I’m not okay

[CrazyMama10]

I feel like I’m loosing my mind

I’m in a deep dark place with suicidal thoughts. I’m numb and exhausted.

My husband knows all this and there’s ALOT of reasons why I feel like way which is too much to go in to right now.

Last week our toddler was unwell, had seen gp but said to my husband that I was going to take him to a and e if he got worse, he agreed but still went to the football and got drunk. I ended up in a and e with our baby. Husband knew this and stayed in the pub.

He’s been out Thursday night, cricket all day yesterday and football again today. All involving a decent amount of alcohol.

I told him today I was having a bad day and not coping well. Still went to the match but instead of coming home to his wife he’s out in the pub with all the boys.

I don’t think he cares so much for me.

I can’t keep having the same conversations, it’s too difficult for me at the moment. I’m feel like I’m going crazy. AIBU to feel annoyed??

Yanbu to be annoyed! Your husband sounds like a selfish knob who is putting his own enjoyment (and drinking) in front of both his child and your mental health.

Can you reach out to any family or friends for some extra support? And have you been to the doctor about your suicidal thoughts? I can imagine everything feels impossible right now, but please believe me that things can get better, and that starts with getting the right help for you.

I think you have a husband issue OP, you need and deserve more support than this. He’s running away when you most need help, it isn’t fair. I bet you’d actually start feeling slightly better if he disappeared tbh, he isn’t much use anyway which probably makes you feel worse.

Do you have anyone (a parent?) who you can take yourself and your toddler to stay with for a few days?

Your husband sounds like a dick so YANBU to be upset about his behaviour

Sounds to me you’re in a dark place because of the way your husband is making you feel....

What enjoyment does he bring to your life? Seriously tell me?

Sorry you’re feeling so down. If it wasn’t for your husband would you be feeling so down?

💐xx

I’d say being incredibly upset about the situation you are in and having dark thoughts is normal.

and hugs for you.

I’d reach out to al-anon for support. There will be people there who have been through exactly what you are going through and will really understand.

It sounds like your husband is an alcoholic. That’s not something you can change, that’s up to him. All you can change is you. Start with al-anon
Wishing you all the best

Are you looking for support with your mental health or with your relationship? I'm concerned that you're in a bad place and people telling you to leave him etc is not going to help you in the short term.

Do you have access to the crisis team?

Your husband is a longer-term issue, it's not good and does need to be resolved, but not right this minute.

Right now, who can you talk to? You clearly need immediate support for yourself and maybe with looking after your toddler, you absolutely can't cope with having suicidal thoughts alone, nobody should have to.

Can you talk to a friend or your GP? As a previous poster suggested, is there anywhere you can go to stay for a few days?

The worst thing I can think of for you is just staying where you are and feeling so awful. I know it must be really hard for you to work out what to do when you feel like this, but please, just call the first person you thought might be helpful in real life.

@CorrBlimeyGG

Are you looking for support with your mental health or with your relationship? I'm concerned that you're in a bad place and people telling you to leave him etc is not going to help you in the short term.

Do you have access to the crisis team?

I agree with this, about your MH and what you need in the short term. Also, I shouldn't have suggested your GP in the middle of a Bank Holiday weekend

I’m on medication (going to speak with gp next week) and having bereavement counselling, seating CBT.

I speak to my husband, friends and parents openly, my mum is becoming increasingly worried about me.

Thank you all for you’re support

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

You are not loosing your mind. You may be finding it. You feel this way because you should have a dh supporting you. Instead he is looking after himself and telling/insinuating that you are not coping. What does he bring to your life op?

YANBU op and I hope your little one is feeling better.

It's not uncommon when you're not getting the support you need for it to feel like you are the one that must have the problem but seriously it's not.

He’s still in the pub

I text him 4 hours ago saying things are getting worse and I’m really not okay and I need support.

He’s still not home