How do you tell someone you feel suicidal?

[nostrengthleft]

I don't want to tell anyone. A large part of me thinks it's because they'll take my escape route away.

An abusive person has destroyed my life and isolated me to the point I can't see any other way out. So many people believe so many things about me that aren't true. My confidence is destroyed, I feel like my light has gone out. This isn't the first time I've been through something like this, I attract abusive people, which makes me think there's something innately wrong with me, something pathetic. I hate myself for getting into this situation. I can't go through this again, I can't spend my life having to recover like this. My own useless boundaries are what got me here, it's my own fault.
I thought I was resilient but having lived a life of trauma with no time to steady the ship between events, I've nothing left. I'm drowning. Rather than swim harder like usual, I've given up. It's so out of character, I don't even know who I am anymore.

I've set a date and promised myself I'll wait and see if it gets better, try and claw my way out. I desperately hope it will but logically, I can't see how. I feel like everyone would be better off without me, in fact I don't just feel that way, I know it's true.

I've tried to tell people, I've said I don't want to be here anymore. I started a post here a million times then deleted it. I can't get the words out. If I say it out loud, it'll start a ball rolling. If the person terrorising me found out they will say I'm doing it for attention. I can't win. Every Avenue feels blocked off, I'm trapped in my own forced silence.

I don't want to hurt/disappoint my loved ones by telling them how desperately hopeless and isolated I feel. I feel guilty for not wanting to wake up when so many people with physical illness fight so hard to stay alive. I wish I could give my life to them. The guilt is gnawing away and perpetuating my cycle of despair. I feel so pathetic.

I don't know where to turn.
Even reading this back it sounds so pathetic.

Mornings are so much worse, I'm not sure why. Just working out how to put it to the GP receptionist to ensure an appointment today. Feel sick at the thought of telling her the full truth.

@nostrengthleft you've taken the first step by talking on here and to your dp.
My teen dd is going through something similar. Call the GP and tell the receptionist you need an appointment today and tell them exactly how you're feeling.
You've got this! Sending a virtual hug 🤗

That’s common for mornings to feel worse. I would be straight with the receptionist, you feel suicidal and need a same day appointment. So pleased your partner was supportive and you talked

Mornings are the worst for me too. It's the rise in cortisol overnight. I find my mood usually improves as the day goes on. Let us know how you get on with the GP. Agree you need to say the words to get past the receptionist.

Take a deep breath and tell her - honestly, it will feel like a weight off your shoulders just to share it. Mine asked me if I had suicidal thoughts, and I admitted I had and then just fell apart. She didn't section me or anything - asked a lot more about how I felt. I went on a low dose of Prozac, and it changed my life. That was three years ago, and I look back at that woman and can't believe it was me. Going through it helped me realise the triggers I have, and so when my brother died suddenly earlier this year, I kind of had the mental strength to be able to deal with it. Be as honest as you can - they are in the job to help you, and will do, if they get the full picture. Good luck.

I'm sorry - just realised you were referring to the GP receptionist. I'd tell her you were feeling very low, and need some urgent help from the GP. If there are no appointments, ask if they have a mental health nurse or crisis team you can speak to today.

If you don't get anywhere, go into A&E. My cousin had a sudden mental health crisis, walked into A&E, told them she was thinking of harming herself, and those lovely people just swept her up into their collective arms and set things in motion.

Could you try the Samaritans too? There's some other helplines, including one's you can text if that's easier here:

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/help-for-suicidal-thoughts/

Good luck with the doctor's surgery.

Yes good call, if you can’t get a same day GP appointment. Google Crisis team phone number for your area.

[quote Suburbanqueen]I have been there a few times but I am still here. I don't know where you live but there's a wonderful place called The Maytree Respite Centre. They, together with my GP and a counsellor got me through my darkest times. Please look them up and ring them. They're in London but anyone from wherever in the UK can go there.
www.maytree.org.uk/[/quote]
This is amazing. How are there not more places like this? (rhetorical question obvs!)

I went to the Maytree and it was a step in the right direction. They were hoping to open a 2nd house around Birmingham but I suspect Covid ended that project.

