Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

SAD/ feeling low in winter support thread

886 replies

LadyCatStark · 15/09/2021 10:16

Hi all, after reading some unhelpful comments on another thread where someone is struggling, I wondered if anyone would like to join me in a SAD support thread for anyone who is feeling low now that winter is coming, whether you have a SAD diagnosis or not.

Disclaimer: I know anyone can post anything they like on a public forum but please, out of respect for those of us who are really struggling, don’t come on this thread to tell us how much you love winter, hygge, snuggling, hot chocolate or twinkly lights or tell us that we’ll feel better if only we change our mindset.

Please feel free to share your feelings, good or bad, tell us about your day or share tips for things that help (or don’t). Hopefully we can all help each other get through this winter!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
ShaneTheThird · 11/12/2021 11:38

How much longer until your ten days are up? Eugh sorry DH is a pain does he have it too or has he missed out?

LadyCatStark · 11/12/2021 13:54

I’m free on Tuesday 😃 not too long to go but it’s a shame that it’s 2 weekends I’ve had to miss 😢.

No DH and DS are still negative but DH just can’t cope with me being ill 🙄. He always tries to minimise it so that he doesn’t have to step up. Because I haven’t been too ill, I still feel like I have to clean up, cool and have been WFH but have needed more rests or I end up with a coughing fit. Last night I lost my shit with him because he’s already moaned about the kitchen getting “scruffy” when all that needed doing was the dishwasher and I’d been dealing with a load of shit for work, then when I was cooking a stupidly complicated Gousto recipe for tea, he started banging on about the state of the utility room. 1) surely the whole point of a utility room is you can shut the door on the washing and stuff and 2) when I went in after him all that there was was a bit of washing that hadn’t fitted into the washing machine on the floor in front of it, the carpet cleaner that he left in the middle of the kitchen floor so I popped it in there until he put it in the garage and the bin (that we keep in there so the dog doesn’t get into it) needed emptying. That’s it. He doesn’t seem to comprehend (probably because he didn’t do it) that dirty/ messy things can just be cleaned up, he always claims that the house is getting “ruined” by all of our (is me, DS and the dog, never him of course) mess.

OP posts:
LadyCatStark · 11/12/2021 13:55

Oops sorry that was a long rant 🙈.

OP posts:
ShaneTheThird · 11/12/2021 14:33

What a dick throw him in the bin. No consolation but my dp is exactly the same when I'm Ill he can't cope and just rants about how selfish and lazy I am and expects me to carry on doing all the chores. But when he is sick it's a whole other story! Where do we find them?!

But yay for freedom on Tuesday. If you feel up to it and have free time you deserve to get out of the house and bloody do something nice just for you.

LadyCatStark · 11/12/2021 16:40

Yup, I remember thinking in March 2020 that I bet I get it first and am expected to carry on as normal, then he’ll get it and will take to his bed for 3 days. The first part has come true so we’ll see about the second. I get that his tooth is hurting but I’m ill too and I haven’t been grumpy with him. Or dog accidentally whacked me on my nose earlier and it felt like he broke it but he couldn’t even be bothered to ask if I was ok.

OP posts:
ShaneTheThird · 11/12/2021 16:49

Ouch that sounds so painful! How is your nose now? That's so out of order he hasn't asked if you are ok :(

LadyCatStark · 11/12/2021 17:05

It really bloody hurt! At least the dog checked if I was ok 😂. I think for some reason he thinks that if I’m ill or in pain, it takes away from his pain 🙄.

OP posts:
stilldumdedumming · 12/12/2021 09:45

Bloody hell @LadyCatStark that's really rubbish. Can you imagine not asking him if he's ok? But if you did that you'd turn into an equally shit person and you'd be doubly unhappy.

I have started exercising again which is a massive win. Just boxing workouts. I'm feeling pretty down on myself and had my last Sanskrit lesson yesterday until March 2022.

I feel so lonely. Even if dp and I were getting on, life is so different now and so limited. I had a meeting with our amazing stroke team (if you have a stroke make sure you're in Northants - it's an incredible service). They recognised that there's no wellbeing service for the carers.

