[quote SarahDarah]@One2late I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. You sound like such a lovely person 
Unfortunately this world favours a lot of the wrong people, therefore it does NOT mean there's anything wrong with you just because you feel don't fit in. Look at who we have as prime minister and was democratically elected due to his surface level "charm"! If that doesn't show how utterly superficial and worthless people's opinions are, I don't know what does. Your kindness and difference is exactly what we need in the world. There are so many others who feel like you so you're absolutely not alone
Just know that you're a unique person who can never be replaced and you're just as valuable as everybody else. You have your own unique contribution to give. Have you tried some good therapy? Having a career break ? Trying a new passion? Hang on, we all care about you 
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I should know this, you're right. I let people treat me like the clown. I'm the butt of everyone's joke. I figure if they're laughing at me I'm fulfilling some purpose. I'm needy, but I dont know if that's right, not sure I know what that means. I don't ask for anything I don't take up anyone's time. Gatherings dinners weddings parties, I do this alone. Dont really fit in any group.
I don't think I'll have children so the dream of having my children my family will never transpire.
I was breaking down yesterday in tears. I was going over the things my mum would say to me as a child. Just over fighting with my brother. We were kids like primary school kids just kids fighting, and shed say I was out to kill my brother because I was jealous. In my language it was a horrible thing to say, especially to a child roughly translated it meant to be cooking in jealousy or stewing in jealousy. Ahe would say my skin colour was dull because of my jealousy. I wasnt jealous. We just fought as kids do.
For a long time I thought the pinishement I got as a child was deserving until one day I had a discussion with someone and said I would never ever hurt my child. Beating and dragging a child and locking them or threatening to throw them in the cellar. I remember clinging to the door frames petrified crying. I never deserved that as a child. No child deserves that no matter how bad it is what they do. No one. Ever. Being threatened that she would tell ny dad once he returned home. Yet no mention of what anyone else did. I used get bullied at school because well I was surrounded by bitches. Never had any friends and used to take any little toys I had and exchange them to have a friend for the day.
Got to secondary school and my mum would count my money out. Give me 10p extra in case my money went up for my free meals. It was never enough. I could never eat a full meal if I was starving. It was different when my brother started at school he would get about 10 20 £ a week for pocket money. I told myself it was just the times, maybe we were broke when I was growing up. I know the truth.
My mum ridiculed me in front if everyone. As a result I have siblings 2 of which are extreme in continuing their ridiculing.
One sibling I've lost my marbles with and we have sort of come to terms and got better. He doesnt really have any conversation with me, he just speaks when I talk to him. Doesnt message or anything I do all that. He is welcomed to my home always and sometimes I feel I know how he works and is only putting up with me as he needs a place to stay when he visits. This sibling is strategic. His manner of talking to me is beyond acceptable. Sometimes I dont know what I did.
My second sibling is just envious.
I don't even know why I'm going on. I don't say anything back to anyone. It really takes a lot to make me flip my switch. Most of the time I dont know what is being said to me until after I've left.