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Original poster

Have recently realised I have ADHD

63 replies

Sorchamarie · 24/12/2021 01:28

Has any one else realised as an adult woman that you have ADHD? I recently have come to that rather startling realisation myself, although I haven't fully accepted it yet, so obviously haven't started down the path to diagnosis, if I ever do. But it would be good to talk to anyone else how might have gone, or be going through this process of realisation as well. I do have one friend with ADHD, but I don't want to burden her too much with all my rambling insights as they come up!

OP posts:
Jujules20 · 26/12/2021 14:06

@Puffalicious

I'm sorry to hear that justjustwhy but ADHD as a diagnosis is not a mental health condition. This is where confusion lies which leads the public as a whole to label my DS as having mental health issues when he doesn't: he has ADHD, ASD and epilepsy. His brain works differently: he doesn't have a chemical imbalance, it's hard-wired into him from birth, just as other people were born with an issue with a leg/ arm/ finger.

It's an important distinction. I do hope your DC gets the support she needs.

But ADHD is classified as a psychiatric disorder, which simply means that it’s a condition that involves mental functioning that causes significant impairment.

My DH was diagnosed at 32. One thing for sure is it doesn't affect one's intelligence.

NorthSouthcatlady · 26/12/2021 14:14

@Puffalicious is right. Lots of people think neurodiversity is a part of mental health but it’s not. I even had to tell a that GP the other day Hmm They were unhappy to be challenged, other professionals interjected to say l am right. They were trying to avoid doing an ADHD assessment. But as other people have said autism, ADHD, dyslexia etc will impact on people’s mental health

allfurcoatnoknickers · 26/12/2021 14:20

Me! I was diagnosed at 32. Had DS and all my coping strategies simultaneously failed.

I was lucky enough to be able to afford a private diagnosis. Started medication immediately and it's like night and day. Suddenly my brain was quiet for the first time in my life. It was amazing.

Puffalicious · 26/12/2021 16:03

[quote NorthSouthcatlady]@Puffalicious is right. Lots of people think neurodiversity is a part of mental health but it’s not. I even had to tell a that GP the other day Hmm They were unhappy to be challenged, other professionals interjected to say l am right. They were trying to avoid doing an ADHD assessment. But as other people have said autism, ADHD, dyslexia etc will impact on people’s mental health[/quote]
Thank you. I'm so sorry medical practitioners were so ignorant, that is not good.

It's an important distinction to make. Whilst not negating others' experience of poor mental health the ADHD itself is not a mental health or psychiatric condition (jujules20 I don't know where you've heard this). My child was diagnosed by a neurologist, not a MH practitioner. It's closely related to epilepsy: many epileptic patients also have ADHD, the physical issues in the brain are thought to come from similar areas in some epilepsy sufferers.

Onceuponatimethen · 26/12/2021 16:09

DSM 5 which is the US manual of psychiatry disorders includes ADHD

Onceuponatimethen · 26/12/2021 16:11

Just to reiterate @NorthSouthcatlady the op started this in mh. Because she is struggling with mh. As do many with adhd.

That’s the only context in which @Puffalicious is raising this point. The rest of us are just saying it’s ok for op to begin this thread in mh, which is usually a very supportive board.

Onceuponatimethen · 26/12/2021 16:12

@Jujules20 my point about DSM 5 was agreeing with you

DyingDeclaration · 26/12/2021 16:18

Following with interest. Also awaiting an assessment privately, My son was diagnosed some time ago - a typical hyperactive boy. Husband has similar traits. But very slowly realising over the last 18 months that the inattentive side of ADHD is also very "me" and would explain a lot....

Cyw2018 · 26/12/2021 16:21

I suspect I have ADHD (I'm 40). I find the ADDitude podcasts really helpful for increasing my understanding and for management strategies. From what I've learned I've decided I wouldn't want to be mediated at this time, but I understand that menopause + ADHD can be a BAD combination, so I may have to pursue diagnosis and treatment at some point.

Unicornocopia · 26/12/2021 17:03

I think I've been very, very lucky with diagnosis and treatment times. First saw GP in April this year, assessment and diagnosis in July and am about to start medication next week. I think waiting lists are much longer already than they were in the first half of the year.

