Fear of ghosts - need help and advice!

[CrazyDiamond30]

Hi,

I feel ridiculous writing this but I need some advice. (please don't share any paranormal experiences, I'll worry for weeks 😩)

I'm nearly 31 years old - an adult - and I've been petrified of even the thought of ghosts since I can ever remember. There are loads of details I could share, but basically I've avoided any conversation about the paranormal and also avoided even leaving the bedroom at night. I sleep with my head completely under covers every night (even if totally sweating) even just as a habit now.

If I hear something (be it a story, or a noise that freaks me out - anything that triggers it really) it can affect me for weeks where I'm in a constant state of anxiousness and worry, and I have bad dreams and intrusive, vivid thoughts/imagery.

I've been particularly bad the last few weeks or so and I've noticed my hair has quickly started thinning - might be unrelated.

I've always been able to avoid having to face up to it head on really, but my daughter has recently moved to her own room since sleeping in our room since birth and it has set things off for me really badly. I don't mind getting up in the night (used to having no sleep now 😂) but going into a different, dark room and not being able to basically hide under covers has started to affect me in day to day life. I have anxiety before going to bed for hours now and every time the baby monitor goes off in the night I have a sheer flood of panic over my body.

Basically I need some help in how to combat this - I recently tried hypnotherapy which didn't really do much for me.

Advice very welcome 😩

Sleep with landing light on? I think ghost thing red herring too, sounds like you would benefit from some counselling.

@MakeMineAdoubleChocolate OP asked people not to share bad experiences in case it frightens her.

Agree with Tempusfudgeit, the ghosts are a red herring. The issue is the anxiety. I think cbt or traditional therepy would be useful to identify and try and deconstruct whatever is causing the anxiety.

My first thought is OCD with the intrusive thoughts, obsessive worrying over it and the compulsive behaviour (head under covers).
I honestly would speak to your GP about it and ask for help.
I had similar worries over an element of paranormal stuff. It was all consuming and ruined my life for about 2 years.
After therapies and medication, it's not something that affects me anymore.

This definitely sounds phobic and mental health related rather than about ghosts OP. I have complex trauma and would actually see ghosts, they never did anything just whispered to me at night and flitted up and down the stairs.
Turns out they were hallucinations related to my mental health condition, once I started taking escitalopram they vanished and never returned.
I believe in the after life but I don't believe in ghosts, I think they are scary things created by our own minds.

I think you need to treat your anxiety.

I would recommend seeing a professional psychotherapist or counsellor rather than hypnotherapy. This is probably due to some deep rooted issue and you won't be able to fully explore and resolve that with a hypnotherapist.

I get you.I know it's not rational but I too am terrified of ghosts,after my grandfather died when I was 11,an innocent comment by someone connected the 2 in my mind and now I cannot allow myself to think about my grandfather in anyway ☹,I hate sleeping in any house alone because of the thought of them etc,if someone mentions them i wont sleep that night,I'm under the covers a lot too.No help I'm afraid but you are not alone.

Thank you everyone again, I really do appreciate these comments. I've felt like I can't really talk to anybody because a) it takes so long to explain how I feel to someone because it often gets fobbed off with "lol, they're not real, just think that" and b) I feel ridiculous talking about it.

I do think that what most of you are saying is right, it must be some underlying anxiety issue. I'm not depressed, I'm pretty much fine. I do get anxious about things but I usually can filter through it and sort my head out. But not with this - maybe it's because I can't address the real reason?

Anyway I really appreciate you all commenting 🤍 I feel supported!

@Tempusfudgeit - I totally appreciate what you are saying and it's a worry for me. In honesty though I feel like this comment is a bit of a guilt trip type thing and I don't need that. I would never want to make my daughter feel in ANY way like this.

Anxiety sounds like your main issue so treat with therapy/CBT etc. Often if there are issues from childhood they can manifest in certain ways and it’s obviously stressing you now and occurring as “ghosts”.

But coupled with the above also use some of the techniques people mention on the first place, especially yoga and meditation to help calm you down especially at night as they do work.

@Ryannah

My mum is an expert in this sort of thing, she sees ghosts all the time. She told me you have to visualise a pentagram around you and it will protect you. Basically you lie in bed and visualise the lines of the pentagram being drawn around you in golden light, and it keeps you safe and nothing can harm you. You can visualise it around loved ones too. And if you need to get up during the night you can visualise that golden protection round you like a bubble and you can take it with you.

This makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Advice like this may make the situation worse for the op and it's very irresponsible. I know that saying ghosts don't exist is probably not going to help the op either, as things like this aren't rational, but I dislike this post so much.

For the record, your mum is not an expert and ghosts don't exist.

I get what @Tempusfudgeit is saying - I’m sure you’d never want your daughter to feel like you do but young kids can pick up on these things. Which is why it’s important to get it sorted out soon.

MakeMineAdoubleChocolate I'm not going to quote your post because I think it should be buried as much as possible. It's awful and you are messing with the anxiety of someone with no thought for them at all.

@knittingaddict

MakeMineAdoubleChocolate I'm not going to quote your post because I think it should be buried as much as possible. It's awful and you are messing with the anxiety of someone with no thought for them at all.

I agree!

