Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

I don't want to be around my kids

28 replies

Dreamitaway · 16/01/2022 18:07

I have 3 kids. One of which is autistic as am I and I'm finding it all too much.

I don't want to leave my bedroom, I don't want to see my kids. I'm currently unwell and waiting on covid results and I'm just exhausted. My boyfriend is also finding everything hard. He's doing everything, he's feeding the kids, bathing them, cooking and cleaning. I can't help but think he will break and just leave us all. I'm driving him away by my laziness.

My kids always comment how I'm always in bed, that I sleep all the time. I'm finding everything so much

OP posts:

Notgettingbetter · 16/01/2022 18:30

Do you have a diagnosis of depression because that's what it sounds like? If you're not up to cleaning and looking after the children it's because you're unwell, not lazy. Three kids is hard work even for the healthiest of parents! Have you had a chance to talk to your boyfriend about how you're feeling?

Notmrsfitz · 16/01/2022 18:36

I think you are just completely worn out.
I think you’ve overloaded and now your mind is giving out the signal that it can’t take any more.

So, you need some outside support, do you have a social worker? Health visitor? Any one who could help you access some help?

You need to see your GP as I think you need more than a huge big sleep and 3 weeks of solitary confinement.

Please phone your GP first thing and start to get some help x

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 16/01/2022 19:23

I have depression, I'm on medication, tried a ton of different ones but it always comes back around.

I do feel worn out, utterly and completely worn out but I have no idea why? I've done nothing, literally nothing but I'm so tired all the time.

Dreading tomorrow where I have to get kids up and ready for school.

I don't have any outside help at all and wouldn't know who to ask either x

OP posts:

Notgettingbetter · 16/01/2022 19:41

Depression is exhausting but it might also be worth getting some blood tests done - you could be anemic for example.

Is there something nice you might like to do for yourself tomorrow while the children are at school?

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 16/01/2022 21:21

I've had bloods done before and nothing was flagged up, I feel like I'm harassing the Dr's if I ask for another one.

I'm going to force myself into the bath, I desperately need one but my energy has been in the gutter. My youngest will be home as he is showing symptoms of covid now.

I love my kids and my heart hurts if I think about leaving them but at the same time, I'm so fed up with life. So so fed up with the way things are. I want things to be different but idk how to change them.

OP posts:

Muststopeating · 16/01/2022 21:28

I don't have depression and I don't have an autistic child. But I do have 3 kids under 5, one of which is extremely challenging at the moment. My DH works away.

I also have COVID at the moment, as do the 3 kids. The various positives came in a week apart so I've been locked up with them without DH for two weeks now. I can 100% relate to the feeling.

It is a hard graft! I don't blame you for wanting to hide away. I do too.

I have very little practical advice but I wanted you to know that you're not alone and that I hope you can find a way back to happy.

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 17/01/2022 08:14

@Muststopeating

I don't have depression and I don't have an autistic child. But I do have 3 kids under 5, one of which is extremely challenging at the moment. My DH works away.

I also have COVID at the moment, as do the 3 kids. The various positives came in a week apart so I've been locked up with them without DH for two weeks now. I can 100% relate to the feeling.

It is a hard graft! I don't blame you for wanting to hide away. I do too.

I have very little practical advice but I wanted you to know that you're not alone and that I hope you can find a way back to happy.

3 under 5! I could never do that, hats off to you!

Mine are 4,5 and 9. Exhausting but probably not as exhausting as having 3 under 5.

I'm sorry that you feel the same way, it's so hard and everyone deserves a break. Thank you, I hope I can be happy again too. I'm just so fed up x

OP posts:

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 17/01/2022 08:56

How can I tell if its my depression or if I'm just lazy. I'm so exhausted but people keep telling me I just need to get on with it because I have kids.

Then I feel awful because I can't simply just get on with it, idk what to do .

I know my partner needs help with the kids and around the house, so I'm trying but it's not enough

OP posts:

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 17/01/2022 10:55

I just want a way to fix things. A way to be a normal happy family. Idk what to do. I'm so low.

OP posts:

Notgettingbetter · 17/01/2022 11:16

It really doesn't sound like laziness to me. That's the depression talking. You love your children, don't you - and you want what's best for them so there's no way you'd willingly hide in bed and not spend time with them and look after them. Please do contact your doctor - maybe your meds need adjusting - either the dose or perhaps it's time to try a different one.

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 17/01/2022 11:18

Everyone thinks I'm lazy. Partner makes comments how I'm always upstairs. I'm going to try and ring Dr's at 1 for an emergency appointment but I don't know what to say to them.

OP posts:

Opal8 · 17/01/2022 11:23

Can you just read out what you've written here?

If you Google the symptoms of clinical depression you have lots of them.

The good news is you don't have to suffer x

blyn · 17/01/2022 11:33

It does sound as though you are depressed, Dreamitaway. You display classic symptoms. You need some professional help but beware of medication; a lot of antidepressants have strange side effects and make things worse.

I hope things improve for you before too long.

