I want to go part time for my mental health....

[missbunnyrabbit]

I've been considering this for about 9 months now. This post is quite hard to write, but I wonder what others would do.

I'm a primary teacher. I've always struggled with depression and anxiety. I'm going into my third year, although I have worked with kids for 8 years now.

My depression is at its worst ever. I see little point in living, don't enjoy much at all, not even the little things I used to, like hot baths and nice food. At best, I feel meh. At worst, I feel this pressure, this black cloud of awful pointlessness, literally pressing against my skull and on my shoulders. I find it very hard to discuss this because I feel no words can convey how bad I often feel. It feels pathetic, weak, attention-seeking.

I take antidepressants. I've tried a few types but they all make me so tired.

I do enjoy my job, but what I am really struggling with is how relentless and exhausting it is. Every day I just collapse after it, often go to bed for a few hours. That's if I'm not booked onto an after school course! Then I have 1-2 hours of prep for the next day staring at me. I don't have the energy or time to do the little hobbies or projects I used to before I qualified. I have no time or energy to work on myself and my depression. And on this goes for 5 days, until I finally get to the weekend. If I'm lucky, I'll see my boyfriend, who I love, but it also means that I have no time for me. Then Sunday comes and I have a few hours of work to do.

I think I sound pathetic because I have no kids, I'm only 26, and I'm only two years in. I just feel like I'm trapped in this cycle of nothing but work.

I really feel that if I went down to 3 days a week, I would have the best shot of working on my mental health and discovering life again. At the moment, I just exist. School saps me with its demands and workload. My work life balance would be so much better, I could enjoy my job without it being quite so relentless, and also have time to find myself again.

The only thing is...I've only been at the school two years. Both of those were temporary contracts. Earlier this year I was offered a full time, permanent contract. I adore the school and most people I work with. I'd be heartbroken to leave. I think they will be so mad at me if I ask to go part time for September 2022. They have given me this job, this opportunity, and are relying on me. I don't want to let them down. They will think I've used them, and taking the piss. School hasn't had a permanent, solid staff team in years. I feel mortified about asking and ruining their plans.

But it's killing me. The thought of doing another full year after this makes me feel sick.

What would you do? Would you ask now for Sep 2022, or would you wait a few more years?

OP this sounds so hard.
I work in a school, as a part time teaching assistant, and have seen many teachers over the years. The job IS relentless, taking over every aspect of their lives. Once upon a time I thought about being a teacher, but seeing them in action has put me off. So much is expected with little gratitude.
We have two part time teachers and I can see that their work life balance is much better and they share the responsibility for the class.
You only get one life OP. Think of yourself, you have to ✨

Well you do need to put your mental health first. I do think you need a back up plan though in case you ask and the answer is no.

Do you actually enjoy teaching?

You're not pathetic at all. Teaching is incredibly pressured, especially in the first few years and even more so through the pandemic.

Speak to your GP about your antidepressants. What have you tried up to now? Ask for a referral to the mental health team if you feel you need more input. Not all ADs are sedating, or at least not past the first few weeks.

Is there a more experienced teacher that you trust to have a chat with, or an old lecturer from uni? Are you in a union?

My worry for you now is that you're going to burnout long before Sep 22, so you need help to stop that happening now.

I would ask for THIS year OP. Don’t wait until September 2022. It’s too far away - especially if you think that this could make a different to your MH. There might be something your HT can put in place.

I’m sure they would prefer you to be there than off sick.

@Imnewhere1991

Thanl you for your reply. It really is an all-consuming job. The workload is massive.

Everyone says to be kind to yourself, look after yourself, etc etc, but I feel the school won't see it like that.

But I am very aware that I only have one life and I feel I am wasting it by living in this depression. I want to recover.

You do what your MH requires. This sounds very tough.

Unfortunately, I think we are still at a point where going part time for this reason does harm career opportunities. It sounds by your OP that this isnt a concern for you which is fine but it just may be one to think about.

Good luck!

Definitely ask for this year. If you get burnt out you won't be any good to anyone, asking for part time isn't an offence.

FWIW I work with a handful of horrendous people as well as some wonderful ones. I've gone down to four days since coming back from mat leave and it's making so much difference to me. I don't work Wednesdays, so I only ever have two days in without a break. It's genuinely so good for my head, I don't get so wrapped up in work because I only ever have two days of it. I'd like to be part time forever from now on if I can.

I also feel like I need to do serious work on my MH and there would absolutely be no way of doing it if I worked full time. I hear you OP

Sorry, the other bit to mention is whether there's a plan for what comes next. Is your depression diagnosed? Is this a temporary 1/2/5 year plan then go back full time? Or is this permanent? Are you going to look at other career options?