I've had a few reactions from people who think it's like having a personality disorder. I haven't bothered telling anybody else, it's not my job to educate people out of their misconceptions.

NorthSouthcatlady · 26/12/2021 17:34

@Puffalicious l think it’s part of a wider problem with GP’s being avoidant of mental health and neurodiversity sadly

NorthSouthcatlady · 26/12/2021 17:36

@MissHavershamReturns oh, l know. The 2 aren’t in separate silos, they will influence each other. A patient only the other day mentioned to me he had dyslexia, then he said he didn’t think that was relevant. As a mental health nurse then l told l thought it was actually very relevant, that it will have an effect on him and it was useful he told me

CatherineCawood · 26/12/2021 17:58

@MrsStrongman

I also think I may have ADHD. I have OCD & social anxiety which are both well controlled currently. ADHD makes a lot of sense for me. I too have not even started towards a diagnosis or even spoke about it to anyone because I feel like I'd be told not to be ridiculous!
My misdiagnosed OCD disappeared the day I started ADHD medication. Turns out it was my brain going a million miles per hour not OCD.
Puffalicious · 27/12/2021 01:59

@MissHavershamReturns

Just to reiterate *@NorthSouthcatlady* the op started this in mh. Because she is struggling with mh. As do many with adhd.

That’s the only context in which @Puffalicious is raising this point. The rest of us are just saying it’s ok for op to begin this thread in mh, which is usually a very supportive board.

Are you trying to suggest PP and I are not being supportive? Where have you gleaned this? If this is how it's come across this was not the intention at all. NorthSouthcatlady expresses it very well- as a MH practitioner she should know.

For those quoting US definitions that's not relevant as it's certainly not what we are told here in the UK.

Jujules20 · 27/12/2021 02:25

@Puffalicious
You are coming off very diffensive. No one is attacking adhds. As some have rightly pointed out OP posted here for a reason.

Teenagetrouble · 27/12/2021 02:46

@CatherineCawood can I ask what medication you use and what impact it has had?

Teenagetrouble · 27/12/2021 02:47

@allfurcoatnoknickers could I ask you as well what medications you are on and what impact it has

ittakes2 · 27/12/2021 06:18

Me! I would love to join in too please. I only realised after my 15 year old daughter realised she had it and when I looked at the symptoms my whole life made sense. My daughter masks very well - unfortunately she learned from me - and we had to lobby her school to complete the school forms but she has been officially diagnosed now. I am going to get assessed as I want to try the meds to help with my concentration. Mumsnet has been a huge distraction for me as when I feel overwhelmed I often come on here to distract myself.

Frogsonglue · 27/12/2021 06:29

Yes, another here! I'm 43 and have been thinking and reading about it over the last couple of years. It explains so much about how my life has unfolded, the underachieving, low self-esteem, inability to stick with anything or see it through...I don't think I'm going to seek a diagnosis, it will be enough to have key people in my life understand this about me, and I'm going to look at coping strategies that might help me salvage the car-crash that is my working life (can't even call it a career). I think understanding this about myself is really going to help me in all sorts of ways, and it's largely through reading about it on MN that I've worked it out. Good luck to everyone else in a similar position.

Puffalicious · 27/12/2021 12:05

[quote Jujules20]@Puffalicious
You are coming off very diffensive. No one is attacking adhds. As some have rightly pointed out OP posted here for a reason.[/quote]
I suppose I feel I have a right to be defensive, to defend my son from a society that often thinks he has a MH/ psychiatric condition or a personality disorder. He has enough on his plate as he grows up dealing with epilepsy and all the issues it brings both physically emotionally and educationally and his ASD. I hate him then being labelled as being mentally ill when he's not. In fact, he's a resilient little boy facing enough prejudice every day.

I'm very sorry OP and so many others have additional MH issues. It must be very hard not understanding your own self/ condition for many years. MH issues should be as discussed/ accepted/ supported as all other health issues, and OP has posted on MH because of these extra issues, I'm just making the point that ADHD is a neuro-diversity.

Puffalicious · 27/12/2021 12:06

I'm bowing out now. I hope you get the support you need OP.

