Today my dd bit me

[tarapinn]

This morning, after a night out which involved lots of alcohol, I had to go and pick my daughter and her friend up as they had no way of getting home. They had gone for a meal out, but then gone to someone's house and stayed the night.
Dd(17) did not want to be picked up. At all. I had 40 mins of verbal abuse and she also got in the car and hit me round the face and bit my hand. It drew blood.
It was like she was having some kind of psychotic episode. She was totally out of control and people were coming out of their houses and threatening to call the police before I arrived.
She has seen (zoom) a psychiatrist once and we have been given the questionnaires for an ADHD assessment. Follow up is not until the end of June.
I have looked at BPD and she herself thought she might have that at Xmas time last year but since then she's going down the adhd route. But now I don't know. This reaction was so extreme. At one point I thought she was going to run out in front of the cars.
She hates who she is. Feels she is just not good at anything. Has one friend. Feels empty and seems to hate everyone and the world.
I don't know what I want from this. I am just at a loss and feeling so, so fragile about what happened this morning.
Does anyone have any kind words ...

Oh bless you that sounds so upsetting. How are things now? Do you feel you are safe?

I understand the thoughts around adhd (though this seems an odd presentation for it) and mh conditions, but, to rule out the most simple answer first, is there any chance she had taken something whilst out which may have led to the extreme behaviour?

I'm sorry you are going through this op how awful for you.
It's a hard situation to be in but at 17 she knows better.
She has assaulted you, I personally wouldve involved police ,she needs to be held accountable for her actions .
They will be able to get you moving on the help she needs and to give her a kick up the arse and shock her into reality that this is out if order.

Are you sure there was only alcohol? Was her friend there too?

Meow - I asked her friend if she had taken anything but she said she slept and dd stayed awake all night so wasn't sure. But as far as she knew it was just alcohol.
She has huge problems with emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity.
Initially I had refused to give a friend a lift from the station and I am wondering if me sticking firm and basically pissing her off set off her rsd

There is clearly something wrong, and my worry is she's getting worse as she gets older. Hence the ? Bpd theory.

She is calm now. Has been crying a lot today but is still really, really off with me and won't let me near

Is she under camhs or amht? It may be worth a call to her named nurse if so to advise of whats been going on, or her gp if not?

You both need support. You don’t deserve to be assaulted. She needs properly diagnosed and you both need coping strategies to prevent this happening again.

At the very least she needs to stop drinking as that can trigger all sorts of issues and makes you depressed.

If she gives you any snash remind her that her one friend is unlikely to put up with this pish and could well fall out with her so she needs to think about what triggered it and not do whatever it was again.

I’m wondering if the friend was lying and knew fine she’d taken something but didn’t want to get into trouble.

She has refused to engage with camhs in the past. This psychiatrist is a private one and we had to wait 16 weeks for that zoom chat!
In her rational chats, she is very self aware and wants a diagnosis etc. But the pure hatred she was shouting at me this morning- I could cry.
But with bpd, don't the sufferers lash out at those they are closest too? Altho right now I think she hates my guts.

I don't think her friend is lying. She was extremely upset this morning too and has texted me an apology etc since. I asked her outright And said for me it would be better if I thought she had taken drugs because that would be a reason for her behaviour. I also said that I would not tell my DD if she told me. But she just said she thought it was just alcohol.

If I say anything about losing her one friend - that will possibly set off another episode because of the perceived rejection.

At the moment tho, I cannot talk to her at all. She has totally shut me out

My ex was bipolar. He could be a right nasty piece of work. Really felt the world was against him and being nasty to me one day and nice as ninepence the next. I eventually couldn’t take the nasty and snarkyness any longer and told him to get to the gp and get medicated as his behaviour was unacceptable and unfair. He did and he was a different person in a months time. Much more calm and balanced. All because of an antidepressant.

Would she take one? (Or whatever the gp prescribes) It could really help her.

I think she would be willing to take anything to be honest but I didn't think bpd was treatable with medication. The psychiatrist has suggested DBT for her so hopefully will be able to access that in the not too distant future

but is still really, really off with me and won't let me near

She but you so hard she drew blood! I wouldn’t let her anywhere near me! I would call the police, mainly because she’s clearly a danger to other people and I would want something to happen and happen fast before she does it to a member of the public and ends up in prison.

