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Mental health

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Original poster

I miss my friend

47 replies

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 17:19

There was a igrl who was my best friend for years - all through school. She was the best looking girl, the most popular girl. She had everything and although I loved her to bits, I always wished I was her. She married the best looking and most popular boy in the year above us at school and had their first baby. We drifted apart at the time and apart from a few chance meetings didnt keep in touch as much as we should. In 2001 she had another baby, and sent me a card to say they were all doing fine and had moved and to give her a call. I didnt get around to it, although at the time I was expecting my first and her mum worked at my doc's so I always told her to say Hi. What I didn't realise was that she broke her pelvos whilst giving birth to her 2nd, and was in a wheelchair and on crutches for months, and had to have plates and pins inserted and several operations. In August 2001 she went to her parents house while they were away and took an overdose. My mum told me she had been on a brand of anti-depressants which were causing a lot of fuss amongst GP's because they can make you suicidal. I have never seen so many people at a funeral. She was the popular one, the one who had it all. I held it together until i got to the doors of the church and saw the flowers saying 'MUMMY' It haunts me to this day.
I find I can't talk to anyone face to face about this because it kills me everytime - but I just had to get it out there.

OP posts:

nikcola · 09/11/2004 17:23

so sorry to hear your bad news zephyrcat sorry i cant give u any advice im not much god at things like that

Mum2girls · 09/11/2004 17:23

I don't know what to say except that's such a sad story and I can see why you'd be so upset.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}}

blueteddy · 09/11/2004 17:30

How awfull.
Don't know what else to say.

JuniperDewdrop · 09/11/2004 17:31

It's good that you've got your feelings out zephyrcat even though it must be so painful. Did you ever contact her dh?
I lost a friend to meningitis when she was 16. I still feel like crying sometimes when I think of her smile, she was an angel. I grew up with her and we grew apart but still bumped into each other and like your friend she was very popular. I just feel blessed to have known her and to have shared some special moments.
I'm so sorry your friend died so tragically this must make it all the more worse. Many (((hugs)))

Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 17:39

thasnks guys - I know its one of those things that there isnt really a reply to! It goes around my mind constantly even tho its 2 years on. i guess I just dont understand it more than anything. And a lot of it is anger that nothing has been done about these bloody AD's that I believe were a lot to do with her state of mind at the time. I feel better having written it down though. Sorry to hear about your friend too JuniperDewdrop - I dont know anyone else who has bveen through the same kind of thing so it's nice to know there's someone else who knows what I'm feeling (although obviously through tragic circumstances which is not good iykwim!)

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JuniperDewdrop · 09/11/2004 17:43

So even now people can get them? That's outrageous Are they banned in other countries do you know?

pipkin · 09/11/2004 17:44

Would you consider bereavment counselling zephyrcat?
That is a truly terrible and shocking series of events, it's really really tragic....her poor family, friends - everyone who knew her...

Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 17:45

aspparently you can get them all over. A friend of mine in Australia was prescribed anti-depressants and I persuaded her not to take them and helped her to work through her problems without them. I asked her what she was given and looked up the name on the net - same tablets, different name. It's ridiculous.

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JuniperDewdrop · 09/11/2004 17:46

Thank goodness you knew to warn your mate. What about all those people who don't though? I wonder if any big study has been done?

Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 17:49

There was a whole program about it - not long after she died i think - and it was a aproper documentary like panorama or something. But as far as I know they are still around - my mum is a medical secretary so tells me about all the dodgy stuff!!) Should I be posting the name of them as a warning?

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JuniperDewdrop · 09/11/2004 17:51

Don't see how there's any harm in it? It'd be interesting to hear if any mners are on them and how they feel?

Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 17:53

They are called Seroxat. They are (as far as I know) widely prescribed. The problem with them is the fact that they make you have irrational thoughts and can make you have very strong suicidal tendancies - not everyone but one person is more than enough. If anybody would like more info on them I can talk to my mum and post it back here.

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 09/11/2004 17:55

So sorry about your friend Zephyrcat - what a terrible thing for her family and friends. Suicide is so very very hard for those that are left behind to deal with.

I still cannot look at a photo of my Mum without weeping. I've tried so many times to put a photo out of her, but 4 years on its still too raw and painful. I can really identify with what happened at your friend's funeral. At my Mum's, the flowers saying "Nana" (from my sister's children)tore me apart. I was pregnant with ds1 and knew she would never see him.

I wish I could say something comforting, but words are always completely inadequate. (((hugs)) to you.

Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 18:00

Tanks Puff - its comforting just to know that you guys are all around to talk to

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Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 18:00

lol Tanks?? i mean thanks

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JuniperDewdrop · 09/11/2004 18:05

Puff that's so sad. I knew you're mum had commited suicide too. For it still to be so raw after 4 years though is tragic. Did you have any grief counselling? My sister died last year and my mum is managing to cope now but still weeps. But then again behind closed doors could be a different story? I talked about putting up a photo of sis and she went quiet so I didn't push it. She didn't put my Nan's or dad's up so I don't think she could cope.

Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 18:09

I'm the same with photo's. I have so many of us together at school and I have a couple of photo's of her 2 beautiful children but I cant even look at those without seeing her smiling back at me through them. I have to admit I'm not good at dealing with death anyway - I still have never been to the crem where my grandads headstone is - he died 7 years ago but I can't bear to see his name in the stone. I'm sorry to you all for dragging up such a downhearted conversation

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fairyfly · 09/11/2004 18:12

I miss my friend too zeph, i just look at life in an entirely different way now and her passing away has given me one of the greatest gifts i have ever recieved in my life. It has taken time to see a positive outcome from her death and i was at a loss for a very long time, i grieved heavily and never thought i would feel any emotion again. It was an incredibly difficult time and i hope you have support to get through it and good people in your life to nurture your heart back to a safer less painful place.
I now don't cry when i think of her, i get guided by her, we all will die one day and it was just her time. She has taught me to be strong, to know that my time will come one day within the blink of an eye and while i have been given the precious gift of more time on this earth i will use it to my full adavantage and not let her down. She would freak if im honest if she thought i was spending each day stuck in the past wanting her back. I do things in her honour, i do things that hopefully don't let her down and i celebrate the life i have been lucky enough to stay in. It does get better and you do get to a point where things don't hurt as much. I still get sad sometimes when things go wrong, i always think there is someone i haven't rang then it dawns on me. But i know deep in my heart now that she is very happy and at peace and i never wanted much more for her than that. Take care and i hope you get through it x

PuffTheMagicDragon · 09/11/2004 18:14

I've had quite a lot of counselling juniper, which has helped enormously, but still can't do photos. Some time in the future I might be able to. I hope so.

JuniperDewdrop · 09/11/2004 18:15

You haven't dragged us down at all zephrycat. We've all lost close people and it's good to talk about them and our feelings. Only those who've experienced it truly understand.

JuniperDewdrop · 09/11/2004 18:15

Glad to hear it helped you though puff

Original poster

zephyrcat · 09/11/2004 18:15

Thank you fairyfly. If nothing else I know that everytime I think of her I love my children just that little bit more (if thats possible!) It might sound ridiculous but I see her quite often in dreams and like to think thats she's still around somewhere. I also like to believe that even though her little ones don't have their mummy physically they have the best guardian angel they could ever hope for

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 09/11/2004 18:17

zephyrcat, I for one REALLY appreciate you bringing this subject up. Don't feel bad about doing it. It's a relief to talk about it and as you said, talking face to face to people can be really really hard.

PuffTheMagicDragon · 09/11/2004 18:18

Lovely post fairyfly .

beetroot · 09/11/2004 18:18

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