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Original poster

How do you cope

37 replies

pippapoo62 · 13/08/2021 15:43

This is my first thread so please bare with me. I have a 25 year old son who since last year has struggled with his mental health. We have accessed a lovely mental health team and he has been in therapy for the last year. He is on 150 g of Steraline a day. He has always talked of ending his life sooner or later, I have tried to understand his reasonings but today I have hit rock bottom. He is today crying and hysterical that it is going to be sooner, no reason to live and looked into ending his life. I have got in touch with the doctor who were lovely and said to give him over the weekend and will see him face to face next week, they have given him a crisis number ( which he won't ring), I feel I am on my own and don't know what to expect when the time comes. One day he is fine but the next day planning his own death. How did you has a parent get through this nightmare, mine is just beginning and at the moment I see no end. I am in so much pain as I love my son so much and don't want to live without him. sorry to everyone else who reads this but I am reaching out for advice in this dark time

OP posts:
MistySkiesAfterRain · 13/08/2021 16:32

Bump for you op. I hope you get some good advice.

I just wanted to share a couple of links aimed at young people (CALM is especially for young men) and mental health, in case any of these help now or in future

www.thecalmzone.net/
www.mentalhealthmates.co.uk

FlowersFlowersFlowers

MistySkiesAfterRain · 13/08/2021 16:35

There is also a Text Message Crisis Line:

giveusashout.org/get-help/

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 13/08/2021 17:22

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I will send these links over to my son, thank you once again.

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 13/08/2021 17:41

I’d take him to A and E. with mental health ‘seeing how it goes over the weekend’ is not always a good idea.

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 13/08/2021 17:53

We have been told the crisis team are available, The reason I started this thread is because he has given me a rough estimate of when he feels it is going to happen, For things to be put in place he says.

OP posts:
lonelySam · 13/08/2021 17:55

Can you call a crisis team yourself and tell them what he said and see what they advise?

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 13/08/2021 18:05

He was with the crisis team last March ,nothing was done ,we accessed support over the phone with a mental health team in Hull,and then managed to get him into therapy once a week with face to face . It was for 6 weeks but it's now nearly 6 months and nothing is changing.
The mental health this year has been really bad with no support for most adults,we are very lucky that help was supplied for him . I have now come to realise it is going to happen and when it does I somehow have to manage .But at the moment I am in a dark place. Thank you for the links and for messaging me xx

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 13/08/2021 18:34

I really feel for you, @pippapoo62, this is such an extremely hard position to be in.

I know it can be unhelpful to be given lots of resources, but here are a couple, specifically for you. I’ve found Blurt to be one of the best:
www.blurtitout.org/resource/supporting-someone-depression/

www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/a-z-guide/suicidal-thoughts/

I in no way want to minimise your son’s risk, but I think it’s important not to join him in his belief that suicide is inevitable. Especially at his age, things can change.

Flowers
Imnewhere1991 · 13/08/2021 18:44

Hi Op.
What condition has your son been diagnosed with?
I have cptsd with eupd traits and sometimes I am ok on day but suicidal the next..it is exhausting.
Do you get support yourself?

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 13/08/2021 18:56

Not going to say on here how my son is going to commit suicide,but somethings bought online will be involved,that's how I know he plans to go ahead with it. I will have to intercept the packages and get his mental health worker involved. I am getting no help for my mental health and I am okay with this. I am thankful for the replies I have had . If someone wants to commit suicide they will do it , it's been seen and done many times , I just wish I wasn't in this nightmare myself and for anyone else who is going through this .

OP posts:
Alittlebitlostrightnow · 13/08/2021 19:04

Hi OP

I want to echo what a poster said above about not joining him in the belief that suicide is inevitable. It can change. I am living proof of that. I was absolutely sure I was going to end my life. I had planned it out, written letters to my children and put everything in place. My wonderful counsellor stick with me and didn’t give up on me, never judged me and always told me that I just had to hang on and take the next breath and if I could do that then I could take another one. She told me without faltering that things would change, that it would pass and I would get through it. She was right. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done..ever…but I did it. Your son can do it too. Keep telling him there’s hope. Keep telling him that suicide is an extreme reaction to extreme distress and that the distress can change.

I would also say that leaving it over the weekend to see how he is next week is terrible advice. If a serious attempt is imminent, he needs help now and I would recommend A and E.

Can you afford private counselling? That way your son can choose someone who is suited to helping him. For me having the ability to choose someone who I have formed a lovely relationship with is really helpful…far more helpful than anything the NHS could ever offer.

