What is acceptable with someone who has Bi Polar

[Redruby2020]

Hi all, as there is another thread on a condition and what is/isn't acceptable just because someone has a condition. It brought me to ask especially if there are those of you who are more aware of this mental health illness. How much of a person's behaviour and actions can be excused and accepted because of them being Bi Polar?!!
I ask this because I know someone whose partner has the illness, and any of their behaviour and things they have said and done, has been excused because of them being Bi Polar.
In my opinion a lot of it is excuses, and worsened by the fact this person also has substance issues, which although I have read that some are tempted by drugs because they can make them feel normal to an extent, because of the chemical change in the brain, of course the short to long term effects are not pretty, as I have been aware of, from this person.

Any knowledge of Bi polar and any info or opinions on what I have said, would be gladly accepted.

Bipolat absolutely can lead to "highs" where people behave completely out of character and are thdn mortified later. Common experiences are extreme spending, sexual inhibition and other tisky behaviour.

The extent to which this is a "choice" is an interesting one. I'm aware of a couple of people severely affected by bipolar and when off meds have done things they'd never do "in real life" and deeply regret later. It must be ever so frightening to come down from a high and have say given away a lot of money/spent crazy amounts/ slept with people you'd never normally slept with etc. One person I know "declutters" but this means literally binning most of their posessions. While in a manic phase this seemed quite logical to them but when stable still years later regret a lot of special items they had binned.

I think it must be very hard to understand just how compelling all this is when manic. In the same way you can't tell someone sevsrely depressed to just cheer up or "blame" them for not managing to socialise/act as normal.

Some people with bipolar also experience psychotic episodes as well.

It isnt uncommon for some with bipolar to fell "completely well" when on meds, and then decide not to take them as after all they're welll.... leading to a reoccurance of symptoms!!

There is lots that can be done to support someone who is bipolar, and work around recognising triggers and seeking support etc. But I very much think its not a clearcut situation that they ar entirely responsible when unwell.

The decision to stop taking meds when feeling well is the point where personal responsibility comes in imo.

I kind if agree but for some people they need the education and the awareness for that. Until they realise that that is part of the cycld with bipolar it can seem as odd as taking any medication you dont need.

I think it is great when people diagnosed can access education avout their condition. One person I know locally did a course recognising triggers/became aware of common issues with bipolar (and that the things she did when v manic were not unusual and not her fault) but also aware of things she could do to stay well, and what she could do to recognise and prevent a high. And yes also importance of taking meds.

Another friend hasn't been offered this so I don't think its universal. Things that seem obvious to us or to "well" people really dont when your mind is manic.

Is it the case that doctors don't talk to their bi-polar patients about what to expect when on medication, emphasising the importance of taking it every day for as long as they live?

Everyone I know with bipolar is well aware of the above.

BipolarUk is a good source of information.

Here is a link to a good information sheet for friends and family of those with the condition.
www.bipolaruk.org/bipolar-information-for-family-and-friends

It can be incredibly hard for friends and family to support someone with bipolar. The person they know when that person is well can be very different to the person who is unwell. And it can be a hard condition to understans without experiencing.

If you look through the information section there is also a good faq.

Some statistics -

67% of people with bipolar received no self-management advice when they were first diagnosed.

Bipolar increases an individual’s risk of suicide by up to 20 times.

The World Health Organisation identifies bipolar as one of the top causes of lost years of life and health in 15 to 44 year olds.

It really can be a severe mental illness with such a huge impact on someones life. If people are interested in finding out more the bipolarUk website is brilliant.

I think there are few different types of bipolar now, type 1 being the most severe but the one I am most familiar with. I'm not sure if the person I know has more issues than just bipolar, I am sure she is also (neurodiverse?) But I think it is too late for anymore diagnosis, she copes with bipolar and manages her medication meticulously. That being said, being a close family member/carer can be most frustrating. Despite being fully medicated she can be moody, argumentative, will take everything anyone says the wrong way and will take issue with what people say if it is not in complete agreement with her. She will say hurtful, manipulative things in arguments, will give presents/money and then use them as leverage in an argument. It is difficult to have a conversation with her as she cannot relate to other people and does not understand how conversations actually work, will just talk about herself/health problems/will not really listen to what you say. It is difficult to pinpoint what issue this is to do with (bipolar/undiagnosed issue/personality). I have met one other person with bipolar who had the exact same traits. At times it's hard to remember that some of the way she is is because of her illness. But I am fiercely protective of her, I would fight people for her. I would never leave her, but I would never start a romantic relationship with someone with these issues, it can be absolutely soul-destroying at times and the hurtful things they say can be hard to forgive/forget. People outside the situation just don't get it, same with all illnesses/disabilities.

How are you supposed to know what is real, what is bi polar and what is cocaine use?!! As I know this person takes it, and not just dabbling, I have even read that regular use of such drugs can actually bring on something like bi polar.

If the person isn't compliant with prescription meds and doesn't have a regular check in with a psychiatrist, then I would guess that it isn't the bi-polar that is the problem. The comments you have made sound more like addict behaviour.

I grew up with a parent with bipolar. I don't spend a lot of time pondering over whether his behaviour was 'him' or was bipolar. It doesn't really matter to me, what does matter was my experience of living with someone who was selfish, grandiose, two faced, depressed and lied like water off a ducks back. All I know is the impact his behaviour had on me and how as a child I was completely swept up in the situation whereas as an adult I have a choice about how I respond to him now.

Its really common for people with bipolar to be addicts too. Many self medicate with alcohol or drugs to deal witb the crazy in their head.

However we all can have boundaries of what we then put up with as friends and familu.

I'm not diagnosed as bipolar, but I have had experiences of mania, especially on a particular medication. I got to the point where I went to the doctor and told him something was wrong, I was too "high", not sleeping and I felt like I wasn't in control. It turned out that a medication I was on is known to cause mania in some people.

But the difficulty with it is that while I was in that state, I felt pretty good. I was efficient and focused at home and work, dropped weight, wasn't hungry, and I felt alive and attractive. The decisions I made seemed sensible at the time. The only thing that clued me in was that suddenly I had an incredible sex drive and felt like I wanted to sleep with everyone.

The result is that now I guess I am constantly seeking reassurance about whether things I do are rational or not. Sometimes I don't act quickly enough in negative situations because I worry that I might be overreacting. I try to be careful about how much work I take on, especially during certain times of the year. And if I start struggling to sleep at night without napping in the day, it's a huge red flag that I need to get outside help.