I wish I hadn’t had children - they’ve ruined my mental health

[Orangepeanutblossom]

I know it’s horribly selfish, they didn’t ask to be here, but they’ve ruined my life. Not them specifically I guess, just generally having children.
They have taken everything from me, they take and take and take and are rude and unpleasant a lot of the time.
I have no time, no money, no energy. All I have is anxiety and the responsibility and burden of looking after two other people who make very little effort to do anything much for themselves.
I just want to go on holiday for a week on my own. No one asking me for something, no fighting, no moaning, no demanding, no expecting me to fix tiny issues.
I hate being a parent, I absolutely hate it.

OP you sound as if all the joy has gone from your life. Tbh you sound depressed but I am not a doctor and a random stranger so can not diagnose you.

When I felt like you sound, I went, eventually, to a doctor. What came of that really helped me which is why I'm writing it here. I would advocate that you do that.

But there would need to be more things that change in the way you live your life to change how you feel. There are small things you can do that have much larger positive affects.

Setting boundaries for

carving out patches of time for yourself
the help your OH puts in with the kids
some of the things the kid do
But it's small steps.

You sound like you have been all things to everyone and are frankly exhausted and empty.

I think you CAN make things better.

Good Luck OP

One was manageable, but having two is driving me insane too op. I don't understand why they still drop thing on the floor and be rude when I correct them so many time a day. They also cost me a fortune and all my stuff has holes and no money to even buy myself a new nightdress because they always need stuff. I do love them, but I agree I need some space. I also have an useless DH.

I'm with you. I wish I hadn't had children either. Now that they've hit their teens, I just want to leave. Not remotely interested in carrying the burden of thinking for the entire family any more. Both of the kids are now claiming they have anxiety and depression and ADHD and ASD and gender dysphoria and I'm just too old to understand and they can't help not being able to think/clean/wash/cook/do laundry/help in ANY FUCKING WAY AT ALL because of their poor mental health. They didn't ask to be born, don't want to be alive anyway because this middle class white western live of utter privilege and ease is JUST. TOO. HARD. FOR. THEM. Apparently they're justified in making my life hell because I need to atone for inflicting their painful existence on them. So could I please get out of the way and stop yelling because it's bad parenting and let them binge Netflix because homework is an infringement of their human rights. They can both fuck right off.

I am feeling that way with one adult DD. The other one is no trouble. It's an absolute crapshoot. I get plenty of time on my own. That's not the problem. It's just the constant responsibity of having to fix their problems and the neverending anxiety.

You need a break. Take a couple of nights at least. Your husband has admitted he should have done more so needs to step up now you are burnt out. If you want to you can help him plan for while you're away, meals and routine/days out- although he should be able to do this himself.
Unfortunately the kids will just have to lump it and if you make it a regular thing they'll get used to it.

@Severntrent

You need a break. Take a couple of nights at least. Your husband has admitted he should have done more so needs to step up now you are burnt out. If you want to you can help him plan for while you're away, meals and routine/days out- although he should be able to do this himself. Unfortunately the kids will just have to lump it and if you make it a regular thing they'll get used to it.

Agree completely with this. I have a DD with anxiety and depression, and I have had regular breaks when Dh steps up.

You’re burnt out snd need a break. The kids will have to deal — and frankly it will be no harm at all for them to see you prioritising yourself for once — and your husband doesn’t need to ‘ok’ it, it’s his job to look after his own children. Take that break as a priority, OP.

I'd be angry with your husband. Having a shit husband has completely sabotaged your experience of motherhood and basically ruined it. It's his fault you feel this way about being a mum and so he needs to support you to have a break.

How hard can meals be at this age? let them eat pasta and omelettes for a week if they have to. Or live on toast and fruit. Surely your husband can organise that much.