Tal45 · 17/01/2022 11:40

I think it's not just your depression but probably due to your autism too, ASD and procrastination are linked. So it could be habitual procrastination/shutdown due to being totally overwhelmed? There's a good article here about it in teens but equally applies to any age. It's something I really identify with and see in my teen.
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/promoting-empathy-your-teen/201808/procrastination-is-it-laziness-or-is-it-clinical#:~:text=The%20anxiety%20can%20be%20so,personal%20chores%20around%20the%20home.

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 17/01/2022 15:06

Thank you everyone.

I do think its a mix of my ASD and depression. I couldn't get an appointment with a Dr so had to send in an email instead stating my worries. It's so very difficult and I feel like there is no help whatsoever.

I'm currently sat on the sofa with my youngest, waiting for my older 2 to arrive a d secretly dreading it. The house is an absolute state, no idea how anyone is going to cook or do anything. I've got a terrible migraine, so just taken tablets for that.

God I wish I could end this. I'm so tired and so stuck. I don't know what to do.

I feel like a complete failure as a mum, they're going to hate me when they're all older.

OP posts:

Yuckypretty · 17/01/2022 15:10

Could it be an executive functioning issue?

LittleWingSoul · 17/01/2022 15:18

They won't hate you OP! I'm sorry you are going through this at the moment. I also have 3 kids, 2 have ASD and I have had low points like this too. You are not lazy, if it was just laziness you wouldn't care or feel the shame and disappointment in yourself. You are not a failure, covid is adding a lot of stress on our lives at the moment with all the unknowns and uncertainty and throw enforced isolation into the mix... Its going to put extra pressure on those with MH conditions.

Hope you get some help from the GP. Once you are all covid clear have you got a close friend or family you can call to come and help, take the pressure off you all a bit? Sounds like that would really help now, but obviously not poss with isolation.

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 17/01/2022 15:45

I got my covid results about 20 minutes ago and they're negative which I'm surprised but pleased about.

I don't have any outside help. My sister used to be great at helping but she's working all the time now.

Kids are home from school, I instantly got snappy and moody. I took myself off to bed, I've had a little cry. I can hear my partner trying to cook dinner whilst dealing with the kids and he's struggling.

I have no idea when I'll get a reply of the gp, I don't think it will be today and tbh, they haven't really been helpful before. I've tried so many different medications. I don't think I'm meant to be happy.

OP posts:

Notgettingbetter · 17/01/2022 16:18

Sometimes it unfortunately takes a few different tries to find the right antidepressant for you. And it's often the case that you have to be really pushy and assertive with the NHS. Sometimes I get my partner to call for me - he has a deep voice and can be more firm than me!

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 17/01/2022 22:02

I've tried so much. I feel like I'm at breaking point. Everyone has their limit and this feels like mine. I'm just hoping I can get some sleep tonight. My partner has now caught what we all had, so he's really unwell. It feels like we can't catch a break.

I feel awful for the way I handled today. I was snappy and moody for no reason, I hope the Dr's reply tomorrow xx

OP posts:

LittleWingSoul · 17/01/2022 22:39

Could you call Samaritans in the meantime OP?

douliket · 17/01/2022 23:32

This is like me typing your posts. I am
In the exact same boat as you. I have just gone to the doc last week and told
Him that I just cannot do this anymore. I told him how I stay in my room constantly trying to switch off from life. I have four kids and 3 are autistic. I told my doc that while I am not suicidal, I don't really care if I was dead or alive. There is no fun anymore in my life. I can't motivate myself to clean the house or go anywhere with the kids, it's too exhausting. I can barely get them a dinner made,am ordering way too many takeaways. I dread school mornings as my kids hate school and it's exhausting trying to get them to go in. I am on an anti anxiety med for years but not working as well lately. My kids asked me the other day why I was up out of bed🥲🥲 it makes me feel so useless l

douliket · 17/01/2022 23:36

I also suffer with insomnia so hope I sleep tonight. I was told today by a friend who messaged me that breakdowns are actually breakthroughs, they occur when new beginnings need to be created xx

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 19/01/2022 05:00

@douliket

This is like me typing your posts. I am In the exact same boat as you. I have just gone to the doc last week and told Him that I just cannot do this anymore. I told him how I stay in my room constantly trying to switch off from life. I have four kids and 3 are autistic. I told my doc that while I am not suicidal, I don't really care if I was dead or alive. There is no fun anymore in my life. I can't motivate myself to clean the house or go anywhere with the kids, it's too exhausting. I can barely get them a dinner made,am ordering way too many takeaways. I dread school mornings as my kids hate school and it's exhausting trying to get them to go in. I am on an anti anxiety med for years but not working as well lately. My kids asked me the other day why I was up out of bed🥲🥲 it makes me feel so useless l

I'm sorry that you're feeling the same way, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Kids have a fantastic way of making us feel crap sometimes, I'm sure they don't mean too but it still hurts.

Do you find anything that helps? Xx

OP posts:

Original poster

Dreamitaway · 19/01/2022 05:04

Considering my covid test came back as negative, everyone else in my house is now positive.

The doctors called but they were useless. They put me on for a medication review but it's yet another waiting list. When I asked what I should do in the meantime, his reply was to rest. He said he can't promise me that the psych will even see me. I explained that waiting is incredibly hard to do when feeling this low and he said try having a bath.

So annoyed with how mental health has been dealt with during this pandemic, its been a joke

OP posts:

Flip

1 2