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Original poster

I need to have a whinge

41 replies

Debroglie · 12/01/2022 18:34

My anxiety is horrific today and I have no idea what to do about it. I tried going for a walk earlier but it didn’t help.
I’m so sick of living in absolute misery like this. I wish I’d never had dc because I have to stay alive for them but I really really don’t want to.
I’m sitting in my downstairs loo because it’s the only place I can without being constantly irritated by my family (except now dh is trying the door so even here isn’t perfect). Sometimes I sleep on the floor in here so I can be on my own. I’m a professional woman in her 40s sleeping in a downstairs loo. What a fucking shitshow! I was at uni for 8 years and now I don’t even sleep in a bed! So much for working hard building a comfortable life.
I hate every single aspect of my life. I have been trying to accept that I will never be happy about my life in the hope that some acceptance of my situation might help with the anxiety. It’s not working.
I took 6 months off my antidepressants to see if that helped and actually my anxiety did get better but the depression got worse. I prefer being depressed to being anxious but my family prefer the anxious me because I am better at serving their needs than when I am depressed.
I really need to find a way to accept things as they are and not be so pissed off about it all. I’m so angry all the time and I would love to just take a baseball bat and smash up my house and car and garden to try and release the frustration. I can’t even have a good cry with upsetting the dc and then I feel even worse for making them suffer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Debroglie · 12/01/2022 21:39

Everyday is a repeat of hell! I’m sorry that you understand DickMabutt
Suffering is immaterial to nhs mental health services. If you’re not making suicide attempts or making a nuisance of yourself by calling 999/turning up at a and e, then you are not going to be given help. As long as you are able to keep your nightmare hidden then no chance.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 12/01/2022 21:44

I did none of those things. I saw my GP and said how I felt. I had help.

Original poster
Debroglie · 12/01/2022 21:49

Actually even after I took an overdose I got no help. They discharged me from the hospital but I was still confused and didn’t know how to get home and had no money for a taxi. I slept in the waiting room at the hospital on and off for a few hours then a member of staff who was leaving work but recognised me from the ward found me and arranged for a taxi. So kind of him. That was just our if the kindness of his heart not because it was part of the nhs care. Then no follow up from the doctors after that. Wish idbloody succeeded then. Would have saved my dh and dc a lot of pain.

OP posts:
SandysMam · 13/01/2022 05:07

I also think your DH Is a big part of the problem, he sounds very uncaring. Have you thought about separating?

Original poster
Debroglie · 13/01/2022 05:58

I think he’s just had enough of me and is struggling himself.
I have thought about separating but I don’t think that would improve anything and some things would be much more difficult.
I don’t want to change things. Just to accept them as they are.

OP posts:
Sarahlou63 · 13/01/2022 11:46

So if there was a way to change things you wouldn't want it?

Original poster
Debroglie · 13/01/2022 18:49

Yes I’d change things if I could but I don’t think it’s possible so I’d rather focus on trying to accept things as they are.

OP posts:
Wandamakesporridge · 13/01/2022 21:50

First off get the bed situation sorted.
Why does your DH get the bed and you don’t? Even if you don’t have a spare room there’s got to be a better option than bathroom floor. A sofa bed in the living room? Take it in turns in the bedroom with DH? A single mattress on the floor of your bedroom? I think having a comfy bed space would make a big difference.

bongobingo43 · 13/01/2022 22:11

I know there are much bigger problems to address but getting a decent sleep would really help.

Can you sleep on a couch? Get a sofa bed? Blow up mattress on the floor in living room?

bongobingo43 · 13/01/2022 22:12

@Debroglie

Yes I’d change things if I could but I don’t think it’s possible so I’d rather focus on trying to accept things as they are.
What would you like to change? Make a list. At least it's a starting point
Original poster
Debroglie · 14/01/2022 06:47

I’m really not going to change things. I want to change my reactions to the situation. That’s all I’m interested in. That’s where I want to focus my energies.

OP posts:
bongobingo43 · 14/01/2022 07:40

@Debroglie I don't imagine many people having a happy and positive attitude to life while they're sleep deprived and sleeping in a shower cubicle every night of their lives.

MichelleScarn · 14/01/2022 07:46

@bongobingo43

I know there are much bigger problems to address but getting a decent sleep would really help.

Can you sleep on a couch? Get a sofa bed? Blow up mattress on the floor in living room?

Agree with this, why not sleep on the sofa?
Wolfiefan · 14/01/2022 08:54

You’ll be wasting your energies.
You can change things and you should.
Make practical changes at home.
See your GP.

Original poster
Debroglie · 14/01/2022 09:19

I agree that I would most likely feel better if I slept properly but I wouldn’t get decent sleep on the sofa and I would be disturbed even more by my family. I don’t always sleep in the bathroom. Sometimes I sleep on the top bunk in my ds bedroom.
I really have tried to make changes in the past and they haven’t helped because the problem is me!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 14/01/2022 16:14

The problem may be your mental health. But it’s not you. Small changes can make a big difference.

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