In crisis but I’m scared to go to the hospital (last thread removed)

[Mentalhealthcrisishelpplease]

My last thread got deleted so I’ve removed some stuff.

I think I am having a bipolar disorder relapse and am in crisis due to a number of life things but also just my head in general. I have diagnoses of bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, OCD and anxiety. I take lamotrogine, sertraline, diazepam, quetiapine, aripriprizole, and pregabalin, all max doses, and nothing is working.

I haven’t showered in over a week or brushed my teeth or washed my hair. I’ve been wearing the same underwear for four days. I’ve not been sleeping properly, broken sleep and waking up and starting the day at 3am. I’ve been spending impulsively and have lost productivity at work resulting in losing a lot of work and a lot of money in refunds.

I’ve got some shit going on in my life that is causing me chronic stress, I’m looking after a household because my partner does not have a job, my child is being assessed for autism (he’s 20 months), everything is my fault.

I have been sat here in bed crying silently for an hour but I just want to scream.

I feel in a mixed state, my head is going a mile a minute, my gut filled with anxiety, my actions impulsive, my mood low, my sleep broken.

I dont know what to do. My partner is a great dad and I can hear them downstairs giggling. I’m working all the time anyway to keep the house afloat. He doesn’t love me properly.

I don’t know whether to just do it, whether to go to A&E and be assessed, I can’t get through to my community mental health team and there is no crisis line. I’m too much of a mess to show up to the hospital without embarrassing myself. I don’t know what to do someone please help me

Go to A&E as your partner can look after your toddler while you're there.
If A&e aren't helpful then wait till morning & phone your CMHT tell them you're in crisis.

It does also seem like you need a meds review. As you take various meds that are obviously not working well for you.

I do know where you're coming from as I have a serious mental illness & take 30mg Aripiprazole like you among other things.
But I only have a cat not a lively toddler to worry about!! Sadly.

You have a lot on your plate, bipolar aside, and you sound incredibly strong. It's time to look after you. I have no practical advice but I'm currently going through and autism diagnosis with my son too. Happy to chat any time.

Call 111. They can get a doctor to call you back and discuss things.

Call 111 and press option 2 that's the MH option

Go to A&E and get help. I am a nurse and used to work in A&E and we saw all sorts of people and didn't judge. You sound like you're at the end of your tether and need some help. I hope things work out for you.

Call 111
Keep trying your community mental health team.
Have a shower and put on clean clothes
Have some to eat.
Go for a walk.
Cal 111 and/or your community mental health team as often as you feel you need to.

I think you should go to A&E as long as you can get yourself there safely. Or call 111 and tell them everything you’ve typed above.
Even without your diagnosis of bipolar you have a lot to deal with and some professional intervention should help.
Please put your self first.

You have such a lot on your plate. Toddler, job and meds. Take yourself to A&E

Hello Mentalhealthcrisishelpplease,

We are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

When any of our users feel this way we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

@FlowerArranger

Call 111 Keep trying your community mental health team. Have a shower and put on clean clothes Have some to eat. Go for a walk. Cal 111 and/or your community mental health team as often as you feel you need to.

This

And keep talking here.

I agree with the PP who said that you need a medication review. You are taking a lot of medication, that presumably cause a lot of side effects, but you are still feeling dreadful. Clearly it's not working for you & needs readjusting urgently.

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m failing all the time and everything is just getting too much my head feels so heavy with bad thoughts

Mixed states are so vile, I feel for you on the plus side, you sound like you’re aware that you’re becoming poorly and that’s always a really positive sign. Please go to A and E - you’re unwell and need urgent help, just as you would if you suddenly came down with meningitis or something. Do you have a friend or family member who could go with you while your partner looks after DC?

@Mentalhealthcrisishelpplease

I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m failing all the time and everything is just getting too much my head feels so heavy with bad thoughts

This is your brain fucking with you, I promise. It feels like the truth, but it’s not. This feeling WILL pass, it always does. Keep hanging in there

I spoke to my lead practitioner this morning and she said it sounds like a bipolar relapse (I’ve been good for over a year now) and that on duty will try to call me tomorrow but I feel I can’t make it through the night like this. I’m in my room do my toddler doesn’t see me cry. My partner can’t take me to A&E and all of my family are out at a performance tonight so can’t either.

Have you called 111?

When my dd is in your position (no kids she can't look after herself) I drop her and a&e, big city hospital with an on-site mental health triage team. Firstly I persuade her to shower, put on clothes and eat a savoury meal, things she can go days, weeks sometimes not doing, sometimes I bring her back from depression without hospital but typically we are at a&e 3-4 times a year because they stop mental health support after 6 weeks each time

Longer term you need your team to go through medicine cabinet you listed and work out a treatment programme that works for you as adding more and more obviously isn't - it will require intensive help potentially but they do provide it.

I called 111. They said crisis team will try to call me within 4 hours

Ok. Let’s say that if they haven’t called in 1 hour from now you call a cab and go to a and e?

For now.

Shower

Your daughter sounds like me @gogohm / if it wasn’t for my son I wouldn’t be here. 4 crisis team interventions in 6 months the year before he was born

I’m sorry I don’t have any good practical advice but just wanted to say I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time right now and you have done brilliantly to recognise that your mental health is declining and taken some action to get some help. I hope the crisis team call you really soon and get a plan and support in place. 💕

When you cant do any more get someone else to carry the burden for a while.
You dont need to shower, do anything or carry anybody else today. Get a taxi to a& e and ask a professional to help.
Press that pause button on all your burdens and let other people take the weight.
Its ok to do that.
Some of them have spent years training so they can help someone just like you.
So let them do their job.

They just called for about two seconds and hung up so I missed it

How are you feeling now?

You waited for that call for over an hour and so feel good about that that’s a big deal.

How are you now @Mentalhealthcrisishelpplease?