To feel so incredibly alone tonight

[UndertheCedartree]

I just feel so alone. And everything feels so overwhelming. I feel it would be better for everyone if I wasn't here. I have noone I can tell how I really feel. I can't take this pain anymore. Just everything is so painful.

OP, you might feel lonely right now but I bet you will get SO many people on this thread who totally get it so you’re not really alone, things are just very tough now. It’s painful now, I know that feeling very well. But that is NOT permanent, it just feels that way for the moment.

Meltdown was a communication issue. My boyfriend asked to come round today. He needed to get some money from me but I thought he was coming over so see me. I have a fear of abandonment that gets triggered really easily and also if I think something is happening and then it isn't I can get very upset.

Sorry to hear you feel this way OP. Try and have some structure/routine to your day, so that you know when the day is coming to an end and you can recharge. Remember, there is always another day. And one not so good day does not define the others.

If the kids are getting ontop, try and introduce a few easy independent plays that they can do where you can nip off for 15/20 mins in ear shot (depending on age). Like independent book time, sicker books, Lego etc. It will give you time to have a quick brew, whizz on your phone, call someone, light excercise, read a page of a magazine, step into garden (if you have one). These little breaks help me find some relief/balance.
Hope you feel better soon OP, best to find some small changes you can do and find what will make the biggest difference to you. Remember it will take time to find out what works but understand that taking the step to change it up will hopefully help you feel that you don’t have to stay stuck feeling helpless 💐

Suicide isn't the way forward here, and even though it sounds like that's what you are considering, I think you know that. You need to contact some emergency contact.

From what I've seen here in your postings, your kids deserve you, a nice person, rather than be without you.

@user1473878824 - yes, I hate this because it feels like I can never be happy again. I shouted at my DD this evening. It is very unlike me. I hate myself for it. My little darling has been so brave and strong with everything I've put her through. She doesn't deserve to be shouted at.

Just wanted to also say you're not alone tonight.

When I feel like this I look at this attached pic and it makes me remember how much my kids need me, no matter how imperfect I am. They love you for you!

The world is a better place with you in it, OP, even if your head is telling you its not.
Thanks for telling us. You're not alone even when you feel it xx

Sometimes I lose it and shout at my little girl. I always apologise and give her a cuddle. I feel bad about it every time but she's fine - she knows I love her and it's not her fault I got cross. I bet your DD feels much the same ❤️

Kids are very forgiving. We all lose it sometimes. What will make you feel better is giving her the biggest hug in the morning. She will love that too.

When these times come...we think they are the truth.

They aren't the truth. Its not true your kids your would be better without you. It's all...not true.

You're magical and unique. Your EUPD gives you gifts of empathy, imagination and depth that enrich others.

I'm here. For one. Others are here. It's just a rotten night. I know it hurts. But don't let the dusk convince you that the feeling right now will last forever...I think deep down you know it won't xxx

Your children love you and need you op. You are their Mum, their comfort. You are irreplaceable.
We all shout at our children sometimes. Doesn't stop our children loving us. They need you.
Can you go and give your daughter a cuddle, even if she's asleep you can climb under the duvet with her.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We're going to move this one over to Mental Health now.

Thank you for all the kind words. I just can't stop crying. As soon as I can I will hug my DC.

This might sound strange but sometimes I can't stop crying for myself as a little kid. I was hurt so much and I don't know if I can ever heal from it.

Hi op. Just remember the feeling will pass. It will pass. It will stop.

You are in ‘the tunnel’ right now. It was pass.

Don’t feel bad for shouting at DD. I shout too. And feel awful after. So I do understand. But we are all human right?

And a cry is a good way to release the bad emotion - don’t feel guilty about that.

You are your children’s world. Don’t forget that. You are also stronger than you think.

Give yourself a break. Sending hugs x

I think it's good you have so much compassion for the child you. I'm sorry you were hurt. Give that little girl in your mind a big hug.

I'm so tired but too agitated to sleep. Thank you for everyone taking the time to comment it really does help.

Can feel your pain coming through your words and tears. With hardship comes ease x tomorrow is a new day and no day will be the same. I hope tomorrow/ weekend is good for you. Hugging your daughter will bring you comfort I'm sure of it. Hang in there you're doing just great xxx

Hey OP, how are you feeling?

Morning @UndertheCedartree

Hope you got some sleep. How are you feeling today? Bet those cuddles with your DC's were the best.

Give your care team a call this morning. If your primary contact isn't available don't just leave it. Their job is to support you.

Take care

Morning everyone. I feel a bit better this morning but quite numb and detached. @MydogWillow - I'll give them a call after I've taken my DD to school.

Thank you for each and everyone of you for caring.

Hi @UndertheCedartree

Hope your weekend is going well. Did you have any luck with your care team?