because jesus wept... She's got me round the twist.

Still love her though.

@FoolsnMothers Ill probably feel even worse lol, you're right.im an author and a creative, trying to open an etsy shop as a side hussle to sell stuff and write my books.. So I know when I work I'll have absolutely zilch time to do this... But I have to contribute to the house...and save my sanity... And make friends.. And try and find a balance.

If you get a job then surely your wages could contribute to additional childcare so you could work more than 2 days?

Also, do you do any toddler groups or activities with her? Honestly she sounds bored if you're home all day with baby shark on tv, that will be making her act out. Find a stay and play (lots of churches have groups during the week for a pound of two per session so not expensive) and let her run around and burn off energy with new toys and other toddlers. Will also give you an opportunity to chat to other mums and have some adult interaction

It sounds like you and your toddler are both feeling bored and grumpy, OP!
Toddlers have masses of energy, and they need to run it off outside to prevent them being little shits misbehaving.
Even if the weather isn’t great, wrap up warm and get out for a walk, chase a ball, splash in puddles, explore the local parks and woods, maybe ride the metro out to the coast (I think you said you’re in Newcastle?).
It will do you both good to get out of the four walls- I think everyone is sick of the sight of their own homes after the pandemic.
Even just walking down the street chatting about what you can see is diverting for a toddler. Try it, you will both feel more human!
I was widowed with two under three, and regularly marched them up the hills (I live in Scotland) or along the beach, to knacker them so they slept well and were less grumpy.

Thank you guys, I feel like I'm having a good kick up the bum here, and you're right. I need to start getting her out more. I'm gunna buy some reigns tomorrow for her so that if she acts up in the pram I can let her walk. Like you said she's got so much energy to burn out. Eeeh I just want the warmer weather to come, we were never out the garden last year and she was tiny then. I'm sure things will get better.

Thanks breakdownimpending321. Please moan away the hardest job in the world is being a parent.

The bonus of me having 3 is the younger 2 play together lots (only 2.5 years between them). My toddler adores his big brothers and the adore him. Lol however my toddler can be ferel at times. His big brothers spoil him as he is the baby and covid has made it so difficult to meet other mums with kids the same age. Do you go to toddler groups? If you don't please try too as they give you a chance to speak to other mums and dads and let your little one burn of steam. Honestly my toddler is an angel when he has been at a toddler group or outdoor activity for about an hour in the morning. If he hasn't he is like Dennis the menace lol.

If you get a job then surely your wages could contribute to additional childcare so you could work more than 2 days?

Yeah, this. This is what I meant about you getting a job 3 days per week. If you earn then you can pay for childcare.

Otherwise you get 30 hours of childcare per week (although it's term time only but nurseries will usually average it out over the year for you) from age 2 if you're on a low income (guess probably not as your OH can afford to pay for nursery even though you're not working) or from 3 otherwise.

I wrapped mine up and took them out every day rain/hail/snow/sunshine. They were good little walkers. No car, no internet and no nursery until they turned 3. It is really tough, but the upside was that I was slimmer and fitter than before or since and I made some really good friends who I met in the park. We are still friends 30 years later. It does get easier.