Having financial issues either now or further down the line will only add to the depression IME. Just something else to consider

@tiredanddangerous

I don't know what I will do if they say no (and I expect they will, they wanted a full time time teacher).

It's like half and half. I enjoy it when I'm there, love the kids and doing my lessons. I like planning lessons. I just find I have TOO MANY lessons to plan and all the other things. I'm a perfectionist and do like to feel I've done my best!

Be careful. Can you afford to be part time? There is no reason to think they will agree at this point. If you definitely want part time start looking for a job when it comes to it you could always ask whether they would be interested in recruiting a teacher to job share.

@CorrBlimeyGG

Thank you. I am actually cringing because I feel so embarrassed about this.

I was on Sertraline for a few years, then Escitalopram(?), then Citalopram, then finally Fluoxetine that I'm on now. Hope I've got those names right, it's hard to remember.

There is a lovely teacher who's been there like 20 years who I'm definitely going to have a chat with once we're back. She's part time and very respected. I've also mentioned my mental health to her before. I hope she is supportive. I've mentioned it to a couple of TA colleagues I trust, and the response has been mixed!
I'm not in a union, though I did consider joining one in case they might help me fight my case! But some people say they are useless.

I feel like I could push through one more year, this year. The dream of going part time keeps me going!

@QueenHofScotland

I couldn't even imagine asking for this year! It feels cheeky enough asking for next year! Then my rational head comes on, and I think...why do I consider it cheeky to put my mental health first? What's more important, school or my mental health?

I honestly think going part time would do wonders for me. Planning for three days instead of 5 just sounds so much more manageable.

@TreeDice

Luckily I'm not career minded at all and have no wish of climbing the ladder!

@sweetlikesalt

You think I should ask for this September? Gosh I just couldn't. I've resigned myself to this year, I feel I can do it if I feel it's my last full time year!

I do worry about burn out. I wonder if they'd rather I left and they could get another full time teacher. :(

I can't imagine how hard it is to teach little ones, it's so demanding - how do the other teachers feel? Can they help you with ideas of how they cope?

Do you feel like this all of the time or is it cyclical? Could it be severe PMT or progesterone (lots of women are progesterone intolerant, some mini CP's are all progesterone) within the contraceptive pill which can make you very low, overwhelmed and fatigued?

@TreeDice

It would be a permanent move. I want to be part time forever! I've worked out all my finances and can survive on the lower wage. I plan to get a lodger to boost my income if I need to.

@cansu

I can afford it. I've got no kids and a low mortgage and small house.
I do think they will say no. It breaks my heart to consider another school. I don't know if I could. Maybe I will have to. I don't know. :(

If they know you are thinking of leaving they might be more likely to consider it.

The first thing you need to do is join a union. I can't believe as a teacher you haven't! For general day to day things they are excellent. It's the bigger problems linked to the government they are pants at.

Join a union then draft a letter and ask them to check it before you take it to SLT. This is what I did when I wanted to go part time. I got accepted because one of my colleagues had also asked to be part time so it was luck. Another member of staff may want a job share and until you ask you'll never know. If not, maybe look to get out of teaching. There are local council jobs, TA etc which are linked to your PGCE but with A LOT less stress.

Secondly you need to go back to your GP and get your meds reviewed asap. A union will also support you if you need some time off to recuperate.

There is also lots of support on the staffroom board on MN 💐

Join a union. I don't think you need to ask about it yet for next September. Perhaps if the opportunity arrives eg at a performance review. It's incredibly difficult in schools. My flexible working request was initially refused, but I did eventually get to go down to 4 days. I'm in secondary though so it's a bit different.

I think it is so easy to put school before yourself, but you really mustn't. If you are struggling that much then pick a friendly member of SLT and be honest with them. Good luck

@Rina66

It is exhausting. All day I'm on high alert. Everyone else is much more experienced and probably less perfectionist than me. Doing anything takes me ages.
I felt similar since I was a teenager. It comes and goes, but at best I'm 'meh'. At the moment I do feel very very down all the time, though.

@Dippydinosaurus, I have considered a union but people have told me they are unhelpful...
Would you mind telling me, did you just give the letter to SLT or did you request a meeting with them also? I feel like I really need to explain the situation with my mental health, even though I hate talking about it.

Maybe I will post on the Staffroom and see if there is any more advice.

@seven201 I thought I'd ask around Christmas, thought that would give me time to pluck up some courage to ask.

I definitely feel I am putting the school above myself, and I really don't want to. :(

Jobs shouldn’t require you to work for free outside your core hours unless by agreement and you get paid.

I can’t understand why teachers don’t all band together and say No More.

I know it’s a simplistic view but it seems that’s the crux of your problem, no time to yourself to chill.

Perhaps the more experienced teacher can give you some tips on how she managed to lesson plan and still have free time.

Nobody should be expected to work for free in the evenings unpaid.