Still I'm looking forward to the solstice and some time off work. Although I'm dreading Christmas Day.

LadyCatStark · 12/12/2021 13:24

I know. He’s being a knob. Last night he was moaning about dog hairs on the kitchen floor. Our dog literally moults as I’m hoovering up 🙈. I said, “Well they wouldn’t be there if you’d bought the robot vacuum cleaner I asked for.” To which he replied, “I just don’t understand the difference between a robot one and the normal one.” FFS of course he doesn’t because he never bloody does it.

I also managed a bit of exercise yesterday, it was probably a bit too soon but I need to exercise for my mental health.

Are there any clubs or something you can go to to meet people? It is shocking how little support there is for carers and families of people who have disabilities.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 12/12/2021 13:35

Somebody recommended Vitamin D. I got a strong dose one. It seems to be helping.

stilldumdedumming · 12/12/2021 15:52

I actually did an open mouthed guffaw of outrage on your behalf @LadyCatStark

If I'm honest I'm not sure what help or support I want. Although presumably I would once I got going. They are setting something up. It's so odd that Covid has made it easier in some wats as we meet virtually but harder in other ways to plan an actual meet up.

stilldumdedumming · 12/12/2021 15:53

@Viviennemary thank you for the reminder! It does help I find. What dosage are you taking? Are we rubbish as a nation at taking supplements?

Viviennemary · 12/12/2021 16:59

It says 1000 iu. One a day. Find Christmas really stressful. And one vitamin C. 1000 too.

VeryNiceWoman · 13/12/2021 09:07

I joined this thread nearly 4 weeks ago - Thank you for welcome ShanetheThird - but for various reasons haven't posted - I have been keeping up reading the thread though. Thanks so much for tips and I'm sorry so many of you have been having a rough time on top of everything.

What's been helping me? I got my SAD box down from the loft when I found this thread - I wasn't able to use it right away due to eye inflammation) but once I could, it made a difference in just over a week. I'd been feeling very weepy prior to using it and the feeling went away. I can't say I'm completely full of the joys of Spring but at least I'm not crying every morning.

I have a weighted blanket which is helping - I bought it a couple of years ago after realising that having 2 duvets on my bed made me sleep more soundly. Double-duvet experience was clearly not going to work in spring & summer so I bought the weighted blanket. I am thinking though that I might treat myself to a second duvet for the Winter.

I bought a very lovely padded hooded jacket from TK Maxx (bargain) - it's a lovely green colour and lifts my spirits when I wear it and its very warm. Got a heated throw which is marvellous and Fairy lights are helping too. I'm also not giving myself a hard time if I need an early night.

Today I will order my Yak Trax and get some high dose vitamin D (& possibly the 2nd duvet) .....

Best Wishes to all...

stilldumdedumming · 13/12/2021 10:43

I'm not sure if this will appeal, but I am quite a hippy tree hugger. I have a tree in the garden that attracts lots of birds - I also have feeder for them. Anytime of the day they are feeding.

Anyway this is long but I've copied it from Brigit Ana Macneils face book. I actually went on retreat with her in the woods in 2019 - it was amazing. And this is the type of thing I need to do - to be with this season if at all possible. Even in a very mini way.

"Each winter, I have made it a little ritual, or tradition, to head outside and bring gratitude to my more than human community.

I mainly focus on the Deer as it seems so fitting for this time, but also because of the beautiful ancient story of Mother Reindeer that I have grown to love.

The mother reindeer, who keeps her antlers in the winter rather than shed them, was said to have the strength and love to be the protector & guardian of the sun, holding the light in her antlers and pulling the sleigh with the sun goddess in across the sky. The mama reindeer was not only a symbol for protection, but also of fertility, when she came into the land you knew it would be fertile and seeds would grow.

So each year, especially on the winter solstice, we make lovely deer cookies, or balls as they are better known.
Made from seeds, nuts & nut butter. All mixed together with melted coconut oil, then cooled and shaped.

This is an ancient tradition that I’ve adapted a from recipe from, really you can use what you like as long as it’s friendly to those animal bodies.

