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Original poster

Please help I can't go on

39 replies

strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:24

Is is normal to just sometimes look at your baby and think "life was so much easier before you" and that you made a big mistake? Please don't judge me I'm really really struggling and want to make it all stop.

OP posts:
bakingdemon · 27/10/2021 16:26

It is normal, and it is hard. Someone told me before my first arrived that everything, but everything is a phase with children, and that has proved to be right so far. I have found that they get more interesting as they become able to do more things and interact more meaningfully.

Are you getting out and about? Do you know/meet other mums with little ones? That may help.

Eri21 · 27/10/2021 16:28

It’s normal and so goddamn hard and sad.

Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:28

Thank you for replying. I feel awful having these thoughts but I just feel like I'm suffocating. I do go out some days with other mums but mostly I'm isolated and alone. I feel like my life is ruined and over.

OP posts:
Marcipex · 27/10/2021 16:29

I remember realising just what I had done and that there was no way back!
It wore off after a couple of days 😀

Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:30

I'm 6 months in, it's not worn off

OP posts:
Fetarabbit · 27/10/2021 16:30

How old is your baby?

BunNcheese · 27/10/2021 16:30

Have you got a partner OP? How is your baby?

It's easy to feel like this whilst your baby is below 1 years old and not sleeping right through the night.

Marcipex · 27/10/2021 16:30

You’re not awful, you’re just overwhelmed x

Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:31

@BunNcheese

Have you got a partner OP? How is your baby?

It's easy to feel like this whilst your baby is below 1 years old and not sleeping right through the night.

Partner works long hours and we aren't getting on at all, don't feel supported by him.

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Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:31

@Marcipex

You’re not awful, you’re just overwhelmed x
Thank you x
OP posts:
Marcipex · 27/10/2021 16:32

Covid has made it harder for you though. Also I had lovely mil help.
You really need some mum friends to chat to. What is there near you?

Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:32

Sometimes I look at my baby and love with all my heart and ache so much with love, then at other times I wish I could turn the clock back and make it all stop.

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rainbowninja · 27/10/2021 16:34

No one prepares you for what a huge change it is, what are your long term plans? Are you returning to work? You still need a life outside of being a mum.

CrispNeveN · 27/10/2021 16:34

My DD is 6m and it's hard at times. We have no family near by and it's just me and DH. I get so envious of people with family round the corner as a lot really don't realise how lucky they are. Do you have any support network at all? Could you consider going back to work a few days per week and put baby in a nursery so you get a bit of your life back?

Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:34

@rainbowninja

No one prepares you for what a huge change it is, what are your long term plans? Are you returning to work? You still need a life outside of being a mum.
I am returning to work next year yes. But I'm also dealing with a relationship breakdown with the baby's dad so it's all too much.
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MNHQ
KimMumsnet · 27/10/2021 16:35

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

heywassuphello · 27/10/2021 16:35

Yes it's normal. Yes, it stops. You can do things to make it stop quicker, like talking to your gp who actually have more to offer than you realise

strugglingtostaysane · 27/10/2021 16:35

I feel the same OP. I'm over a year in and I still have days where I wish I was child free. I only think one day at a time. Plus I take anti depressants to help take the edge off.

Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:38

I have no family either and only a couple friends. When partner leaves I'll have no one.

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LaMadrilena · 27/10/2021 16:38

5 months in here, and I'm the same. It's a physical effort to force the thought out of my head that everything was so much better before her. She's perfect and healthy and happy, and I had the easiest pregnancy/birth ever, so I've no trauma to blame the feelings on.

I talked to my therapist while I was pregnant (in treatment due to anxiety not related to pregnancy), and how I felt no emotional link to my baby. You hear so much about the rush of love when they're born, and we talked about how that's not necessarily true and how love grows gradually. But I was expecting to feel something by now.

I guess you just have to keep plodding on. There are plenty of people on here who feel or have felt the same, so we must be normal-ish... right?

cptartapp · 27/10/2021 16:43

I lasted three months with the first and four with the second and went back to work pt. It absolutely saved me. Now 18 and 16 and never a seconds regret.
Push for 50/50 with baby's dad. No reason you're more responsible for her than he is.

CrispNeveN · 27/10/2021 16:43

Oh OP that sounds so tough. Can you go back to live with your parents at all when he leaves? Please get help from your GP, antidepressants really do save lives. Personally I recommend the lowest dose of Prozac but that's just me. It won't stop what's going on but it will help you keep "everything together" whilst you go out through it.

CrispNeveN · 27/10/2021 16:45

Why is your partner leaving? Has he explained?

Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:48

@CrispNeveN

Why is your partner leaving? Has he explained?
He has had enough of me being depressed
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Original poster
strugglingmumhelp · 27/10/2021 16:49

@cptartapp

I lasted three months with the first and four with the second and went back to work pt. It absolutely saved me. Now 18 and 16 and never a seconds regret. Push for 50/50 with baby's dad. No reason you're more responsible for her than he is.
He won't do 50/50
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