Health anxiety is draining me..

[Pottymouth83]

…particularly if it involves my children. The slightest symptom that’s not easily explained and I’m immediately fearing the worst. So far this year, I have worried myself into a stupor about my children having things like leg pains, headaches, a spot on the scalp, tummy pain - I usually post on here about whatever it is for reassurance and feel physically sick until we get to see a doctor.

I also panic about symptoms I experience myself.

And the thing is, as much as I look back at all the times I’ve panicked and it’s turned out to be nothing and therefore is likely to be nothing to worry about on this occasion too, a ridiculous part of my brain tells me that if I relax and don’t worry, this will be the time that it turns out to be something bad. As though the worrying helps - stupid I know.

Tonight’s trigger is my DS has complained of pain in the side of his lower leg the past couple of days. It hasn’t stopped him running around, playing sport etc but he says it’s sore to touch. So I’m feeling sick with worry again that it’s something serious and so the whole process starts again. He’s had bouts of growing pains before but I don’t think his leg or legs have ever been sore to touch.

So what I want to ask is - seeing as it’s quite hard to see a GP, where can I go for help with this? I just want to be able to react rationally whenever I or someone else in my family is ill. It really is all consuming sometimes.

And yes, I’m going to do what I always do and ask can anyone please reassure me about his leg? Is it weird that it’s sore to touch with no obvious injury/cause?

Sorry you are feeling like this - I am currently in the midst of a period of bad health anxiety, it comes and goes and it is absolutely awful. I dont yet have children and honestly I am worried how I will be if and when the time comes as the smallest thing can trigger it. Usually it's something minor and it spirals for months.

I just wanted to let you know you're not alone (my face is currently burning up red now and my back is numb) and I understand how bloody awful it is.

No medical advice but have you found anything in particular helps? I really try and distract myself, maintain a good excercise regime and I take lavender capsules which helps a little.

Speak to your GP and ask for advice re medication and counselling. You can also look up CBT techniques.

I know this is hard but one of the most useful things you can do is NOT seek reassurance all the time. I know it's scary because then you think 'but what if this time it really is serious' but you need to try and work through your feelings and make a flow chart of how you'll deal with things

Eg

If his leg is still sore in a week I will do X

If it gets considerably worse I will do Y

And otherwise you forcibly stop yourself from thinking about it constantly.

Thank you both. I’m not keen on medication to be honest - not to start with, at least but I would like CBT or counselling of some sort.

That’s exactly what I do @thaegumathteth - immediately look for reassurance, usually on here or Dr Google - the latter usually just makes me more paranoid. This morning DS woke up, seemed chirpy and happy. I asked if his leg still hurt hoping it had gone away but he said no, it still hurts so now I’llhave another day of worrying ☹️

You could call 111 for advice re your son.

As for health anxiety I know some of what you feel OP. I don't know what to do about it either. It's been exacerbated since losing my mum to cancer 4 years ago (I felt like I didn't 'save' her in time). It's shit.

Oh @orangejuicer I’m so sorry to hear that about your mum. Of course it’s not your fault - but I understand why you feel like that, that’s how my brain works too.

Thank you. In reality it was just the situation and circumstances but it stays with you afterwards. I've since had a child so my anxiety is through the roof some days

I hope you find a way to deal with your anxiety

I can empathise. I’ve suffered from health anxiety on and off since 2017 - it came after my little girl suffering from a brain haemorrhage and since then has been triggered by periods of extreme stress.

Most recently it has been triggered big time by my mum passing away - so @orangejuicer I totally understand. Prior to my mum passing away we had a few years of extreme stress related to her illness / circumstances and I just kept going, but after she died it was like “what now?”

You can get better from this but it takes hard work. I’ve fallen into the trap of getting better but not feeling on top of self care, and then slipping back into old habits. However, I’ve not had a full 5 years of extreme anxiety - I’ve had great periods but with blips thrown in.