I feel for you OP. Take care and look after yourself too. Flowers

Imnewhere1991 · 13/08/2021 19:53

someone wants to commit suicide they will do it , it's been seen and done many times , I just wish I wasn't in this nightmare myself and for anyone else who is going through this

It sounds like you have lost hope for your son

Imnewhere1991 · 13/08/2021 19:54

The first bit was your quote...

MistySkiesAfterRain · 13/08/2021 20:30

We're here for you op, come back and keep talking if it helps. Flowers

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 13/08/2021 20:58

Yes I did quote,but I am doing everything I can for my son,I am with him most of the time,we are close and he knows I am there for him. Every meeting ,telephone and doctors I sort out for him, I make sure he takes his medication every day ,I tell him I love him every day , I don't want to lose him ( I am in tears just writing this ) I have not given up on him and never will . again thank you for the kind words .

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OnTheNatureOfDaylight · 13/08/2021 21:01

It’s so hard op. I’ve been in this situation with my adult son many times.
I can cause you to have anticipatory grief.
Just waiting for the phone to ring or the police turn up.

I really get how you feel. I’m sorry you have to live with this.

The mental health services are not always great.

GetTaeFuck · 13/08/2021 21:18

Does he have a Psychiatrist? I’d wager Sertraline isn’t a strong enough medication for his needs right now.

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 13/08/2021 21:34

I rang his doctor today to see if they could increase his Steraline to 200g but he wasn't sure if it would do any good, I was told I can ring next week between 8 and 12 to get a face to face appointment, and that they would see him. Since March of last year my son has never seen anybody medical they have just issued tablets based on a phone call. Hopefully the doctor after seeing him will be able to sort out better medication.

OP posts:
Original poster
pippapoo62 · 14/08/2021 08:26

A small update, spoke with my son this morning and he has cleared his chat room and messenger of online friends. (not sure if that's good or bad),.Secondly he has cancelled the on-line order of half the items he was having delivered. one item is coming next week and can't be stopped but I will take delivery and then donate said item ( will pay son the money and then it's mine to give away). I know it's not much at the moment but at least it's one step forward. I wish there was more help for parents who are going through what I am, but seriously just chatting to you on here is helping a little. Thank you

OP posts:
nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 14/08/2021 19:14

I'm often in a very similar state of mind as your son and I want to echo what others have said about not joining him in his belief that it is inevitable.

Accept what he says as being true in that moment but do not accept that this will always be the case. It isn't. He chooses every day that today will not be the day. That is itself, proof that sometimes he does want to live.

How is his relationship with his therapist? Do they hold any influence over him?

The turning point for me was the relationship with my counsellor who told me that it was my choice to take my life but that it would absolutely devastate him. I think that was the point when I realised I couldn't do it. I couldn't be responsible for putting that look on his face.

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 14/08/2021 20:25

I understand what everyone is saying,thank you for taking the time to reply. We have had a good day, he has calmed down a lot and we have had a long talk . He realised how upset me and his stepfather were and how much we loved him.. He knew we were trying to help him and that things just got out of hand.His father walked out on him when he was 10 and this has caused some resentment. His stepfather does everything a real father should do and they are very close ,even saying that if I and stepdad divorced ( we're not) he would be staying with stepdad.He told me that he goes into a black hole and he can't climb back out and this gives him his suicidal thoughts. Anyway today is a better day and he is has given me a huge hug. His stepfather got an upgrade on his phone from stepdad to No 1 dad which brought a tear to our eyes. We have difficult times ahead but I know we are going to get through it and thank you to everyone who wrote on here and helped me through yesterday it was very much appreciated.

OP posts:
Nhytfdetykbcz · 14/08/2021 20:43

I was diagnosed with severe depression. I had medication which treated this. Steraline amongst other anti depressants. My symptoms were much worse with anti depressants. However my GP arbitrarily decided to use a treatment for bipolar. I used it and now feel much better. When and how much to use were also important. I have better coping mechanisms as well. Hang in there and when ready, perhaps persuade your son to use different medications at the right dose.

Original poster
pippapoo62 · 14/08/2021 21:11

Has a face to face appointment next week with the doctor regarding medication .

OP posts:
Nhytfdetykbcz · 14/08/2021 21:44

A & E in an absolute crisis, get him off that social media and YouTube! Mission impossible... personal love and make sure he can talk to someone when needed. Exercise is useful and can distract.

TowandaForever · 14/08/2021 21:47

You said twice in your original post that his team and doctor are lovely.

How can they be lovely when they tell you to leave your escalating and suicidal son over the weekend with no help and tell you to ring back next week for an appointment? To me that's woefully unhelpful.