Firstly, you do absolutely need to get some help for your anxiety. 100% see your GP, get counselling, perhaps even try some meds, because this is taking over your life.

But .. suppose ghosts are real. I'm sure we'd all agree they were the spirits of people who had inhabited your house (or whatever stood on the land before it) in the past. Yes? It's not like they would just show up out of the blue. If your house WAS haunted, you'd know about it by now. There is no evidence of paranormal activity, so it seems almost 100% certain that your house is spirit free.

I'm not saying whether I believe or not, but what I do believe is that spirits who would hang around properties would do so from day dot rather than showing up at random at some point.

I think you could benefit from therapy.
Also, nightlight and visualizing the golden light around you, really does help.
As someone who has felt this fear in a previous home where I used to live years ago, you have my sympathy

We all came from the spirit world and that's where we will return to. In fact OP, you are a spirit, in a physical body. It's not spooky or weird, it's more natural than people think. It's nothing to be afraid of.

@furbabymama87

We all came from the spirit world and that's where we will return to. In fact OP, you are a spirit, in a physical body. It's not spooky or weird, it's more natural than people think. It's nothing to be afraid of.

Safe to ignore this nonsense too OP

On a similar line to some PPs, I don't think you are frightened of ghosts.

You say you are frightened to go into your DD's bedroom in the dark, however, if you truly thought there might be a ghost there, you wouldn't let her sleep there alone. You are a good mum and you know it's safe enough for your child, therefore, you know it's safe for yourself.

If there was a chance of lions roaming my home, I would be scared to enter a dark room but I certainly wouldn't leave my child alone with them (potentially) in the vicinity.

I think this is fear from a repressed meme our and you need urgent counselling to ensure you don't pass this on to your child.

I'm being a bit cruel to be kind here: assuming you have never actually experienced meeting a ghost, you know this is a completely irrational fear.

As an aside, how many 'death by ghost' headlines have you seen recently?

Glad you're getting some help OP. It's an irrational fear, but one that sounds debilitating.

I have an intense phobia of snakes. I don't know why, but it is horrific. I can't breathe if I even think about them being near. My DH and DC all love them.

We all have active minds. Ghosts aren't real, have never been proven and can't hurt you. I like the white light idea visualisation mentioned above.

Hi OP, you need a Hypnotherapist who specialises in treating Phasmophobia.

You could also speak to your GP about it as anti-anxiety medicine is a possibility. Or, self-refer to CBT.

I know someone who suffered with this. It impacts your life heavily not least because you're tired, anxious and fearful much of the time. It's no good people telling you not to worry or there's no such thing as ghosts; that doesn't help a phobia at all.

In your shoes I'd look up Phasmophobia Hypnotherapy and just go for it.

Oh you poor thing, that sounds awful to live with.

I think a proper therapist is your best option to really drill down into this fear and where it stems from. It makes sense that as a child you were constantly anxious, and as children we tend to fill in gaps in our knowledge with our imaginations - in your case it's ghosts.

I have a phobia as well, and I don't tell people about it because as soon as I mention it I'll get half a dozen people saying, "Oh but I love x" and "you know x can't hurt you" and lots of other thoughtless things that don't actually help. I know it's irrational, that's why trying to apply logic and reason to it is like throwing meringues at a castle!

Op I really feel for you!

I would agree with pp that there are a few things you can do. Cbt for a start. It'll help you understand and manage your feelings.

Also nightlights or motion sensors nightlights.

At night the darkness can feel very empty and threatening or heavy and oppressive, which is why many people start fearing the paranormal once the sun goes down. Anything you can change in your environment to help it feel warmer and more pleasant will help.

Visualisations are wonderful. There are so many you can do, whether you follow some on youbltube or a podcast or make up your own.

As a protective visualisation you can envisage golden light. Lie comfortably and imagine the light coming up to you from the earth and spreading out to form a sphere around you. You are entirely protected within it. If you find yourself worrying about your loved ones, you can send the light out to them to encircle them too.

Or you could envisage somewhere you feel safe and calm. This might be somewhere from your childhood, a memory of bring among your family, or wrapped in a parents arms. Or it could be your favourite place to walk and feel and Peace.

Or you can picture a beach with the waves lapping at the shore. Feeling the cool wet water under you feet and the breeze brushing your skin. Taste the salt in the air and listen to the gulls calling to each other.

Perhaps you prefer a beautiful ancient oak tree by a stream. It's roots stretch down deep into the earth, anchoring and protecting you. You can draw strength and energy from it as you rest against its bark. Feel the earth, twigs and leaves underneath you. Listen to the rustling in the breeze and the gentle rush and burble of the stream as it passes over stones in its bed. The tree stretches up to the blue sky, with light falling gently down to you between its branches and you feeling warm, safe and protected.

Breathe slowly and deeply, letting your thoughts pass through your mind. Don't hold onto them just acknowledge them and let them go, they're just passing through.
...

If none of these work for you, try a meditation- maybe something like headspace or there are plenty on podcasts or YouTube. If you like music, put something quietly on - classical maybe. Or nature sounds. Lots of options!

I would also look at introducing a calming routine before bed. This might include a way to deal with anything on your mind - making a list of how to tackle what you need to do/address for the next day or week. If that won't help focus on dimming lights, turning down noise and screens, taking a relaxing bath.