Rattling my cage... Sahm🥴

[Breakdownimpending321]

I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically.
I've got a toddler who turns 2 in a few weeks. She's my world, I adore her, I'm lucky to have this time with her everyday...but...

I just miss me.
I miss smiling, socialising, dancing, working. I feel like I'm in a prison everyday.

My partner works 6 days a week, my family aren't around to help, so he pays for our little one to go to nursery one day a week. The other 6 days she's with me. I'm struggling to find somewhere that will hire me for 2 days a week and I honestly neeeed other adults to talk to for my own sanity. When my partner comes home from work he sticks the telly on and waits for me to cook his tea... But he does take over with dd so I can chill... For like two hours before I conk out and get up to do it all again.

My little one is at the age where she hates being in her pram, so taking her anywhere is a nightmare and I don't drive, so I feel trapped in the house day after day... With a toddler who does not stop talking/tantruming or hanging off me all day. When she falls asleep I watch her and feel so guilty for feeling the way I do, but I just need a break. I wanna pack my bags and run away for a week and I can't.

I suffer major anxiety and since having my daughter I've suffered health anxiety too, and staying in the house all the time is making it worse, but it's honestly more stress than it's worth taking her out in the pram, the way she goes on in public, people would think I'm blinking kidnapping her.

She doesn't go to full time nursery for another year. If anyone's in a similar position, how do you cope? Yes I drink wine... And not nearly enough of it lol.

I have an 18mo and am at breaking point today, thank god it's the weekend and my husband is taking most of the lead today.
I feel like I have this enormous list of life admin things to do that never gets done because he just hangs off me so I tend to give in nd focus on him rather than try to battle on unsuccessfully while he is around. I'd also LOVE some time to myself but that always comes last doesn't it!

I try and keep him busy by going out twice a day to a toddler class, museum, park, playground, library, swim lessons friends house. Anywhere he can run around. I find it difficult in the house, he gets board easily and we are inside enough later in the afternoon because it gets dark early.

Can you perhaps booking a few things each week to get you out and about?

Jumping on this bandwagon. I get 10 hours of childcare a week and I'm a single mum. My mum said she was gonna take my DD today for a couple of nights to give me a break and she's just pushed it back until Saturday. I went so hard yesterday finding things to do, thinking I had today to relax and now I'm burned out. The house is disgusting and I barely have the energy to do an online food shop. I've tried hard to find half term activities as childcare and toddler groups pause for the week but there's nothing. Looking longingly at older children playing out in the street and wishing it was like the olden days where all the kids could just play together. Feel so much for my DD having no friends to play with, (she's nearly three and very sociable) and having to put up with grumpy miserable me to half heartedly play with her.

@Geranium1984 I was at breaking point yesturday, my partner brought me home a bottle of wine, a heart-shaped garlic bread and told me to go have a bath bless him. I rarely feel like this in the summer, I'm just not equipped for the winter and dark nights, I just want to hibernate. We've been out today and made cookies and she's been a little angel for me.

I know exactly what you mean about the never ending lists of jobs. I think that's what sets my anxiety off half the time, the pressure to keep on top of everything and have a nice house... My partners super domesticated and hates aaany type of mess where I usually just give up. When she's at nursery I clean it from top to bottom and then it's trashed again within a day and I find it exasperating trying to keep up with it. Just trying to be a good mum, good girlfriend, whilst also not wanting to give up on my own hobbies and dreams, my head goes a mile a dozen everyday thinking without interruptions of everything that needs to be done and things I still want to achieve myself. If that makes sense?

@Peppapigforlife honestly I don't know how single mums do it, like hats off to you, I nearly left the relationship last year and was about to become a single mum myself but we managed to work through it.

It's shit when you have plans and they end up having to be cancelled, I don't get any help at all from my family, but then again I always think its not thier responsibility its mine. It would just be nice if they offered once in a while so I could breathe and have just a few hours to recoup.

My daughters like yours, she's so sociable too but has no friends. It's my fault really I should have been getting out to toddler groups and stuff, I think with lockdown and covid it's just been a nightmare, spent so much time in the house I've became a recluse and have social anxiety now, which was unheard of before I had a baby. I was always out and meeting new people, you couldn't shut me up. Its nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like this though.

You prob need to go out more. I have 3 dcs all close in age and when they were toddlers they would have climbed the walls inside. I had to bring them out morning and afternoon. Parks, beaches, woods. Water gear and snacks. I work but p/t when they were small but never spent much time in the house as toddlers.

I don’t get the only working 2 days a week either? If you’re earning money then that’s the extra money for your extra childcare bill…

I would be amazed if you will find a job for 2 days a week, but you might get one for more hours or full time.

Getting out and meeting other adults needn't be only through working.

What about volunteering? A hobby? An evening class? (Partner can mind dd)

Stimulate the brain, get out and meet people boxes all ticked

The tins thing reminded me how much my dd loved playing "shops" she had a toy trolley and would use stuff out the cupboards to " buy and sell" she'd even play at being a shelf stacker!

Long baths too. Long walks to wear them out (I still joke my dd is like having a dog! She needs fed often and walked at least twice a day or she's grumpy as hell! She's 21! Her boyfriend when I mentioned this was like "omg you're right!" ) she's honestly murder if she hasn't had a couple of walks daily!

Bath we played "ice cream van@ and made "sundaes" out of the bubbles and safe play paint things

Money wise are you getting all the help you're eligible for?

Have you checked if you were working what help with childcare costs you might get? It might not be as impossible as you think. Especially as partner has a day off in the week?

Hitting the parks this time of year when few others families do is great - she'll have her pick of the equipment! Just wrap her up warm/dry, take a roll of kitchen paper with you to wipe the swings/slide down if necessary and let her at it! Or even get her waterproof trousers

Libraries often run lots of activities for free AND the librarians usually know what else is on nearby that's free/cheap.