We went through woods that deer often roam through, and left them on stumps, in nooks, crannies and on branches.

Hoping that not only the deer, but other creatures such as squirrels, birds, badgers & mice may benefit too.

This has become a tradition that brings me closer to the season and my wider, more than human community.

It feels good to honour life in this way, to give thanks for all the beauty & medicine the other creatures bring.

This is a tradition that I hope to keep doing all my life, each winter and especially on the solstice, giving thanks to mama deer, and, for this amazing earth, her creatures and beings.

Bringing that gratitude into my home, hearth and heart, and placing it and speaking it into the forests.

What I love about doing this when it’s solstice, is that when done at dusk, I feel like Santa, knowing in the morning, after our longest night, these gifts will be scattered in the forest."

In response people have said they put extra treats out for at this time of year. I think I will do this. I have become quite isolated really despite having a really wide circle of people up until quite recently. Maybe connecting to the immediate wildlife (the birds squirrels and let's face it, rats in my garden), will help.

ShaneTheThird · 13/12/2021 20:08

That sounds really beautiful! I love earthy free spirit tree hugger things like that it's wholesome and genuinely wonderful. Not the same as it's just an app but I use an app every day called treeapp and it lets you plant one free tree a day in various countries in the world. I get a really nice buzz knowing it's such a simple thing for the planet.

Today was madness at work. I had to leave home before 7am and was cold and pitch black I finished ds's Christmas shop on my lunch break though and hope to finish DPS tomorrow. Plus we were massively short staffed and ended up being just two of us in a busy as fuck shop all day. Torture.

LadyCatStark · 13/12/2021 20:23

Awww @stilldumdedumming that’s a lovely idea. I’d love a bird feeder for the little birds but being both rural and coastal, we have both crows and seagulls and I wouldn’t want to encourage either!

Sounds like a tough day @ShaneTheThird!

@VeryNiceWoman welcome! I’d recommend a decent multivitamin alongside the vitamin D 😊.

OP posts:
LadyCatStark · 13/12/2021 20:23

Oh and tomorrow is freeeeeeeedom day!

OP posts:
ShaneTheThird · 13/12/2021 20:24

Yay freedom! Got any plans for when you can breathe that sweet sweet air? Grin

LadyCatStark · 13/12/2021 20:34

Technically I’m working but WFH as none of my families want to risk me visiting so close to Christmas but I’ve got a few reports to write up. I’m definitely going to take the dog for a long walk and go and get something nice for lunch!

OP posts:
Ulysses · 14/12/2021 07:49

Happy freedom day @LadyCatStark! I hope today's an easier one @ShaneTheThird.

That's a beautiful ritual @stilldumdedumming. I occasionally see a deer in the woods where I go for my afternoon walks. It's such a delight when you realise that the big dog ahead is in fact a deer. I really need to fill my bird feeders, a job for today.

Only 8 nights to go before Solstice as well.

LadyCatStark · 14/12/2021 12:04

@Ulysses thanks, it’s so good to see the outdoors 🥰.

SAD/ feeling low in winter support thread
OP posts:
stilldumdedumming · 15/12/2021 08:37

@LadyCatStark I bet that was a sight for sore eyes! Did you take delicious lung full's?

I went to see West Side Story new film with my dad last night. It is our family favourite and I cried! And had a coughing fit! I also got the news yesterday that I am not on capability at work and have to now prove myself again for 3 months. Phew!

I am still struggling to get outside. I have to work so much and look after everyone- it's hard.

stilldumdedumming · 15/12/2021 11:07

And I have just discovered that I have over a week if annual leave that I haven't taken. No wonder I am tired.

Ulysses · 18/12/2021 06:28

How is everyone? I haven't had a great week mentally caused by DH's health stresses and poor sleep. I don't think ive been out much either @stilldumdedumming and I haven't been taking my vitamins or using my SAD lamp and I do need to get back into those routines.

I could really do with some time to myself when I don't have responsibilities for other people or getting stuff done. I still don't have a Christmas tree or a single present wrapped.

It's the start of a new day though so I am going to try and be a bit more positive and build up the routines again.