I don’t want to be here anymore

[Help25]

I’ve had enough. It’s been building up for a while but this morning it’s all come out. I’m a mum to a 5 year old and a 9 month old. Dp helps to some extent but he’s hardly here at weekends as he goes out. I love both DS to bits but I just can’t cope. My house is a shit hole as I just haven’t got the energy. I am sick of the constant crying and moaning and I have nothing to look forward to. I have no purpose in life. I could easily walk out right now and end things.

The only thing you need to end it the relationship, he isn't giving you much in the way of help or support, is he?

Do you have anyone you can call in real life now?

Your life with your babies can be so much better

Have you told your DP how you feel? You need to have an honest conversation with them

@claymodels He could do a lot more put it that way. I have tried to tell him how I am feeling but he brushes it under the carpet. My mum is amazing but she has a couple of things going on in her life so I don’t want to burden her

The fact you've said your "d"p "helps" says it all

This implies he's doing you a favour

NOPE . The kids and house etc are as much his responsibility as yours

In my experience men like this never change. Get rid

@WayneKorr I have tried to but he doesn’t understand. I’ve sat there in tears and he either doesn’t say anything or says something a long the lines of “well this is what being a mum is all about” but I feel like it’s a lot more than that

Please don't do that there is help out there. Immediate short term I've used shout (text service so if people are around and you don't want to be overheard they're good) and the Samaritans before. Can you call your partner back from wherever he is? This is a crisis and he needs to help you. If he's a total dickhead and won't come back, is there anyone else you can call? Just so you're not alone. Then tomorrow try and get to the GP and tell them what you've said here. You need help urgently.

My mum is amazing but she has a couple of things going on in her life so I don’t want to burden her

I'm pretty sure she would want to know. You're not a burden

If you don’t have anyone in real life to speak to please call The Samaritans on 116 123 - some one there will listen

Your health visitor could also be useful - if you need more support a local charity like HomeStart may be able to help if they refer you

Your GP may be helpful in signposting counselling or even discussing possible medical intervention while you go through this tricky patch

There are people to help if you ask - nothing is worth leaving your children, there is a way forward

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers have said, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We're going to move this one over to our mental health board now.

Ah OK, I think you should ring your mum, then ring your Dr on Monday,
You are not alone feeling like this but you need some support at the moment

@RedDeadRoach

My mum is amazing but she has a couple of things going on in her life so I don’t want to burden her

I'm pretty sure she would want to know. You're not a burden

Agree ! If my daughters ever felt like this id want to know

Thanks everyone. It all came out to my mum yesterday. She’s been very supportive and I’m feeling much better. Obviously having 2 children with someone who is barely there is hard work and I’m sure I’ll still have some days where I feel like crying and have good and bad days but I don’t feel as low. Thanks again for all the supportive replies

So glad you spoke to her @Help25

Sending lots of love. Keep talking and let people help you - you deserve it and shouldn’t have to do it all on your own. I’d give your OH an ultimatum - do more or it’s over. I had to have a very similar conversation with mine a good while back and it really did make a difference. I also started taking sertraline which also took the edge off things (being a good mum and not losing my sh*t all the time!!!) xx

Keep talking and ask for support. You’re your kids world ❤️