Google your nearest city/town and " free or cheap activities for kids" to get some ideas.

Museums and art galleries and science centres and all that are doing more than usual just now to get back to normal

@Graphista that's all great ideas, thank you so much.

I don't think I'm entitled to anything as my partner is earning quite a lot, but it all goes out straight away on bills and child maintenance to his ex wife and basic general living, that's why I'm desperate to earn to contribute. Hes reluctant to put her into more days at nursery as my part time wage would literally just cover that with nothing spare. I dunno I'm gunna have to look into it properly as I don't understand it all, all my friends said they had thier parents to help so they never needed to put them into private nursery.

These are such good ideas though, I need a kick up the bum and force myself out each day with her, just getting out today did us both the world of good and she's been in a lush little mood because of it.

I have to take my two year old out everyday or he drives me up the wall. He goes to the childminders two days a week and on the other days we go swimming, baby Fforest club, library, walk to the river to feed the ducks etc. I feel your pain though its very monotonous and I can't wait to get back into work.

Also, are you signed up to tax free childcare? That reduces some of your childcare bill.

@PotteringAlong eeeh no I didn't even know that was a thing. Am I just thick Coz I don't know any of this stuff 😂🙈 I'm hopeless man.
She's asleep atm and I've just been lying stroking her face thinking how blessed I am to have her. She deserves so much. She's thriving, her words are getting so good, springing sentences together now, funniest kid ever, such a personality. I hate feeling like I'm letting her down.
Her teacher said the other day after nursery that they wished they could have her in more days as she's halarious and they all love her. She thrives there and it's so heartwarming and makes me so proud.
I just need to give my head a wobble and stop letting the bad days get to me, because really, every day should be a good day when I have that little lady in my life. X

www.gov.uk/get-tax-free-childcare

It will save you 20% of your childcare bill if you’re eligible @Breakdownimpending321

[quote Breakdownimpending321]@Peppapigforlife honestly I don't know how single mums do it, like hats off to you, I nearly left the relationship last year and was about to become a single mum myself but we managed to work through it.

It's shit when you have plans and they end up having to be cancelled, I don't get any help at all from my family, but then again I always think its not thier responsibility its mine. It would just be nice if they offered once in a while so I could breathe and have just a few hours to recoup.

My daughters like yours, she's so sociable too but has no friends. It's my fault really I should have been getting out to toddler groups and stuff, I think with lockdown and covid it's just been a nightmare, spent so much time in the house I've became a recluse and have social anxiety now, which was unheard of before I had a baby. I was always out and meeting new people, you couldn't shut me up. Its nice to know I'm not alone in feeling like this though.[/quote]
I'm exactly the same with how much I've changed and become a social recluse. You wouldn't think I lived in a whole bunch of different countries, spent most of it in hostels talking to everyone and now I'm like 'please don't make me try and strap her into her buggy and stand in the park making small talk again'

Your lucky you have someone there to give you that couple of hours peace every evening. I'm on my own with my 4 year old and I get so exhausted sometimes I would give my right arm for someone to entertain her for half an hour. Be greatful for what you do have.

Obviously I'm just a person off t'internet, but I just wanted to say @Breakdownimpending321 that although you obviously asked for support in your opening post, I think you sound absolutely fantastic! I love the way you write, it really makes me smile, and I think your wee girl must feel very loved.

I have no advice to give as I don't even have children (no, I don't know why I'm on this thread either 😂), so please just accept a wee hug from a chunky little Scottish lady 🤗. You'll get there, I know you will.

@bexxboo 100% grateful. My mum says the same. She was a single parent of 4 and said were were all little shits lol. Perhaps thats why she doesn't help much, wants to give me a taste of my own medicine lol. Jokes aside, like I said in an earlier post, hats off to you. You're made of strong stuff. Much stronger than me.

@CarrieMoonbeams ah, that's so kind thank you so much. You made me smile there. It's alright, I'm a lurking Linda on all kinds of threads lol. It's amazing how many people are in the same boat but for aaaall different types of things. Makes you feel less alone.

Yeah defo, she is the most loved little girl. I always tell her I love her and give her squeezy hugs. I give her head strokes and she goes, 'ah that's nice, mam'.
And then ill catch her stroking her dolls hair the same way or rocking them like babies. She's gunna be such an affectionate and loving little soul.

Anyway, I'm blabbing again.

Thanks for your lovely words 💕

My DD had just turned 2 at the beginning of the first lockdown (and she'd stopped napping before her 2nd birthday). It was brutal but it does get better, and it will start getting better soon.

Can you get her in to a playgroup for a few hours a day from 2 or 2.5 this will not only give you a tiny bit of free time but will also take the pressure off you having to do your least favourite bits with her (crafts? Imaginative play?).

Listen to podcasts whenever you can, with or without headphones to give your brain a bit of simulation.

Find a hobby for the little time you have in the evenings. The plus side of my DD having stopped napping prior to lockdown was that she went to sleep at 7, which meant once the evenings were light enough I could spend hours gardening.

Hi Breakdownimpending321, just wanted to say it was nice to read your post and see that I'm not alone! I'm stuck at home with a 2 year old and a baby. I would absolutely love to go back to work but the cost to put them both in nursery means I'd be way out of pocket (I cant return to my old well paying job due to the long hours).
I'm just counting down until my oldest turns 3 so I can get the free 15 hours and then only have 1 child to pay for.
I also feel like a prisoner in my home! I do find it hard work getting them both ready and out of the house with their different nap times etc, but it definitely makes the day go faster and keeps their behaviour in check.
Have you looked into mum and baby fitness classes? I did this when I only had 1 child and it made me feel like a different person, so much happier!