I agree that the reassurance seeking needs to stop. It’s so hard and it will make your anxiety worse initially. But I promise it will help in the longer term.

@thaegumathteth makes a good point about putting in place boundaries - so, “if it’s not better in 2 weeks I will make a GP appointment” OR “I will not ask my son if his leg is still sore for 48 hours”

For me its “I won’t body scan for 7 days” or “I won’t check my XYZ for 7 days” - this takes the focus away from the thing I’m worried about. It often works well - but is hard initially.

I have a very very strict rule not to Google anything health related too. This is so important as Google is a form of reassurance seeking. But it’s also a place that gives you best and worse case scenarios. Our anxious brain pays more attention to the catastrophic examples. It doesn’t help you. If you can only manage to do one thing, I would say stop googling.

In relation to meds. I was the same as you and was reluctant to take them. In 2018 I was prescribed anti anxiety meds and never took them. CBT and lots of very strict self care helped me a lot at that time.

This time though I agreed to give them a go. I felt so much shame initially but now I recognise that I’ve been through a lot and kind of think there is no harm in trying. If they don’t help, I stop them. If they help then even better - and I will no doubt kick myself for not trying them sooner!! I’m on a very low dose of Escitalopram (5mg) at the moment - only on my 3rd week.

Sorry, some typos but hopefully makes enough sense!

Thank you so much and I’m so sorry to hear about your experiences, you’ve been some pretty awful stuff.

One of the problems is I feel like my judgement is totally off. Other mums seem to know when to worry and when not to. Like my son’s leg - I think most mums would just assume he’s overused it or pulled something from playing sport. But my brain goes “hmm, his leg is sore to touch but not visibly injured - that’s a bit weird - let’s Google - oh Google tells me it could be some sort of cancer…” But like I say, it’s like I can’t allow myself to be rational and tell myself it’s much more likely to be nothing as by doing that, I’m almost somehow ensuring it’ll end up being something serious. If you haven’t already guessed, I have OCD too and that is a big part of it.

You could try asking yourself what worrying achieves. Does it fix the problem? Nope. Does it educate you? Nope. Does it make your life better? Most definitely nope.

CBT could address your worrying and your OCD so do seriously consider it. Worry and fear are the most useless emotions yet they cause so much misery.

You’re absolutely right- worrying is useless - yet my brain seems to think that worrying has some kind of magical powers and the more of it I do, the more likely it will ward off the thing I’m worrying about.

That’s your anxious mind talking though OP. I do tell myself that no amount of worrying will change the outcome. It does help

Hi OP, I could have written your post. It is awful to live like this - the funny thing is I never had this sort of anxiety before having kids but now I worry about them all the time and my own symptoms in case I get taken away from them.

The GP probably is your best port of call - mine referred me on for counselling which is helping. I didn’t want to take tablets but I was offered sertraline which I have taken once before for general anxiety and found very helpful.

Good luck, OP, it’s a draining way to live and I do sympathise xx

I don't know if you saw my post on the other anxiety thread;

Rather than trying to avoid anxious or negative thoughts (which simply suppresses them, only for them to pop up another time) you could try addressing them instead.

As soon as you have a negative thought, stop thinking and write it down.

Then write down the following;

1. What was the trigger for the thought? Was a memory, a conversation, a physical event (i.e. I just tripped so I'm likely to break my hip one day)?

1. How do I feel both mentally and physically now I've had this thought? List your emotions and physical reactions. (As a separate exercise, google the sympathetic nervous system to understand how you body reacts to stress and - importantly - how it can't differentiate between stress caused by thoughts or mental images and stress caused by actual danger).

1. What exactly was it that upset me about the thought? Where would I normally end up when I have this thought (for example, with the broken hip above you could imagine yourself catching MRSA in hospital or being permanently disabled)

1. What are the objective facts that prove your thought is true? Try to step outside yourself to really critique the thought.