Unicornocopia · 27/12/2021 16:05

[quote Jujules20]@Puffalicious
You are coming off very diffensive. No one is attacking adhds. As some have rightly pointed out OP posted here for a reason.[/quote]
Please don't call us 'ADHDs' we are human being and you are dehumanising us with your inappropriate language.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 27/12/2021 19:03

@Teenagetrouble Sorry for the delay! I'm on 36mg of methylphenidate (Ritalin/Concerta) every morning and then I have a 5mg booster I can take in the afternoon if I need it. Started on 18mg. I have the booster because I metabolize the morning slow release really quickly and it wears off about 2pm.I don't take the booster every day though - generally only on really intense work days and never at the weekend.

I find it just quiets my mind and make me think more clearly. I can focus on one task at a time until it's complete, as opposed to faffing about or jumping from thing to thing and not accomplishing anything.

I have inattentive-type - so don't have an issue staying still or anything. Just major issues with focus and overstimulation.

deerison · 27/12/2021 21:46

This thread is so interesting to me. I wonder if medication / diagnosis would help me. The issues I most struggle with in life, that are possibly linked to possible adhd are:
In work

  • procrastination
  • think before speak, thoughts make sense to me, connecting all the dots but don't always translate to others
  • crying when frustrated and completely unable to control this even though I know it looks awful and makes people judge me.
  • nerves for public speaking. I know I sometimes shake/stutter. Though I am ok generally.
  • sitting still in all day meetings/ conferences without doodling, fidgeting etc. No one ever says anything but surely doesn't look professional.
At home
  • issues controlling both food and alcohol intake. Binge both fairly often.
  • low level occasional bulimia since teens.
  • late for everything. I find it embarrassing that people know me for that eg. on school run but I cant seem to stop it
  • going to bed too late. I get distracted. Just generally sticking to a schedule.
  • being efficient around the house.

Are some of these things others with adhd relate to?

Unicornocopia · 27/12/2021 22:19

@deerison

This thread is so interesting to me. I wonder if medication / diagnosis would help me. The issues I most struggle with in life, that are possibly linked to possible adhd are: In work
  • procrastination
  • think before speak, thoughts make sense to me, connecting all the dots but don't always translate to others
  • crying when frustrated and completely unable to control this even though I know it looks awful and makes people judge me.
  • nerves for public speaking. I know I sometimes shake/stutter. Though I am ok generally.
  • sitting still in all day meetings/ conferences without doodling, fidgeting etc. No one ever says anything but surely doesn't look professional.
At home
  • issues controlling both food and alcohol intake. Binge both fairly often.
  • low level occasional bulimia since teens.
  • late for everything. I find it embarrassing that people know me for that eg. on school run but I cant seem to stop it
  • going to bed too late. I get distracted. Just generally sticking to a schedule.
  • being efficient around the house.

Are some of these things others with adhd relate to?

Hi, I'm diganosed:
  • yes to procrastination but the flip side of that for me is being driven to do stuff when I'm trying to relax, like thinking and obsessing about all the tasks I have to do when I get up and completing a mish mash of tasks like hanging washing while making tea and boiling an egg at the same time
  • think before speak. I have learned to be really careful about this, I 'suffer' with very black and white thinking and so can have a strong feeling about something being right or following the rules and have to remind myself that for others there will be more nuance so I need to sensor myself
  • I don't experience the crying or nerves in public but I came from a very emotion suppressing home so learned never to do this
  • sitting still in meetings is hell for me, also. I also doodle or need to get up, count down time to breaks etc. When I was doing zoom training during covid I'd have to restrain myself from flicking to other screens, completing my tax return at the same time
  • issues with food and alcohol, known to binge, definitely yes
  • also bulimic on and off thogh not since I had therapy a few years ago
  • I'm not late because I'm obsessive and hyperfocussed over time. I have no natural sense of time and rely on alarms for everythinng.
  • yes to going to bed too late, sticking to a schedule which is infuriating and I do best when heavily scheduled.
  • Yes to being efficient round the house, always firefighting and trying to do too many jobs at once then forgetting what I was doing.