Life just keeps getting worse all the time please help

[JacketHots]

My life has felt like one huge struggle in the last three years. I’m now 36, single, had three awful breakups in my past (two long term and one terrible shorter term one), I’ve had a very early miscarriage that I didn’t know was happening until it happened but I still feel it may put a future man off (I don’t know why I feel this, I just do). My brother and his wife married and had a child in this time which just highlighted my grief really, of being alone. I am happy for them but I have grown more distant because I can’t cope with the happy family in my face. I nearly took my life last summer I was so low.

I am distant from friends as they are all settling down. I do have good friends but I have to manage my exposure to things as I struggle to cope with feeling alone. I have lots of therapy. It helps a tiny bit.

I’m now having a shit time at work. I earn good money but the industry is quite toxic and up until recently I had a good run with it but my luck there seems to be running out now I’m in a new team and it’s just not a nice environment.

I feel sick. I’ve lost weight in a bad way. I can’t sleep most of the time. I’ve taken anti depressants. But it just seems to be one thing after another.

I hate my life so much and I’m too much of a wimp to kill myself but I often wish a car would just hit me and that would be it. I feel I’ve made loads of mistakes with men and actually I had a really good life before I messed it up with the wrong people in it. This summer I broke up with the latest man, someone I trusted with my whole heart. I felt like I was getting better. He ended things almost out of the blue. Certainly didn’t want anything too serious with me. And I just can’t do it anymore. I can’t do anything anymore. Im so sad. Im scared about the future. I don’t trust anyone anymore and I wish this could all end.

Sorry you're having a tough time of things op. But I'm going to be blunt- Why is your go-to idea daydreaming about getting hit by a car instead of changing your life? Why not quit the job, take a long vacation and then move somewhere new? It sounds like you might be dealing with depression op, so a trip to your gp should probably be your first move. If you don't like your life, change it.

@Pinkbonbon I’ve just had enough of everything. I can’t take anymore. I feel like being on this earth is torture.

OP. I'm so sorry to read how you feel. No one deserves this. GP is first port of call. Then you need to invest in yourself and find yourself a good counsellor/therapist. Believe me. You do not have to feel the way that you do. You deserve everything. A full life, a life full of YOU. Once you love you, you will find that anything else is a bonus. I really hope I don't sound preachy, your post just really touched a nerve with me. I've been there. It's shit. It's worse than shit. I really, really hope that you feel brave enough to take these first few steps. I promise they're the hardest. Keep on keeping on OP. It will all be worth it.

Go to the GP. You have the ability to be happy within you, someone just needs to help you find it.

@ewwwwwwdaviddddd I’m so lonely I don’t have anyone really. I feel so alone

@JacketHots I understand. I really do. Please please ask for help. You can access what you need. It may initially be a short term solution but in the long term it will benefit you always. Everything seems pointless right now but I promise you that this can and will change.

It’s been like this for years. I just want life to be over. I’m so sad. I have nobody to turn to. I’m scared to even sleep because I will wake up to nightmares.

You sound text book depressed, I'm not a fan of antibiotics depressants but some do work for some people.

Also perhaps you could be referred for some counselling.

In he meantime getting out in the air and whatever sunlight there is is very important. Is there a walking group, or hiking group in your region? Is there any activity of hobby you might try?

It's of utmost importance to get out of the house and do things, keep yourself busy, try things, interact with people etc.

Is there any cause close to your heart you'd like to volunteer in?
Dk you like animals, could you help at your local.shelter or walk for them (that gers you out in the aig and light too).

Your appetite will come back, its classictk lose it and lose weight when you depressed, sane with v poor sleeping.

Try to just keep snacking , and eat calorific things like bananas, peanut butter, energy bars etc.

If you can spend time with family or friends, do it - you need company.. don't be too proud to take support or worry about imposing in anyone; decent people will want to support you.

Re your miscarriage- no one needs to know about that unless you.choose to share it (when you've built up a lot of trust etc with them), I noones business but yours.

It would never put a normal, well adjusted man off anyway but its your business to tell or not tell. Plenty of women never tell even serious partners about all sorts of things; you are entitled to your private space and past.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly

I have no idea how antibiotics snuck in there.

Do you have anyone in real life to open up to?

I’m reading this now and I feel exactly the same in life. I’m 38 and my whole life just feels like a huge mistake and disaster. I have no one, everyone has abandoned me and I have very negative feelings about anyone or anything. I’m also at a point where I just don’t know what to do next or where to turn and I just feel like the rest of my life will be slowly passing by until I die. I’ve had the worst few years at work, changing from job to job, making very little connections with others and finding I’m going nowhere professionally. Not had a holiday in years as can’t afford it and no one to go with. My children are teenagers and not very pleasant to be around. Covid restrictions and isolation has made me lose any joy in life.

In the kindest possible way
this is a zombie thread. We have no idea where the op is now, it’s been over a year since they posted this. it would have been kinder to the op if you had started your own thread.

that said, I am sorry you feel so low. Have you made steps to reach out to anyone like your gp to start?

I collapsed in a heap in our doctors reception which initially started some help being offered it was either do that or drive my car in to a ditch

Fair point. I didn’t mean to upset anyone just felt I would let the OP know that in her bravery of talking about her issues she also gave me the confidence to post and open up. Are you admin on here at all? It might be worth giving the OP the chance to close the thread?

Nothing better to do on a Sunday eve than be a dick?

such a lovely phrase

if you think voicing my distaste on an anonymous forum is a dick move I’ll have to disagree with you as well.