Fear of ghosts - need help and advice!

[CrazyDiamond30]

Hi,

I feel ridiculous writing this but I need some advice. (please don't share any paranormal experiences, I'll worry for weeks 😩)

I'm nearly 31 years old - an adult - and I've been petrified of even the thought of ghosts since I can ever remember. There are loads of details I could share, but basically I've avoided any conversation about the paranormal and also avoided even leaving the bedroom at night. I sleep with my head completely under covers every night (even if totally sweating) even just as a habit now.

If I hear something (be it a story, or a noise that freaks me out - anything that triggers it really) it can affect me for weeks where I'm in a constant state of anxiousness and worry, and I have bad dreams and intrusive, vivid thoughts/imagery.

I've been particularly bad the last few weeks or so and I've noticed my hair has quickly started thinning - might be unrelated.

I've always been able to avoid having to face up to it head on really, but my daughter has recently moved to her own room since sleeping in our room since birth and it has set things off for me really badly. I don't mind getting up in the night (used to having no sleep now 😂) but going into a different, dark room and not being able to basically hide under covers has started to affect me in day to day life. I have anxiety before going to bed for hours now and every time the baby monitor goes off in the night I have a sheer flood of panic over my body.

Basically I need some help in how to combat this - I recently tried hypnotherapy which didn't really do much for me.

Advice very welcome 😩

Apologies this probably sounds really patronising - what is it you are scared of that ghosts might actually DO?
I don't believe ghosts are real but have always though it would be pretty cool if they were! I wouldn't think they'd be either malevolent or capable of harm in any way.

It sounds like an anxiety issue though - have you spoken to a doctor about this? They may be able to refer you to the right sort of therapy to help with this.

I have had experiences on and off through life and also anxiety around going to sleep. Before I settle I lie on my back eyes closed and imagine that my heart is a ball of light and that light then grows throughout my body and becomes a bubble surrounding me and protecting me. It sounds cuckoo but it works for me. Good luck OP I know how this feels.

Nightlight?
Create a positive and calming bedtime routine and stick to it - clean sheets, warm drink, favourite podcast, book, soft light etc.
Go to bed early, get enough sleep - my anxiety spirals when sleep deprived.

Take duvet with you, wrap it around you.

I recommend yoga and meditation for calming and mental strength. You can buy or borrow recordings/DVD's to follow.

My mum is an expert in this sort of thing, she sees ghosts all the time. She told me you have to visualise a pentagram around you and it will protect you. Basically you lie in bed and visualise the lines of the pentagram being drawn around you in golden light, and it keeps you safe and nothing can harm you. You can visualise it around loved ones too. And if you need to get up during the night you can visualise that golden protection round you like a bubble and you can take it with you.

This sounds like quite a severe anxiety OP - and I've had severe anxiety so I know how paralysing it can be. I think it might be worth you speaking to your gp about this anxiety and maybe get a referral for some CBT. I think focusing on mental health solutions rather than anything supernatural inspired is the way to go - it's not healthy to have this fear affect you so much. Good luck!

If you believe in ghosts than a woo solution might help actually.

Despite being a rational adult, I used to be scared of similar things. A hippy friend of mine told me that when I was scared, to imagine a white light surrounding me as a force field. She said that was positive energy and nothing could get through it.

I actually found it really comforting and it worked for me.

I know it's not a long term solution but it's a coping mechanism for the here and now.

Oh gosh that sounds awful..I don't know if this will help but you need to get some control back and visually the less you have to deal with in your room, your hall and your DD room will help eg make sure you have all cupboard doors closed and nothing hanging on the back of doors. A clear path from your room to your DD.and subtle lighting in hallway. Make sure theres.nothing that will cast shadows. This way you've got a clear path and nothing that will catch your eye..

OP, there isn’t such a thing as a ghost though. There is no evidence they exist whatsoever so that should ease your worries straight away?

Think of it like a seven year old saying they believe in monsters and you’d be trying to explain it’s just fantasy, that’s the exact same with ghosts.

The whole concept of spirits is just illogical. People will argue the toss and say they’ve seen a ghost and if you say that’s impossible, they’ll start with with the ‘you can’t prove they don’t don’t exist’ shight argument.

A ghost is ASC true and real as the tooth fairy. Even a 100 they didn’t have scientific advances so it made sense to assume ghosts existed but with the scientific knowledge we have now, I’m always astounded by the lack of critical thinking.

Hope you feel better after I’ve put you right! 😆

Thank you all for your replies.

@rubydoobydoo - my husband keeps asking me that question and honestly I've no idea what I'm actually scared of. I can only put it down to it confirming that "the unknown" is real and that it's not something I understand I guess. It's more how much my mind spirals out of control with intrusive, horrible imagery thoughts and bad situations.

@TableFlowerss I often think I don't believe in them - but such a large fear must mean I do? It's not that I can't logically and rationally assess that they're probably not real, but my anxious mind creates thoughts like "they are real and you're going to see something and it's going to be bad". Can't really explain.

