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Original poster

Mental health - how would you react?

43 replies

astrocroc · 08/02/2022 10:57

What would you think if a close family member who always seemed totally mentally healthy, happy, young family, good job, stable life and everything, told you they thought they were depressed and had been thinking about ending things? Wouldn't it seem a bit out of nowhere? Maybe like it can't really be that serious?

OP posts:
Weatherwax13 · 08/02/2022 10:59

Absolutely take them seriously

Orgasmagorical · 08/02/2022 11:00

I would listen to what they were telling me.

It's not up to me to think it can't be that serious or they are wrong just because they had appeared happy enough up until now. Some people are very good at hiding what is going on inside.

Why are you asking?

Comedycook · 08/02/2022 11:00

I'd take it seriously and assume they had been masking their true feelings before

Koala817263549 · 08/02/2022 11:02

Depressed people can and do often mask their symptoms from those around them. Unless there are other reasons for disbelieving them, I'd trust what they are saying and look to support them. To reach out and open up about how they are really feeling can take great courage, especially if they fear being judged because they have a 'good' life and no 'reason' to feel the way they do. That's not to say it's not a shock to you to find out that they are mentally ill and struggling so much, just that the fact you didn't previously know, doesn't mean it's not true.

CocoPancakes · 08/02/2022 11:02

To be honest they would be the one I'd be most concerned about attempting something.

5keletor · 08/02/2022 11:02

No, I would take it very seriously as people can be very, very good at hiding that sort of thing.

RitaFires · 08/02/2022 11:04

I would be very concerned and do my best to support them and encourage them towards professional help. Giving the impression that I don't think they could really be depressed could put them off telling me or anyone else anything more. Thinking of ending things is really serious and I would always treat it seriously.

Anatomical · 08/02/2022 11:05

Absolutely take them seriously - it could have taken a lot to disclose it and a cry for help.

As a first step please try to gently access some professional support- potentially through their GP. Alternatively have a look for a local NHS wellbeing service - there usually is a crisis line which either you or they can call.

Spud1130 · 08/02/2022 11:07

As someone who works in suicide prevention (essentially negotiating with actively suicidal individuals) this must absolutely be taken seriously. How many times does someone take their own life and the reaction is "we had no idea" or "there were no warning signs"?

@astrocroc are you the person who feels this way, or the person who has been told this?

Nowayoutonlydown · 08/02/2022 11:07

When someone reaches out to you to tell you they feel that way, you listen.

The things you see as positives, a young family, a happy life, all of the things you mention can feel like a massive stress. What if this isn't coming naturally to them? What if they're literally killing themselves to appear like they're OK and they feel the only way out of the cycle of trying to make everything seem OK, is literally out of life?

Just because someone seems happy on the surface, really doesn't mean that's the case.

Ine of DDs friends parents seemed to have it all together, nice life, happy family, nice things but he hung himself a few weeks ago.

Take the time to listen.

Koala817263549 · 08/02/2022 11:08

astrocroc if it's you that is struggling and someone hasn't taken you seriously then please reach out to someone else: family, friends, GP. Depression can hit anyone, whatever their age and life circumstances, but it can and will get better with treatment.

Chemenger · 08/02/2022 11:08

Definitely take them seriously. Listen and help them to get help.

Spud1130 · 08/02/2022 11:13

Every county now has a dedicated 24/7 mental health helpline for urgent help - www.england.nhs.uk/mental-health/case-studies/crisis-mental-health-case-studies/24-7-urgent-mental-health-helplines-available-across-the-country/

Original poster
astrocroc · 08/02/2022 11:17

Sometimes you feel like you owe someone an explanation/the truth, but if you imagine saying it out loud it seems like a story about someone else. Like it's just totally unrealistic.

OP posts:
irishfarmer · 08/02/2022 11:26

@astrocroc is this about you? I would 100% take you seriously if you were my sister/ friend who seemed to be very happy on the outside and came to me to say all that you were depressed.

I know not all GPs are created equally but could you go talk to yours?

poetryandwine · 08/02/2022 11:27

I would absolutely take them seriously. People who are suicidal sometimes go through with it because reaching out and not being believed is the final straw.

@astrocroc, people here are concerned that you might be the one in despair. If that is true can we do something for you? All of us would be only too pleased

If a family member has reached out to you, please follow up with them. I would suggest an emergency appt with the GP to start. They can assess the need for medication and therapy. If the latter can’t come soon enough the GP may be able to suggest a good private therapist who can respond quickly. Also remember The Samaritans

You or your family member need to know that even if life is objectively hard in concealed ways, feeling suicidal is to do with an overstressed brain and can be healed

Latara · 08/02/2022 11:29

Everyone thinks I'm 'normal' but I actually suffer from Schizoaffective disorder and have felt suicidal. It takes lots of meds for me to appear normal.
You can't always tell what someone is going through.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 08/02/2022 11:34

I would think they've been good at hiding it. It's common for people to hide it in public.

If it's you OP, please don't worry about whether people will believe you. Just concentrate on getting the support and help you need 💐

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 08/02/2022 12:52

Hi astrocroc,

We're not sure if it's you that's feeling this way or if it's someone close to you, but we just wanted to add some links to the help that's available.

If you're feeling very low and need to talk to someone, please contact the Samaritans by calling 116 123, or by emailing [email protected]. You can also ask for help by texting 'SHOUT' to 85258 - Shout's trained volunteers will be able to give you some support - giveusashout.org.

There are many other organisations listed in our Mental Health webguide which can give some support.

We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic now - we can see that there's been some good advice and support from other Mumsnetters already, but we feel that's a more sensitive place for it than AIBU.

Sending good wishes, OP Flowers

Original poster
astrocroc · 08/02/2022 13:09

I feel like I should tell my OH because they're probably aware I've been distant recently. But at the same time the idea of saying anything out loud just seems absurd.

Also there's the issue of they probably never look at you the same after that. Like even if you get better they'll always be wondering/worrying. I even read a thread on here where people said things like "I wish my brother never told me he was feeling that, now I constantly have a knot in my stomach worrying he's gonna do something".

OP posts:
secretoktober · 08/02/2022 14:21

Please talk to somebody @astrocroc - even if it's a call to the Samaritans. Please don't worry about how it sounds or about other people's reactions - the people who love you and care for you will want to know, and will want to do whatever they can to help. So sorry you're feeling this way

Orgasmagorical · 08/02/2022 15:14

Do you think it would be easier to talk to someone other than your OH in the first instance, astrocroc? Once you've shared it once the second time shouldn't be quite so daunting. If you can speak to your doctor or one of the links MNHQ put up they will be able to help you with how to approach it with your OH.

poetryandwine · 08/02/2022 15:35

Hi, @astrocroc -

I didn’t see the thread where someone said about her brother ‘I wish he hadn’t told me’. She actually sounds very selfish to me.

DH has been depressed and I am glad he told me.

I hope that worrying about the reaction of your OH would prove to be unfounded but no one here can know for sure. In any case, the only thing OH can do is be there for you: you need outside help to heal your stressed brain. So if you are really worried about OH, can you start with the GP or Samaritans? And MN is here for you. Take care

Original poster
astrocroc · 09/02/2022 09:09

thanks poetryandwine

OP posts:
steppingcarefully · 09/02/2022 13:06

Please tell your OH. My adult son has depression and anxiety. He lives alone and does not have a partner. He told me just over 2 years ago and I was so grateful he did because then I could support him rather than carry on thinking he was ok when he was really struggling. Yes it was worrying, very worrying but I would never wish I didn't know. Over the last couple of years I have learnt with him how to manage the depression and ride the anxiety. Please please talk to someone.