I did it. I cried speaking to the receptionist, duty GP called shortly after. I clicked into a more matter of fact attitude, detachment? I swing from hopelessness to numbness. I was honest. Starting a new medication tomorrow morning and I'm to self refer to a counselling service but DP and I are working out if we can stretch to private counselling as waiting lists are huge.

Have also spoken to a family member who suffers from depression (I hate burdening people with my problems when they have their own) they've given me some advice.

I don't feel 'better' but speaking it out loud may have broken the spell, so to speak. I don't know. I need my fight to kick back in. Will I stop crying every day? Will it get worse before it gets better? Will I stop hating myself? I'm trying to stop speaking negatively about myself as a first step but it's hard.

Focusing on getting through the day as advised here, I know evenings are a bit better so I just need to get to the evening.

i have been in your situation with abusive people telling me how shit i was. i believed them. Anyway i told my parents the first time and my husband the second.
i was supported to the GP and had CBT therapy. Do you know one of the things that the therapist said after meeting me a number of times? You are a perfectly normal nice person. Keep away from these people. And i did.
I am a long way down the road now and i am the happiest i've ever been. I have those boundaries in place, lovely kids, amazing brother. i will always be on anti depressants but that's fine for me. I've accepted it's part of me.

So i will say it's a long process. Do things incrementally to improve your situation. You can't tackle it all at once but things can and do get better.

@someonelockthefridgealready

Could you try the Samaritans too? There's some other helplines, including one's you can text if that's easier here:

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/help-for-suicidal-thoughts/

Good luck with the doctor's surgery.

What happens when you call the Samaritans? I'm worried that medication takes weeks/months to work and a side effect is suicidal thoughts. That suggests I could feel extra low at first.

@Tomselleckhaskindeyes

i have been in your situation with abusive people telling me how shit i was. i believed them. Anyway i told my parents the first time and my husband the second. i was supported to the GP and had CBT therapy. Do you know one of the things that the therapist said after meeting me a number of times? You are a perfectly normal nice person. Keep away from these people. And i did. I am a long way down the road now and i am the happiest i've ever been. I have those boundaries in place, lovely kids, amazing brother. i will always be on anti depressants but that's fine for me. I've accepted it's part of me.

I keep asking people if they think I'm all the things I've been

Posted too soon and lost my train of thought. Questioning myself at every turn basically, it's torture.

I’m so glad you made the call - well done you. Medication can sometimes kick in gently at first - I felt like my AD’s weren’t making a difference at first, but colleagues and friends could tell within a fortnight. And don’t worry if you don’t feel that “fight” feeling - I didn’t feel that until about 6 months in. What I felt was a gradual lifting of the fog, anxiety disappearing without me really noticing, and just feeling like I had enough strength and motivation to go about my day.

Aww i know. In my case it was my in laws and a friend a lived with at uni. I have gone completely no contact with the in laws. The friend from uni i have stayed friends with funnily enough but we don't spend a lot of time with each other any more so very low contact.
Once i put boundaries in place and stopped trying with these people i felt happier. I don't miss them and my family are happier without them. It was a long lesson to learn but I got there. I look round at what I've got and see how far i've come.

I would definitely look at CBT you need to change the script about yourself. I told i friend that i felt i was repulsive. She cried when i told her and told
me it was simply not true. The CBT and the anti depressants have changed my life. For
me the SSRI's work immediately but i know that is very unusual. I know when i have missed a dose.

Well done OP, you've made the first step to getting yourself back. Be proud of yourself

They'll let you talk about stuff with no judgment. You won't have to do anything, if you see what I mean. They'll listen.

Well done OP, I hope you are on your way to feeling a little better soon.

How are you doing OP?

I'm trying to focus on feeling better (one day) rather than giving up.
An improvement on the days preceding my original post but still fighting with my own thoughts. I know it'll take a long time to feel better. The physical symptoms are also awful.

I feel so much for anyone who has ever felt this way, especially long term. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

@nostrengthleft the only way you can disappoint your GP is by not telling him the truth.

Please, call up tomorrow, tell the receptionist that you are contemplating suicide and you need to speak to the GP. They WILL help.

In the meantime I echo what's previously been said about the Samaritans.