I saw a hypnotherapist last week (not a great experience unfortunately) and she was explaining that it is probable that stress and issues from my childhood that we discussed was actually nothing to do with ghosts, but as a child you can almost transform your fears into something else i.e fear of ghosts. So she was explaining that I had issues with parents so latched it onto being afraid of nighttime when there would be shouting/arguing etc and then I became scared of the night/dark etc and it spiralled.

I guess it makes sense to a degree but it doesn't take any of it away. I do need to speak to a GP - think that would be best. I'll also try the visualisations!

Ghosts aren't real, and if they were, why would they bevinterested in you?

she was explaining that it is probable that stress and issues from my childhood that we discussed was actually nothing to do with ghosts, but as a child you can almost transform your fears into something else i.e fear of ghosts. So she was explaining that I had issues with parents so latched it onto being afraid of nighttime when there would be shouting/arguing etc and then I became scared of the night/dark etc and it spiralled.

Yep, that sounds pretty much spot on. As a child your subconscious develops all sorts of coping strategies to deal with stuff you don't understand. Why wasn't the experience with the hypnotherapist "not great"?

@handscreen 🤨 erm..okay?

@Sarahlou63 it does make sense to be fair. A lot went on when I was a kid, obviously more than I recognised at a young age. It would've been more night time too so maybe I was afraid of hearing noises in the night etc and the fear has just grown.

The hypnotherapist - firstly it was very rushed and didn't feel very well prepared, it also had no effect on me but I don't think I was in the right frame of mind during the session. I just think the hypnotherapist herself wasn't the right person for me. I've tried to do self hypnotherapy or videos of hypnosis and none of it has worked. Maybe that's not the right avenue anyway - I just hoped it would be a more immediate effect.

@Ryannah Your mother doesn't see ghosts all the time. If she does, there's a million dollar prize she can claim. Even if she doesn't need the money, she could give it to charity. She won't though. Because she doesn't see ghosts.

I have a similar fear, much much milder now but awful in my younger years. I had to spend a week alone in a 4 storey dilapidated Victorian house and was so scared that I almost just sort of came through the other side of it and am much better now. Still have bad nights tho, once I get an idea that I might see whatever (and something quite specific will pop into my mind) that’s it for the night really.

But what has really helped, probably not doable for you but just in case, is having a dog. I know the supernatural doesn’t exist, but if it does, then dogs with their super senses and protective instinct would immediately notice and create a racket, waking up DH as well and the ghost would lose the power of fear, silence and dark and flee. In fact, my dog would notice the second any weird atmosphere started to form. He would bark, the light would go on and the evil would dissipate.

OK, it all sounds bonkers, but it comforts me in the middle of the night. Also it works, I never really see a ghost!

I won't share my experience OP, I dont want to scare you because I know exactly what you are going through. I went through this when I moved into my first house, I was young and alone with 1 dc. It wasn't too bad at first, then I met someone and had a second dc and suffered with really bad mental health. I'm not sure exactly what it was because I never did anything about it. Anyway, a couple of things happened in my house and I was just scared all the time, to the point I had to have my mum stay with me when dp worked away.
I'm much better now, and I do not fear being in my house, and if dp is working nights, I'm absolutely fine. Although now my eldest is 13 and stays up later than me, so I think that helps 🤣.
I look back now and I can rationalise the things that happened and explain them away as something else, but at the time I was absolutely convinced and it consumed me.
Do you think you might be suffering with depression or anxiety and this is how it's manifesting?

You have a phobia and I know and many others how that feels and no matter how irrational that phobia is it feels very very real. I think you will need a lot of help with this.I hope you will be ok

My mum is an expert in this sort of thing, she sees ghosts all the time.

No she doesn't.

Op could the quietness and darkness of the night be making you feel worse about this?

What about setting up some dim nightlights (bright enough to see, but not bright enough to keep you awake)

And maybe put a radio on low for some background noise or download some subliminals/affirmations and have the playing in the background to relax you and soothe you to sleep

Op if a ghost was going to get you, hiding under a blanket wouldn't stop it, and the fact that you wake up safe every day shows that you have no reason to be afraid..can you remember when this fear started?(think back, you might find it started after watching something on TV or hearing someone tell a ghost story or reading something...every fear has a root, if you can figure out what started yours you can then work on that to overcome it

Watch Ghosts on bbc Iplayer ( it’s a very gentle comedy) and try and reframe what ghosts are in your mind?

@CrazyDiamond30 - look for a control hypnotist in your area. They don't use trance so it can be done remotely. (So doesn't actually need to be in your area!!)

OP, there's a very real risk of you transferring your anxieties onto your daughter. You owe it to her to try everything you can to improve your anxiety or risk creating a lifetime of fear and panic for her.

The ghost thing is a red herring, it could just as easily be health anxiety or agoraphobia. Please don't do it.