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Original poster

I am in crisis and I want to end my life

28 replies

Iamincrisis · 27/07/2021 18:13

I had a baby 16 months ago and I have had postnatal depression ever since. I have bipolar disorder and so was under the perinatal team during my pregnancy but as soon as he turned one that dropped me with no referral back to my mental health team, so I have now been waiting for help for six months.

I hate my life. I am not a good mum. I am failing my son. I work all the time because my partner doesn’t have a job, and doesn’t seem to be bothered about it, and I feel like I don’t do enough with my baby because of it.

I am dying inside. I am struggling financially despite working all the time, and I don’t have anyone to talk to. Every time I have tried to talk to my mum, she tells me ‘what’s your issue now’ or ‘sort your shit out’. She told me I’m fat and look ill and that I’m failing as a parent.

I want to reach out for help but she tells me they will take my son away from me if I do.

It’s got to the point now where I think he would be better off without me. I live day in and day out with anxiety and am on six different medications for my mental health.

I have nobody to talk to or to listen I can’t talk to my partner because his family don’t like me and they would make out I’m crazy

I’m scared that if I tell someone how I’m feeling my baby will be taken away from me. But I’m no good for him like this

OP posts:
IncludeWomenInThePrequel · 27/07/2021 18:16

Your son will NOT be taken away from you if you ask for help!

Please go and talk to your GP urgently. You matter, and they will help you. Your mum sounds massively unhelpful.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 27/07/2021 18:16

OP I'm afraid i don't have any good advice but from what you've said it doesn't sound like you're failing just that you need more support. Is your partner supportive emotionally?

Original poster
Iamincrisis · 27/07/2021 18:17

No he is not. We don’t talk about how we feel a lot, it doesn’t feel right

OP posts:
theshadeofgreen · 27/07/2021 18:18

OP is there a crisis team near you that you could call for help? Mental health services are there to help support you in the life you lead, there'll help you feel well enough to enjoy your child, they're not there to take the child away.

Ask for help Thanks

ArchieStar · 27/07/2021 18:18

Your baby will not be taken away from you a promise, ring your GP ASAP x

OverweightPidgeon · 27/07/2021 18:18

I’m so sorry you feel so awful, please reach out for help, they will not take your baby away and try not to engage with your mum, she is talking rubbish. Can you call your health visitor or gp? They will help you xx

FourEyesGood · 27/07/2021 18:18

Please reach out for help (posting here was a good start - it’s brave to admit that you need help). Your GP will be able to get you the right support, and although I’m no expert, I really don’t think you’ll have your baby taken away.

Good luck in getting better. Flowers

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 27/07/2021 18:18

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.

You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

PragmaticWench · 27/07/2021 18:19

Please call your local mental health crisis team, your GP surgery can help you access them if necessary.

The BEST thing you can do for your son is to seek help, nobody will take him away if you ask for support.

maddening · 27/07/2021 18:20

Please reach out for help, there is absolutely no way your dc is better without you.

I am so sorry that the mental health teams, your partner and mum are failing you, please find help beyond them now so that you can be here for your son x

I am sure that other posters will be able to provide better words than I can but did not want to read and run ad you deserve this support.

FartleBarfle · 27/07/2021 18:21

Children are taken away from parents as an absolute last resort. Not for having mental health problems and seeking help. They will help you. Please call your GP and / or heath visiting team for help. You need more support all round. You are not a terrible mother, a terrible mother would not be worrying about their baby as much as you are. You can get through this, it's okay to get help.

PumpkinPie2016 · 27/07/2021 18:21

Oh love, your son won't be taken away if you ask for help and he certainly won't be better off without you.

Please contact your gp first thing and tell the receptionist how you are feeling and that you need urgent help.

Do you feel safe to wait until morning? If not, go to A&E. Take your son with you if needs be.

SpacePotato · 27/07/2021 18:22

Your partner need to get off their lazy arse and get a job to take some of the financial burden and stress away from you.

Are you entitled to any benefits that would help?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/07/2021 18:23

Ignore your mum, she is wrong and is possibly one long term source of some of your issues. Your OP doesn't sound as though he helps either, so allow us to offer some useful advice.

Contact your GP and discuss this with them.

If you know any of the charitable support groups in your area give them a call too. That's basically anything and everything like SureStart that you can find.

Reach out, you will find support out there.

