How do you cope

[pippapoo62]

This is my first thread so please bare with me. I have a 25 year old son who since last year has struggled with his mental health. We have accessed a lovely mental health team and he has been in therapy for the last year. He is on 150 g of Steraline a day. He has always talked of ending his life sooner or later, I have tried to understand his reasonings but today I have hit rock bottom. He is today crying and hysterical that it is going to be sooner, no reason to live and looked into ending his life. I have got in touch with the doctor who were lovely and said to give him over the weekend and will see him face to face next week, they have given him a crisis number ( which he won't ring), I feel I am on my own and don't know what to expect when the time comes. One day he is fine but the next day planning his own death. How did you has a parent get through this nightmare, mine is just beginning and at the moment I see no end. I am in so much pain as I love my son so much and don't want to live without him. sorry to everyone else who reads this but I am reaching out for advice in this dark time

I’m so sorry you (and he) are going through this.
I’ve been going through it with my 21 year old son.

I said my doctors have been lovely because this happened on a Friday and they could not get him a same day appointment but I did get a call back later and had a chat with a nurse who explained that because he was suicidal they couldn't have been him seen by them as they weren't equipped to manage a person who wanted to commit suicide. (Son has written a permission letter to say I can speak on his behalf ) She said he would have to call the crisis team. My son didn't want to leave the house anyway so would have been impossible to make him an appointment .Secondly his therapist is a lovely lady who has gone beyond to help him, when I couldn't cope I was able to ring her with my sons permission and she would talk to him over the phone when not his appointment time.

Never posted before but I just want to give you a virtual hug x. This was me at the beginning of this year. My 18year old daughter tried to kill herself 3 times, ending up in A&E each time. She had depression for few years, CAMHS were completely useless, doing assessment after assessment until depression was so sever that she developed visual and audio hallucinations. She didn’t want to be here. She cried together with me like your son does with you but she was in so much pain it was unbearable. I tried so hard but there were days where I had given up and almost accepted this. I was a nervous wreck. Then after her 3rd attempt and she turned 18 then(adult services are trillion times better although not great) I called her crisis team as I was completely fed up of lack of support and threatened them if they don’t do anything and she kills herself I will take them to court, that she is a danger to herself and she needs to go to hospital. I couldn’t keep her safe. My daughter also wanted to go to hospital as she a last hope to get better. Don’t be afraid, he will not be sectioned if it’s a voluntary admission. She was there for 4 weeks. It’s the best place for them at this time. There are professionals there who work with them many times a day, doing observations, trying different things. I am glad to hear he is better today but please if you see him like this call an ambulance because this is what you should do when one is in danger to lose their life. Call crisis team and make them do smth not just make themselves available for a chat in case our children fancy to call before they die. Because they never will. My daughter is better now. She believes being there helped, she doesn’t have suicidal thoughts but often cries and feels so much pain as if somebody died it looks like. She is still having bad days but at least I am not scared anymore of coming home and finding her dead. Will be thinking about you both. Hope he gets better soon and starts enjoying his life. Xx

Omg, sorry my post is so long! hope it makes some sense

Just reread your last post. Your son doesn’t have to leave house. Crisis team came to our house a few times and during lockdown as well. You just need to be forceful with them and make it clear it can’t wait next appointment or W/E and their understanding and virtual support doesn’t help. it’s their job to come and help him. If they can’t do it, they need to send someone who can

@Ilovemywine

Just reread your last post. Your son doesn’t have to leave house. Crisis team came to our house a few times and during lockdown as well. You just need to be forceful with them and make it clear it can’t wait next appointment or W/E and their understanding and virtual support doesn’t help. it’s their job to come and help him. If they can’t do it, they need to send someone who can

Totally agree.

Your post makes a lot of sense , I am pleased that you had a successful outcome and that she knows how much you love her. I understood what you were and are going through and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Mental health is a dangerous disease and a lot of people are having to wait months for therapy ,we are lucky that help was there for my son when it was needed. Difficult times ahead but we will get there ,your story gives me hope ,hugs back

Gosh he is so ill, honestly he needs to see a psychiatrist.can you access one privately? You shouldn't have to but given his life is at stake here I would move heaven and earth to pay for private help.

And I agree with the pp who suggested his medication is inadequate.

@pippapoo62 I'm sorry you're going through this; it's very difficult.
If you use Facebook and haven't already joined the private group called Parenting Mental Health, I would urge you to do so.

So much helpful advice and a very supportive community.

Hi Pippa, bless you. What a horrible situation for you to be in. I don't know your area but I would speak to the mental health team about some support for you. They sometimes have groups and forums for you to access. If he ever uses substances they almost always have some support in place for families if that's another option.

In terms of your son. It is absolutely awful and his mood will be swinging. Try speak to him when he is calm and rational. Maybe write him a letter for how much you guys love him to read in his dark times. When he's bad call an ambulance so he can be sectioned... I've known a lot of people and have worked with a lot of people who have moved on from this situation. You both can too xx

Myself and son have spoken lots since yesterday and I have let him read this thread. He understands the help is there and we will definitely be sorting this out. it was the doctors that he didn't want to go to as he says they are no help and they have never done a face to face so don't really know him. He trusts his therapist and they get on really great.
Some great news.... My son as been accepted for a trainee post for 12 hours a week over 3 days, he will be out the house and having a purpose. He writes short stories and this was seen by the people who read it and offered him the job. My son is sat by my side as I am writing this and he also says thank you for the help and support you have given us and he will look into further therapy when needed(which is now) Take care all xx

Fortunately he does not do drugs, drink or smoke, he never leaves the house.