Crisis day. Talk me down....:(

[Personalitydisorder]

I have primal screamed repreately into a pillow and punched it theoriugly. I have taken prescribed meds and Valium to cook me down. I have smashed my face repeatedly with a box. Today is a bad day. Something very little is going to push me over. Kids are totally oblivious. Can’t talk to anyone irl. They just don’t get it. I’m trying so hard not to hurt myself right now :( dh at work in mega stressful
Job which is making him ill. Please get me through this

OP, are you alone? You need support in real life, but keep talking here if it helps. How old are your children? X

Also call your DH, your wellbeing is more important

I have spoken to cpn and psychiatrist is in process of altering my meds. Soon I will be unable to cope as I’m going to be mega sedated during the day. This is a necessary evil. I don’t want to but j in dint want to hurt myself. I’m waiting for a psychologist. Have been in and out of counselling for years and years at a time. I am trying so hard not to slice into myself :( borderline personality disorder amongst other things. Anyone out there today?

Mental health crisis team. Google them for your area.

You need to make an emergency gp appointment. Hope you get through this

Can you call your GP? It sounds as though you are having a MH crisis. You don't have to do this alone.

What has triggered this off today?

My kids are 16 and 11.

No trigger. I just turn on a penny and life becomes black. I can’t cope today. Every task is far too overwhelming. I’ve manège to shower and clean shower and hung out washing. Now I’ve just stopped. I hate these days. I’m so lost and lonely and full of despair

You've showered and cleaned the shower and hung washing out. That's more than me!!! Give yourself a break. Can you have a cuppa tea and just put your feet up for 5 mins for a breather?

OP I really think you should call your DH, and/or call the Samaritans on 116 123. Or call your GP and tell them you are having a crisis and have the urge to hurt yourself? Ypu can get through this... Sending massive hugs xxx

@Personalitydisorder

My kids are 16 and 11.

Are they at home with you? You've showered, done the washing, you can definitely ring your GP. Tell them how you're feeling

Don't let your brain chemistry kid you- you are doing well. Yes, you feel rubbish and are struggling to cope, but you have coped. You have done the essentials. You are surviving. That's all you need to do right now. One foot in front of the other, one breath after the next.

These are the days no one sees. Thanks ladies. I’m such a mess today. I don’t want to burden my dh. Honestly his job is making him so sick.

Lots of us are here. We don't know you, but we do care about you. Try to find the strength to call someone. We're all behind you.

Sometimes showering and putting a wash on is heroic.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

MIND: www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/helping-yourself-now/
NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

I can’t help it and I feel so guilty. You feel totally useless and worthless. There are a million small things needing doing around this house. And the thought is so completely overwhelming as to make me pause and crack. And it’s probably not important in life but it is important so where on the scale. And then something funny happens and it doesn’t make me laugh I want to slam my head in a door. It makes no sense and it’s what’s in my head. But I’m just sitting here trying to breath

I'm here

I'm thinking of you OP, you are not alone xxx

Thank you so much. I reached out to the link MNHq provided above.got some help. Thanks for that. Still a long way to go but crises diverted today. Ladies thank you for caring and having kind words. Sometimes kindness of strangers can work miracles.

Hi OP, I know I am slightly late but wanted to add

If you can try getting through 30 seconds at a time, then another 30 second.

Do you have any grounding exercises that you can do? Or breathing exercises?

Do you have a fidget toy you can distract your hands from wanting to harm

Here is permission If you need it to be extra kind to yourself right now (hug yourself, rock your body, hide under a blanket, hug a teddy so tight) like you would try to help a friend if they were feeling as you are

Hold on in there, we are all virtually holding your hand.

Can you do anything that brings the sensation of pain and the release you get when you hurt that doesn’t actually damage you. I sometimes run my wrists under cold water or hold ice really tightly. It’s not quite the same but sometimes it helps.
I also use visualising pictures of a safe space in my head and I focus on the tiny details.

I’m sorry you are having such a rough day OP. It’s shit. It’s really really shit…and as trite as it sounds, it won’t be that way forever.

Well done for reaching out to that link OP, that was really brave and the right thing to do. I really hope you are able to get the support you need. Just take one minute, hour, day at a time. You can do this. Huge hugs xxx

How are you feeling now op?

Hope today is a better day OP