Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Thoughts of ending my life

36 replies

howdoibegintodeal · 09/12/2021 14:23

I've reached my limit and I dont know what to do. I'm on the phone to a mental health advisor and he keeps telling me to go to my GP but I'm scared to. I'm scared to take the thoughts into action and the thoughts are making me panic and I dont know what to do. A&E's across the road, would they get angry if I went over?

OP posts:
silvercosmopolitian · 10/12/2021 14:00

Op if you phone the GP practice, you can have your prescription sent to a pharmacy much nearer you. Have you spoken to your university student wellbeing service at all ?

Original poster
howdoibegintodeal · 10/12/2021 14:23

@silvercosmopolitian

Op if you phone the GP practice, you can have your prescription sent to a pharmacy much nearer you. Have you spoken to your university student wellbeing service at all ?
They won’t because of covid seemingly, said only in dire emergencies will they send to a chemist . Frustratingly . I have yes, I’m meant to have an essay and a presentation due in on Monday and I’m just staring at the four walls of my room, Uni work feels impossible. I asked family if I could come home and told no.
OP posts:
overthethamesfromyou · 10/12/2021 14:34

I would call student support, if you can. They were fantastic when my dd reached crisis point last year. I hope they can help.

Even if you can't visit, can you go and base yourself at home?

Original poster
howdoibegintodeal · 10/12/2021 19:14

@overthethamesfromyou

I would call student support, if you can. They were fantastic when my dd reached crisis point last year. I hope they can help.

Even if you can't visit, can you go and base yourself at home?

I’ve spoken to them, they just keep phoning and handing me helpline phone numbers . Which helps but I need to see an actual human, but that doesn’t seem to be an option . GP said A&E isn’t appropriate for suicidal, only if I get as far as trying, and I haven’t got any friends or family I could ask for help. I’d be too scared to admit how I’m feeling in case they’re angry . Tried yesterday to tell one and got told I’m a stupid girl .

I’ve spent seven days going from bed to shower; to sitting on bed, to lying under the covers, then back to the shower, I don’t even open the curtains so I’m not sure when it’s day or night . I’ve never felt so desperate and alone .

I’ve asked family if I can come home, but realistically I can’t if my mums in a care home, I’d be rattling around a 3 bed house alone and unable to visit mum and no family within visiting distance, so it wouldn’t be worth it .

I did ask social worker if they could wait until after Christmas, but she said no choice, if they decide mum hasn’t capacity then they can move her against her will seemingly and will do so as soon as possible . Its horrendous and I feel it’s all my fault for going to uni in the first place .

OP posts:
Original poster
howdoibegintodeal · 10/12/2021 19:19

Care home is 30 miles from where mum lives at the moment, it would take me six-seven hours on buses from where I am just now - cross country and then bus to town and then bus to care home - or three buses from mums house . Being totally honest I can’t afford it even if I could go . So it could be months before I see mum other than FaceTime . Sister’s carers are trying to forward plan a way of sister and mum seeing each other but have said covid might well mean they can’t at all, as both would be under guidance for ‘care homes’ .

OP posts:
overthethamesfromyou · 10/12/2021 19:29

It's really not your fault Thanks I really feel for you and I would reach out to any of the lines that student support give you. Does your hall have a 24 hour warden in place?

Original poster
howdoibegintodeal · 10/12/2021 20:48

@overthethamesfromyou

It's really not your fault Thanks I really feel for you and I would reach out to any of the lines that student support give you. Does your hall have a 24 hour warden in place?
They dont, no. Think uni have skeleton services next week, got a message saying they're closing as much as possible early because of covid19 but hopefully someone will still be able to talk to me .

Ironically family have just told me they dont want me to leave the effing house in case I catch covid and give it to them .

But then in same breath said they dont want me home either .

It's like some sort of weird psychological torture and when I asked to stop phoning, was told the problem is all mine and in my head ... aaaargh .

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 10/12/2021 21:54

When people say “reach out, tell people how you feel” they don’t factor in family responding like that, do they? I’ve had similar responses in the past, @howdoibegintodeal. It’s shit, and I’m really sorry you haven’t got better support.

I’m wondering if the student Union might have some support for those staying over Christmas? There will be foreign students and others who can’t get home.

SparklingLime · 13/12/2021 18:25

Just wondering how you are doing, @howdoibegintodeal?

overthethamesfromyou · 26/12/2021 08:51

I hope Christmas Day was ok and that you found someone at uni to talk to and spend time with.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 26/12/2021 08:55

Hi, I've just come across your post and didn't want to read and run. I hope things are starting to look up for you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page