Have recently realised I have ADHD

[Sorchamarie]

Has any one else realised as an adult woman that you have ADHD? I recently have come to that rather startling realisation myself, although I haven't fully accepted it yet, so obviously haven't started down the path to diagnosis, if I ever do. But it would be good to talk to anyone else how might have gone, or be going through this process of realisation as well. I do have one friend with ADHD, but I don't want to burden her too much with all my rambling insights as they come up!

The last two posts resonate so much with me. You are not alone ladies

Autistic and adhd here and late diagnosed. I am working with my doctor on figuring out meds which work for me.

Adhd itself has crossover conditions that fall into mental health just as being autistic does. Late diagnosis means I am putting my hand up cheerfully to imposter syndrome, perfectionist issues, depression, anxiety amongst others.

Neurodiversity typically ends up with people crossing over into the mental health category because we navigate a world not designed for us which throws many extra challenges hence also generally coming under the disability label although people chose to see that label differently depending on their outlook.

Whoever it was who used the term impairment, please don't, it is very old school terminology which is generally considered offensive amongst a lot of the disability community.

• Yes to being efficient round the house, always firefighting and trying to do too many jobs at once then forgetting what I was doing.

To me doing multiple thongs is normal. Maybe this is where I'm going wrong. One of the reasons that I'm often late, which a friend pointed out, is that if I'm early I'll make the incorrect judgment that I should fit in something additional, instead of just going ahead and being early.

Oh and being autistic and adhd has it's own quirks as the two conditions aren't ideal to have together

I need a routine yet am impulsive

I sensory seek food with no impulse control especially when anxious or dysregulated

I need organisation and order yet my executive functioning and ability to keep things in order is a disaster

I want to have all the adventures and excitement yet I need everything to be predictable and under control

I was the organiser of my group, the social whirlwind but it was because that way I was controlling everything about my environment including the people

Can I ask as an adult woman who cannot afford to go privately how you go about getting diagnosed. I have long suspected I may have it & other family members have been officially diagnosed as children. TIA

@Eloise12

Can I ask as an adult woman who cannot afford to go privately how you go about getting diagnosed. I have long suspected I may have it & other family members have been officially diagnosed as children. TIA

GP appointment and ask to be referred for assessment.

@Sorchamarie

I wrote a reply to you, Puffalicious, but it hasn't posted. I'm happy for your son that his ADHD does not affect his mental health, but for me, who is grabbing with anxiety, depression, extreme self esteem issues, such a strong fear of rejection that I've sworn off all romantic relationships for the rest of my life, and also a eating disorder that I've had for nearly 30 years, my struggles with being neuro diverse in a neuro typical world, very much are a mental health issue.

A lot of people with undiagnosed, untreated ADD present with depression. ADHD's impact can lead to social problems, employment problems, domestic chaos all of which can cause anxiety and severe low mood.

Who decides it's not a MH issue? I would argue that it is, whether or not it's currently listed as one. It's a neurodiversity which negatively impacts on the quality of daily life and can be deeply frustrating and debilitating to those who have to cope with it or mask it.

@deerison and @Unicornocopia, the things you list resonate so much with me. I am a chronic procrastinator in all areas of my life. I will develop a block over things and just not do them until they reach crisis point and I do this even though I know the problems I am creating.

Christmas is a bit of a nightmare for me too, as I start with all these wonderful plans to make it all magical and pinterest/Nigella-style and then end up having to pare everything back to the bare bones as I have left it all too late.

The elves get moved once every three days if I'm lucky, and never do anything creative.

Work-wise, I am a shocking doodler and also struggle to concentrate in zoom meetings. As I often chair them, this is not ideal and I often remember nothing of what anyone else has said.

I am terrified of public speaking, yet instead of dealing with that by preparing early, I always leave it until the last minute, ensuring I only just about know what I'm talking about, and often get confused and have to skip bits (I am sure nobody ever knows what I have been talking about but are just too polite to say so).

I am a hoarder too, so the house is a constant disaster and source of much angst and conflict (and I feel terrible for the kids so make endless promises to myself to sort it out, work really hard on it for a while and then lose my impetus).

I am also overweight and don't exercise enough, a bit of a disaster area generally when I list it all out.

My mental health generally is surprisingly OK though (I think) and somehow I have managed to hold down a good job, though I had to move into a role that could accommodate my inability to focus on one thing for a long time, and tendency to only do things just before the deadline.

I did an online quiz once and I matched many of the symptoms of ADHD, though not all to be fair. I did go to the doctor just before Covid but she said I needed to start taking my thyroxine medication regularly to rule out problems there, and I keep forgetting it, so have got no further (so in fairness I may not have ADD at all, just a thyroid imbalance (I definitely don't have H)).

Anyway, it is reassuring to read of others with similar issues, as I am constantly amazed at how easily other people I know manage their work and home lives.

@Eloise12 another vote for GP. They are commissioned and paid to do ADHD assessments in my area. Good luck, they may well be evasive

Yes.

I've recently been diagnosed with autism and have now begun the process of assessment for ADHD too.

I am a 37 year old functioning adult with a husband, family, mortgage etc. I have always had difficulties, but never I had a clue, until my daughter was diagnosed with autism aged 3 two years ago. I am a total masker. I went on a load of courses so that I could learn about autism to help her and it was like smacks in the face of realisation several times over as a learned. That's me, that's me, that's me too!

As I learned more about that I also learned more about ADHD, and that fits too. So we begin to process again.

It's astonishing when your read lose how very wrong the stereotypes for these differences are because I do not fit the traditional view of someone with either. Yet I'm certain I've both. One, the professionals agree and the other we will soon find out!

Hello, hello! So pleased to see this thread. I am in a very similar spot to many of you. We are a family of dyslexics and I have realised that several of us also have ADHD.

My parents looked into this when I was a child - they never discussed it, but I found a booklet and my diet changed - OJ etc were banned. I was terribly embarrassed and ashamed and have masked it since then. I now feel so sad about that - all the stuff that has happened and how hard I've been on myself.

One of my DC's is a fidget and his EP reports talk about this, but I've realised that his main issues are very, very similar to mine. Procrastination, personal disorganisation, a horrible self critical voice, lots of creative, wonderful ideas but struggle to see them through - well, the list goes on....

I am really keen to get some help as my business needs me to focus and my family needs me lead by example.

Someone upthread mentioned that Mumsnet is a distraction when they feel overwhelmed - me too!!

As people have talked about mental health issues that are often present in conjunction with ADHD, I was wondering if those of you who are being diagnosed with adults were also assessed for mental health issues at the same time? My lifelong friend (known each other for 45 years and are more like sisters) possibly has ADHD, has a DC diagnosed and having been through that process is aware of the possibility. However, she also very clearly has mental health issues but is refusing to speak to anyone (her actual sister, her husband and I have all tried talking to her about it).

I have not said it to anyone else but her hyper-sensitivity to criticism/self-comparison, envy/shame - which have been getting progressively worse as time goes by - are suggestive of possible personality disorder. I see that Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is something that is connected to ADHD.... I'm not sure that she would ever go to anyone for assessment of any kind but I'm wondering if anyone here has gone for an adult assessment of ADHD and also made discoveries about their mental health? It's not so much about getting a label to stick on things, I'm definitely not looking for an internet diagnosis but would love for her to get some professional assessment/help so that life could possibly be a little less hard for her. Did your adult assessments lead to life improvement for you?

i now realise I think I have it too. At 36.

it all makes sense reading all these comments. I know I’m a bit different and last night when I googled ‘mood balancing’ this thread came up. I’m so happy medication helped u. This is what I’m hoping for too. Something to settle me.