Believer99 · 27/07/2021 18:23

Never let anyone stop you reaching out for help you have come so far already, acknowledging how you are feeling, trying to speak to your mum and posting on here.

Sh!t mums don't feel guilty about not spending enough time with there baby. If you werent doing your best you wouldnt have these feelings. They are normal & valid. Speak to the GP

WorldsBestBoss · 27/07/2021 18:24

Your mum and partner both sound hugely unsupportive. Please don't listen to them.
You've done the right thing in posting here.
As others have said, please go back to your GP.
It might not feel like it now, but you can and will get better with the right support.

MumInBrussels · 27/07/2021 18:26

I'm sorry you're feeling like this, and I think you're very brave for trying to get help, especially given such a lack of support at home. I think you're right to do so - sometimes, we can't just fix ourselves. I'm sure people will be along with more helpful suggestions as to where you can go for help, but as a first step, could you talk to your GP? Maybe they can refer you to the specialist support you need? Or perhaps your health visitor, if you still see them/have their contact details? You're not a terrible mum and I'm sure they won't take your baby away from you. They want to keep mums and babies together as much as possible, and they will see you getting help as a positive sign.

Your mother is a bitch and, if I were you, I'd stop talking to her. Your partner sounds like a lazy man, to say the least. Does he know you are struggling? Would he be able to do more to help you? Do you have friends you could talk to/ask for help? Or colleagues? I'd hate to think one of my friends or colleagues was suffering like this without being able to talk to me, and I certainly wouldn't judge them for needing some help. I'd be happy to help if I could. Perhaps some of your colleagues are the same.

SoundBar · 27/07/2021 18:30

OP you are doing so so well, you just need more support and I hope some of the posts here will help you get it Flowers

Robin233 · 27/07/2021 18:32

Oh love. If possible I'd been giving your mum a wide birth - or completely avoiding her. What she said was Nasty.
Some really great advice on here.

Angeldust2810 · 27/07/2021 18:35

Wow with a mum and a partner like that, no wonder you are struggling. They are the two people you should be able to depend on the most and are seriously letting you down. My guess is they are a major part of the problem and getting away from both would improve your life no end.

Sunbird24 · 27/07/2021 18:36

OP there’s a quote that says something like before believing that you’re depressed check you’re not just surrounded by dickheads. My lovely, I’m not saying you aren’t depressed, but you are certainly surrounded by dickheads and that will be making you feel worse. You are shouldering all the burdens in your family entirely alone, which takes really impressive strength but isn’t sustainable in the long run. Please speak to your GP, getting support with your mental health will not lead to your little one being taken away. Then after that maybe consider whether your life would be easier or harder without your partner…
You deserve to live without all this stress, no matter how difficult it is to recognise at the moment you are the most important person in your son’s world, and all he really needs is a roof over his head, food in his belly and the love you so obviously feel for him. Be kind to yourself, you’re doing much better than you think you are!

bluetongue · 31/07/2021 08:47

Oh I just want to give you a big hug. You are not a shit mum. You are wanted and loved and needed. You are your little boy’s whole world Flowers

Please reach out and get help. You and your son are worth it and there can be light at the end of the tunnel despite how dark it seems now.

PlateSpinnerJuggler · 31/07/2021 20:12

@Iamincrisis
How you doing today?
I've just come across your post...
The nhs mental health is really hard to acces but if you're feeling that bad please please go to the hospital a&e and see if you can access help that way if you feel you're a risk to yourself.
I'm so so sorry you are not getting the support from the professionals or families.
The fact you work full time with bipolar disorder is phenomenal but I can only imagine how hard this must be for you.
Have you looked into getting PIP support?
Maybe this is something you'd be entitled to and maybe it would give you the ability to reduce your working hours a little.
I have family members with bipolar (including suicide attempts) and there has never been anyone from social services involved / taking children away etc so don't be afraid to get the help you need.

They also got help via local authority with just someone coming once a week for a few hours to help with the little ones and give mum a break - I think first start maybe or something like that...
Please chat to us we are all here for you

Anxiety46 · 02/08/2021 11:55

@Iamincrisis
Just come across this post … how are you doing now ? Xx

Preg19 · 02/08/2021 12:15

Really hope you're ok op. You sound like you are a great mum don't believe you're not! Please reach out for help no one will take your son away. Please don't listen to your mum she sounds very unhelpful. Please take care x