I feel like I don’t have feelings anymore

[wombatsandaplant]

Prefacing this by saying I have psychosis and I’m on an anti psychotic and two anti depressants.

I currently have some insight, I am aware that some things I experience aren’t real but I can’t identify what’s not real in the moment.

And I’m just really struggling with my emotions. I feel like I have none. Sometimes I cry but don’t know why. I just feel really flat and emotionless.

I feel like I can’t tell anyone as they just brush it off. Sometimes my family are receptive and listen to me but sometimes not, they do love me though, I think they just get tired of me. I also think they don’t get it, how do you understand psychosis if you have never experienced it.

I just feel like disappearing, I wouldn’t get very far though so don’t see the point.

I’m also having more and more thoughts of suicide. And my voices are encouraging it strongly, I’m trying not to listen but it’s difficult.

Currently in a cottage with my family. Luckily we leave tomorrow and go home on Saturday.

I just feel like I need someone who understands but I have no one that does.

No one? Oh well

Sorry to hear you are so unwell. Maybe you should speak to your GP for support. If you are actively suicidal you can go to a/e or possibly phone the Samaritans?

Hi OP, I'm sure others with more knowledge will be around soon, but it sounds like you're in a bad place, and a review of medication and treatment may be beneficial. Definitely seek help - I'm sure your family and friends really want to see you get well and just don't know how to best respond. I really hope you feel better soon.

I understand you, I was on anti depressants for a while and i got to the same point as you as I didn't feel bad emotions and I didn't feel good emotions , it was really odd. I actually stopped taking them as I missed feeling the good emotions. Defo have a chat with gp about these side effects. I can't remember what my anti depressant was called but maybe worth switching or reducing, hope you feel better soon and have someone to talk to xxx

I’ve just started a new antidepressant, duloxetine. These feelings have long predated that.

I feel like as soon as you mention psychosis people avoid the thread.

I have no idea what psychosis tbh. But yes I think I was on duloxetine too, I remember just having no feelings what so ever which was good for a period of time but I missed them so stopped taking them, I probably should have told my gp. If struggling with it give gp a ring and look at other antidepressants and explain how you are feeling. Do you have someone you can talk to about this?

Not even a little “Yay!” for summer ice cream?
I’m so sorry to hear you’re still having a rough time.
Make sure your doctor knows how things are going.
Hopefully the new medication will start helping you soon.

I had psychosis. It is difficult so I do understand.

Is this your first episode and how long has it been going on?

Have you had any psychologist intervention or just worked with a psychiatrist? If not you need to go in there when your next with your psychiatrist and ask to see a psychologist who has dealt with psychosis and suicidal feelings.

The drugs made me feel like you do - flat and numb both mentally and psychically. But they are trying to temporarily numb the brain to help you move past the psychotic thoughts.

I found I had to avoid nearly all stimulation for a long time. Anything which would stimulate my psychotic thoughts I had to stop. I thought there were messages and codes in things. So no social media, no tv, no news, no books or music. For a long while after I still had these thoughts when exposed to media but just accepted them more as a 'well maybe they are real, maybe they aren't' and just seeking peace with that.

Slowly I found joy back in life and today feel happy, positive and excited about now and the future. I may relapse, I may not; but I know I will come out the other side and so will you.

I understand. Don't have psychosis but I do have anxiety and often feel like no one understands.

I’ve had psychosis since I was 15 so 11 years now. This time round it’s been 3 years. Despite anti psychotic medications, it hasn’t really touched it, the current one reduces the delusions but not so much the hallucinations.

I briefly worked with a psychologist but it was mainly around ocd with a bit on psychosis. I have worked with a private psychologist but I didn’t want to talk about psychosis, I don’t think I’m quite ready.

Hi, I have Schizoaffective disorder & have psychosis some hallucinations but mainly paranoia & I felt suicidal with it recently as my voice even sounded to me like the women's who I was currently paranoid about!
I felt like I was getting nowhere & I've had it for years.
I told my psychiatrist & he's not going to increase my meds as I'm on the top dose but he's referred me for psychology.

The flatness you feel can be due to the anti psychotics or it can be due to the 'negative symptoms' of your illness which cause lack of motivation etc and I suffer badly from that I struggle to shower every day but no one helps me with those symptoms.

I don't get voices as such but I think if they're telling you to be suicidal then you do need to tell your psychiatrist really.
Don't let the psychosis win!! I know it's hard.

I have psychosis and depression. Is it worth asking for your antipsychotic to be changed, I find the psychosis and depression interlink as you say re: suicidality.

The only other anti psychotic my psychiatrist thinks would be worth it was clozapine, but he won’t put me on it due to my weight which is understandable and anyhow I’m very reluctant to go on it.

I’d like to stay on my current anti psychotic as it’s relatively weight neutral and it at least works reasonable on the delusions.

I felt a bit like that on fluanxol which is antipsychotic. Couldnt even laugh at things.

I'm on duloxetine too and noticed loss of emotions early on.

Hi @wombatsandaplant that sounds really hard and like you've been suffering for a long time. I hope the new antidepressant brings some relief.

I know what you mean about feeling like people don't want to talk about certain aspects of mental health 😔

Have you ever had tests to check for nutritional deficiencies?

I had blood tests last year and everything came back good, I even asked if things were borderline but they weren’t.

I told my dads partner that I’m very actively suicidal and I want to self harm and she said she wanted to take me to the hospital but I refused. There’s no way I’m going to hospital.

I agreed to phone the community mental health nurse secretary and see if they can speed up the appointment and phone my psychiatrist too.

I hope you get your appt sooner rather than later @wombatsandaplant

Interestingly I don't think a blood test revealed much for me but I had a stool test done privately via a functional medical doctor and it was through that I found out that all was not well in my gut!

I went to the psychiatric hospital today and spoke to someone and they prescribed diazepam, to try and reduce the anxiety around the voices and stuff. Picking it up later today.

Hope you get on ok with the diazepam.
I'm very paranoid about my neighbour today, going to take some of my Promethazine to try and relax

Hope the diazepam helps @wombatsandaplant and that it calms things down for you a bit xx

I think my anxiety is a bit reduced on the diazepam. I’m still very suicidal though. Got an appointment on Tuesday with my psychiatrist, just over the phone.

Last Tuesday I also had a phone call with my psychiatrist, he upped the dose of my anti psychotic, but it’s yet to make any difference.

Hi @wombatsandaplant sorry to hear you're still having a tough time. Diazepam will help with the physical anxiety no doubt but doesn't lift your mood.

I'm not familiar with anti-psychotic meds, do they take a while to kick in like antidepressants do?