I wouldn't call the police on my 17 yr old daughter who seems near crisis point with mental health. I really don't see how that would help.

@SummerHouse but what happens next time she bites someone and it’s a member of the public? She refuses to engage with mental health teams voluntarily so maybe if the police arrived in the middle of a psychotic episode where she was clearly a danger to other people and, as the OP was worried she was going to run in front of cars, quite possibly a danger to herself as well, she might get access to the mental health support she needs but refuses to access.

This sounds really tough. It is hard when our children show mental ill health.

I do wonder if you have reached crisis point and need to call for help. When my daughter was actively suicidal 111 were very helpful. Be honest with them, including that she has harmed you and that you are worried she will do it again.

Use this crisis to get her the help she so desperately needs. It might mean a few nights in hospital or even going in as an in-patient. But that sounds like what she needs right now.

You can’t diagnose borderline personality disorder at home, there are several other things that could cause similar symptoms. Which needs to be investigated, even if she doesn’t agree.

@SummerHouse

I wouldn't call the police on my 17 yr old daughter who seems near crisis point with mental health. I really don't see how that would help.

I would. Sometime it is the only way to get the care you need, to really show how ill someone is! You aren’t calling to “dob” them in but to gain access to necessary care as she stability has deteriorated.

I see the point. But maybe call the crisis team instead? I think she needs her mum on her side.

I must admit when her friend said members of the public were threatening to call the police, I thought, please do. It might shock her into something... But I couldn't do it myself. She would consider that such a massive sense of betrayal from me. I am her only constant right now.

This morning she was in crisis, she is now calm but it's hard living with someone who is like Jekyl and Hide.

I am going to call the psychiatrist first thing on Monday to say we can't wait til the end of June for further assessment. Tbh dd seems to have got worse since her zoom chat. Like she's had recognition that there is something wrong with her. It is such a mess

This sounds really similar to what my mum went through with my sister. She was an average child until about 16 then suddenly everything changed. She was eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder but only after several years of my mum trying to get help. She's had some scary episodes of psychosis on top of the bipolar over the years. She's 31 now and although she's stable on her medication, it took so many years for her to get stable that she never got into work. She has a council flat in a property where they keep an eye on residents and a case worker who visits every couple of week but because she was ill for so long, she lost touch with her friends, never had colleagues and has no confidence in social situations.

We've had depression in the family before but nothing this extreme. If my mum had known how ill she was, she would have pushed harder. Instead she patiently chased until it reached the stage that she was locking her bedroom door at night out of fear of what my sister would do to her.

I hope your daughter only had mild problems but for your own sanity, keep pushing until someone actually helps. She's not far from the age when serious mental health conditions start to appear and a faster intervention could make a huge difference. As a comparison, a friend of mine from Sweden was diagnosed with schizophrenia after her first episode (because her Dad had it) and leads a very normal life with a job, a husband and two children.

Thanks summer. She really does. She has mental health issues (hence me posting on this board for support).
Most prisoners have some form of undiagnosed mental health conditions.
She did what she did in crisis.

Thanks milduras.
I don't think she has bipolar. Borderline Personality Disorder is more likely I think. But I do agree, she absolutely needs a proper diagnosis and on Monday I will push and push for more help.
Everything seems to take so long though. It's incredibly frustrating

You can't diagnose teenagers and young adults with personality disorders (even if you were qualified to diagnose). A competent professional wouldn't be making that diagnosis with someone of this age.

Why are you so determined to force a personality disorder label on your child? Especially a controversial one that leads to widespread discrimination and mistreatment and that many professionals in the field do not consider an ethical diagnosis.

Has she experienced trauma?

User don't be so ridiculous! I am not forcing a label on her at all. I have just been reading extensively about BPD and ADHD and all the associated mental health issues because of all of the stuff that is going on with my daughter. This is a support forum and I'm just asking for opinions and support I'm not looking to diagnose her myself.

She hasn't experienced a specific trauma no.
However when she spoke to the psychiatrist she did talk about incidents in her younger childhood with her father and stepmother. These have been labelled as childhood traumatic incidents. I think she also feels abandoned by her father who left me when I was pregnant with her

Despite seeing him every other weekend and still having a relationship with him she often talks about the trauma she experienced in the womb when he left me