Messy house- is this depression or laziness?

[ladychatalot]

My house is a cluttered mess. Things got worse during the last lockdown as I wasn't having anyone around.

I'm now too embarrassed to invite anyone around. I am mortified by the state of my house and don't know how to fix it.

I don't know why I'm like this. I'm give the appearance of being 'together' in other parts of my life, but I just can't sort it out.

Its really getting me down- why am i like this? I do have depression and anxiety, but not sure if this is a symptom or a cause?

Has anyone else been like this and managed to find a solution?

Sorry, that was about recycling tins.

I'm certain I have ADHD and it's worsening as I approach menopause, I have the classic symptoms. However I am a thrower-outer, obsessively in fact (I think it's a coping mechanism for my ADHD) and it helps with the house.

I don't really have huge mess because there isn't enough stuff to start with, I avoid buying 'stuff' and throw out (bin or charity shop as appropriate) regularly. Not having as much stuff means the mess isn't ever as bad, which means it doesn't distress me as much, and in turn I don't find it such a horrific task tidying up and I can actually do it.

Others in the household also learn that stuff left in random public areas of the house is at risk of a mum clear out

Wild seas, thanks you’ve just reminded me of this. I tried it a while ago and it’s a lot easier than doing each room separately.
I’ll watch few fly lady videos too. I liked her before she got glammed up, there was something so reassuring and surreal about getting tips off a strange lady in another country who was less than perfect.
Really must tidy today, it’s a tip. Friends coming Thursday so I’d better start now!

I am exactly the same, I used to just about keep my house under control pre kids when I also had a cleaner. Now with two children and no cleaner it's terrible! Especially after lockdown without the pre guest panic cleans! I'm constantly stressed looking at the mess but seem to have some sort of block to actually sorting it out! I manage the basics - washing clothes, dishes etc but there is just stuff everywhere. If I spent half the time I think about the mess actually tidying the mess the house would be spotless.

Thanks to those of you who have shared tips, they are really helpful

Another option is the Organised Mum Method.
She has a YouTube channel, a book and also an App. Search for TeamTOMM.

But for an easy start I did:
www.theorganisedmum.blog/free-printables/
Really works

Thanks sleepy1 that’s reassuring! And bay staff I will have to try this. I hang onto stuff in case it’s useful/ worth millions in the future. And cos I like a pp, just don’t know what to do with it. It goes in the back of the car and I still can’t quite bear to part with it. Always feel I should be selling it, but that feels bad for charity shops, so round and round I go. 😏 trying TOMM again too. Thanks starsandstones.

Winenota, that was very much me, now it's just a bit me (lockdown really didn't help). I've now decided that I will never get around to selling stuff on eBay so I've stopped kidding myself and just take it to the charity shop. My problem now is stuff that charity shops don't want but I feel guilty about dumping (duvets, blankets etc, not even dog rescues want them at the moment)

Thanks pickingdaisies I guess I’ll man up and realise I cba to try and sell. It does seem so wasteful to just Chuck. The stuff I see in the dump!
My mum was brought up in the war and ridiculously poor so I guess that’s rubbed off on me a bit.
Tempted to Chuck the whole lot and be minimal af.!

Also have a look at dyslexia common alongside ADHD and can cause individuals to struggle to keep things organised

Dyspraxia maybe, Goosey? It was researching my son's dyspraxia that made me realise I was probably ADHD. I don't get on with TOMM, but flylady got me on track when I didn't know where to start. The simplicity of shine your sink, and the 2 minute swish and swipe, mean that I can always get a handle on things if I I'm starting to slide. Also the whole perfectionist theory rings true. I would be too put off at the scale of the task because I knew I couldn't get everything done. Such a relief to allow myself to just do 10 minutes.

@Mistyplanet

The "fly lady" on YouTube helped me with this. Its basically about incorporating routines in your day so things dont become overwhelming. She tells you exactly what to do. Also she says the reason you arent tackling the housework is because you're a perfectionist and think you dont have time. You do have time to do something- maybe not finish cleaning a room completely or even a part of a room but even 15 minute increments of cleaning add up throughout the day. When i feel demotivated i watch fly lady videos or other cleaning videos on you tube and clean alongside them.

This is really interesting! Like others here I think I too have adhd - did not realise messy house was symptom of this... but in my work I hate to do anything unless I'm certain it's perfect / 100% correct... when I look at my kids room for example I most certainly feel overwhelmed as I don't feel I have time to do it fully and when I do do it I'll spend hours to make it perfect... toy cupboard / drawers organised - beds pulled out fully and cleaned behind etx but the in between periods is a big mess!

@pickingdaisies

Dyspraxia maybe, Goosey? It was researching my son's dyspraxia that made me realise I was probably ADHD. I don't get on with TOMM, but flylady got me on track when I didn't know where to start. The simplicity of shine your sink, and the 2 minute swish and swipe, mean that I can always get a handle on things if I I'm starting to slide. Also the whole perfectionist theory rings true. I would be too put off at the scale of the task because I knew I couldn't get everything done. Such a relief to allow myself to just do 10 minutes.

Hi, I don't have dyspraxia and my motor skills are really good mainly down to sports I think. I just have dyslexia and ADHD

Feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, particularly with two young dc in the house who leave a trail of mess. I have an older dc too and they make little mess in comparison (though don't always clean up the kitchen behind them after making a snack etc.) Stuff gets smaller...no plastic toys strewn everywhere etc. I think I've half given up and I get easily overwhelmed. I have to clear up to clean which is infuriating.

I've got hobbies I want to do, so just try and ignore it half the time. Then when (rarely) someone is due to visit, I have a cleaning frenzy and get even more worked up.

Adequate storage is also key I think. The dc have got loads of toys/clothes etc. - hand me downs from friends with older children. Lovely but all adds up. Periodically, I will have a good sort through and don't like hoarding stuff which helps.

Considering a cleaner...but again the mess aspect, I would probably stress at clearing up before they came, especially as it would be a set time/date.

Husband is rubbish at getting around to DIY jobs. We could pay someone to do a couple of them but he wants to do it himself. The kids have trashed carpets and paintwork (which I painted myself a good while ago...perhaps when I was in a different state of mind). I just can't be bothered anymore.

I’ve got piles of old clothes in my bedroom. I just don’t know what the fuck to do with them Yes, my bedroom becomes a bit of a dumping ground too.

Clothes recycling bank - I think sometimes textiles can be recycled?

Forgot to say, I have a mental health issue which leaves me easily overwhelmed. Not really depression or laziness, though I do lack energy due to an ongoing (relatively minor) health condition. Not a great combination.

@BigGooseyLucy that's fascinating, there's plainly something going on in our brains when they are processing information, and it's all linked. I could never understand why I couldn't just "do" things that everyone else seemed to do without thinking.

Putting stuff away only really works if you have enough space.

My friend has a kitchen where she puts the toaster away when not in use - so has lovely clean 'sides'

Ditto Tea, Coffee etc.

I have only got a small kitchen.

Mind you, I try to have less stuff. Plus, keeping all bills on line reduces paperwork shite around the place.

One in one out on clothing as well.

Just got back from a fairly minimal holiday cottage, so that has spurred us on a bit

My daughter is currently under diagnosis for adhd, I think I have it and I think my mum did too.

My house has the appearance of being tidy but it isn't, things are jammed into cupboards, stuff pushed in boxes for me to sort etc. It's weird as I am thought of as being very organised and together but I procrastinate loads leaving things to the last minute when I get in a right state over it.

I've started doing some of the tips on here, so I put envelopes and leaflets straight into recycling and I will try and sort one area/cupboard on a day off if possible.

Good luck