1. What are the objective facts that prove your thought is untrue? Thoughts are not facts, they are just random ideas.

1. What would you say to a friend who voiced your thought? Would you agree that a simple trip would be a fast track to pain and suffering or would you suggest that they buy some better slippers?

1. Now you've taken the power from the thought and dissected it, is it still valid? How do you feel now?

This is a longish process to begin with but if you do it every time you have a negative thought (when you can) you will find it becomes quicker and easier. Taking control of what you do with your thoughts will allow you to respond appropriately rather than to react.

Thank you all so much for your kind words.
And @Sarahlou63 thank you for your explanation and tips, I really appreciate that. That method of almost dismantling my thoughts and interrogating them makes sense.

@Pottymouth83 hi there! I know this is a really old thread and unlikely you’ll come back to it but found it whilst searching for help with health anxiety concerning my children. I’m finding it really tough and wondered if you did ever find something that helped you? I’m struggling with the worry each time one of them feels ill. it takes over and I don’t know how to handle it
xx

I’m exactly the same as you OP. Feel like the second I relax it’s all going to go horribly
wrong.

My main problem is that life just feels so lovely and happy at the moment that something has to go wrong. There’s too much pain and sadness in the world for me to just keep ‘getting away’ with escaping it and it’s going to catch up with me and my family.

@MrsBCooper I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling like this and @FestiveAF I can totally relate.

I’m afraid I’ve not cracked it. What I do try to do though is when my kids get any kind of pain or ache (which doesn’t obviously need medical attention) I try to remind myself of all the times they’ve had things like that in the past and they’ve gone away by themselves. Then I tell myself I’ll give it a few days and then if they’re still having the issue, I’ll see a GP but up to that point, I’ll force myself not to worry and do my utmost not to google.

I'm going through this right now. I'm constantly worrying about having Breast cancer.

@KPA22 I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have any reason to think that could be possible or is it just a big concern that’s weighing on you?
I feel like a flip from one worry to the next.
currently it’s all focused on the children. I feel like i hover over them, checking their temperature and panicking of they say they feel tired or have an ache. I see it’s crazy. And so unfair on them.
but I can’t seem to relax. I’m terrified they’ll be Ill and miss the Christmas they’re so excited about. It’s totally irrational. Then I decide that one of them will be seriously ill. Then the next minute I’m finding a sore skin patch and convincing myself I have skin cancer.
I’ve had had so much cbt and I’m still like this 😣I drive my husband mad and I can just see 20 years from now my poor children recalling how neurotic their mum was.

A lady I know who is my age has just been diagnosed and it's just sent me spiralling out of control. Checking my boobs 10/15 times a day to the point where they hurt. I have doctors tomorrow for them to check but I'm worrying that it's going to ruin my Christmas. I don't tend to worry about the kids so much I'm more worried about me not being her for them 😢.

It’s such a stressful way to live isn’t it. I’m very good at hiding it and my children certainly wouldn’t notice and nor would my husband. It’s all internalised panic all day, every day!

@FestiveAF it really is! Good that you can hide it. Or maybe not as you’re struggling all alone.
I feel like my kids are scared to tell me if they feel Ill 😔
what do you think we can do about it? I keep thinking of all the cbt techniques.. I realise my thinking is creating the problem. And everything could be so different if I reacted differently.
I genuinely think sometimes I’m not capable of parenting in stressful situations!

The few times I have had a problem with my children (ambulance visits and an overnighter on IV) I have been absolutely calm and fine. I assume because it was actually happening and for me it’s all about the anxiety that it might happen! I currently have a slight sore throat and I’ve already persuaded myself it’s Strep and I’m a goner. It’s so bloody stupid. I know it’s stupid. But also, it does happen to people so it’s not completely irrational because at some point they were probably sat at home telling themselves they were being stupid. And round and round I go.

Sitting here reading all your comforting messages! After a day of being beside myself with worry about my toddler! Isn’t HA just awful and so bloody exhausting!

I hope you all have a better week x