I feel like I don’t have feelings anymore

[wombatsandaplant]

Prefacing this by saying I have psychosis and I’m on an anti psychotic and two anti depressants.

I currently have some insight, I am aware that some things I experience aren’t real but I can’t identify what’s not real in the moment.

And I’m just really struggling with my emotions. I feel like I have none. Sometimes I cry but don’t know why. I just feel really flat and emotionless.

I feel like I can’t tell anyone as they just brush it off. Sometimes my family are receptive and listen to me but sometimes not, they do love me though, I think they just get tired of me. I also think they don’t get it, how do you understand psychosis if you have never experienced it.

I just feel like disappearing, I wouldn’t get very far though so don’t see the point.

I’m also having more and more thoughts of suicide. And my voices are encouraging it strongly, I’m trying not to listen but it’s difficult.

Currently in a cottage with my family. Luckily we leave tomorrow and go home on Saturday.

I just feel like I need someone who understands but I have no one that does.

Hi OP, I have been on high dose Venlafaxine 375mg for 8 years and I feel nothing.

It is like life is black and white, there is no colour, no sunshine. Nothing. Both of my parents have died in recent years and to be honest, I haven't felt what I expected to.

I am reducing my dose gradually. I just want some feelings.

Psychosis is terrifying, revealing psychosis is as terrifying.

With regards to the suicidal thoughts, I hear you. One of the drugs could well be triggering these as could the total disconnection from emotion. I came off of my second antidepressants last month because these feelings became urgent and I couldn't leave home.

You need a full medication review ASAP and you may want to ask for a second opinion.

Spoke to my psychiatrist just now and he said if things don’t improve by next week then I’ll have to go into hospital, oh joy, not done that before. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

I hope things improve enough so you don't have to go to hospital.

I just feel so shit. I just feel completely out of it.

Horrible when you feel like that @wombatsandaplant

Handhold here if you need one 💐

I went to the hospital today (I can go whenever I want and see a psychiatrist) and managed to see my usual psychiatrist. We’re gonna try a long acting injection of my anti psychotic and the only other option is not really possible due to my weight (clozapine) and plus I really don’t want to go on it too much hassle.

Hospital is still an option if I don’t improve but he said it would be for four weeks, so I really really don’t want to.

I'm glad you've got a plan. I'm on clozapine, it's made a huge difference to me, just working on losing weight now - it's worth the hassle of the blood tests.

I hope you stay out of hospital.