Is it normal to feel like this? I don't think I know how to be happy any more.

[Swipeleftagain]

I wrote this the other day trying to get my thoughts out of my head:

It feels like a bereavement, I’ve had about as much as I can take. I hit rock bottom and I don’t know how to pull myself back up. The stress of the move and that night on top of the last year have taken it out of me, I feel physically and mentally done. I’m happy to have moved and I love the house but there’s so much to do and I’m so tired and the weight of responsibility feels very heavy. I’m scared something will go wrong, I can’t relax and enjoy it. And the same problems have followed me here - I’m still sad and lonely just in a different environment. I’m happy work is going well but it’s stressful and time consuming. I just need a break, the last 4 years have been so hard, the past year and especially the last couple of months have been a real struggle. How do I heal myself?

Not all of that will make sense but it gives an idea of how low I feel. I've had a bad breakup, divorce and house move on top of covid and the stress of it all feels like it's broken me. I ache all over, I can't relax and I cry far too often. I'm struggling to stay professional at work and strong for my daughter, I'm just so tired of putting on a brave face. I've got nobody I can talk to and I just feel so alone and scared.

I hate this site sometimes - you post something serious desperate for answers and get nothing but threads about trivial crap are inundated with replies 😢

Morning op, I don't have anything useful to say but I can bump for you! The sun has come up. Get yourself a brew. And cut yourself some slack.

Sorry you are feeling so low. It will get better with time. Are your colleagues aware of your current situation? Do you have support in place? Maybe some time off would help?

You've been through a lot, could you take a few days off work? Use the time to look after yourself and contact local Minds Matter service? There's usually a wait for counseling but they have online courses you can do.
Does your employer offer any support, some companies have a telephone support service you can use.
It's so hard when you feel like this, try some small steps, like go for a walk in a park and really notice the plants and birds, take some photos. Is there one thing that you enjoyed doing in the past that you can get back into?
I started doing basic crochet and jigsaws which meant my mind was distracted from the stressful thoughts and I had created something by the end which gave me a sense of achievement.
Be kind to yourself and try to find someone to talk to, you can get through this, in time.

I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling so low but it’s understandable given all you have been through. I second being kind to yourself during this time. Would it be worth speaking to your GP or having a regular counselling session help? I found a magnesium vitamin supplement helped reduce the anxiety for me as well as a gingko vitamin supplement for brain function. These dark chapters are very difficult when they come along in life so hang in there!

Do you have any holiday at work? Book a few days off and do something you enjoy. Do you like getting your hair or nails done? Those are my go to things. Are you eating and drinking properly? Sleeping?
I would also speak to your GP. I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant but prior to this was on antidepressants for a year. It was the lowest dose but my goodness did it make a difference! Some of your post really rings true with how I felt - and feel, now I’m off the tablets. Truth be told I can’t wait to go back on them! sometimes we just need a bit of medicated help and I’m all for it these days. Do you think counselling would help? Do you have a service where you live?

You're not alone feeling like this. But I do think you need to work at feeling better. Fuck the house and all the work it needs. For the next year, it's just a place to live and be safe. You have more important things to focus on so it can wait. I think you should see your GP. Some medication might just lift you enough to cope better and calm the anxiety. And then for the rest, focus on doing nice things daily, comforting things and things that are good for you (rest and exercise). Sounds like you are doing a cracking job of keeping your professional life going but would benefit from a nicer and calmer private life to complement it.

It feels like bereavement because it sort of is. You've lost a lot lately.

Can you afford therapy OP?

the thing that stands out to me most in that piece you wrote is: I just need a break. You really do. So much upheaval, so much to do. It is exhausting just reading it.

I don't know if you want advice but I have learned that you can stay stressed for years if you never dump the mental and emotional to do list. You could start by giving yourself some short breaks and naming them as breaks in your diary. You don't say if you have DC. If you don't, just book a proper half day break in with yourself. Wake up late, have a long bath, read a trashy escapist novel in a sunny spot somewhere. Get healthy take away food. Do the sorts of things you might do on a holiday. Do them all day if you can. On that day you are forbidden to tidy, declutter, do admin, sort out anything for anyone.

You need to actually stop with full permission from your own head. I did this for three days once years ago when I was so stressed I couldn't function. The difference between doing nothing and feeling guilty but paralysed as there was so much to do, and doing nothing because I had prescribed myself a rest cure was incredible. I started to recharge.

Plan a 24 hour break if you can. Super healthy food drinks and treats, favourite old film or comedy show, easy escapist book, some bath treats. Do these mini at home breaks as often as you can. Have a break for an hour a day when you actively mentally disengage from the massive pressure on you and just focus on being nice to yourself. It sounds like bland, patronising advice but if you actually do it, it works.

In terms of sorting the house - just remind yourself it doesn't all have to be done at once. Do one thing a day - an admin job or an unpacking job and reward yourself afterwards for the small progress.

It can help to clear a single area - the kitchen or living room or bedroom - make it as clear and clean and tranquil as you can so that one area is a refuge you can retreat to, to recharge.

Oh sorry - I read too quickly. You do say you have a daughter. It is harder to have those breaks with DC around. But I managed it. Try some breaks with her. Picnic food and duvet days. Make like as easy as you can for yourself with no shame. We had a long period when I was physically and mentally worn out when DC lived (very happily) on tinned spaghetti and the house was cleaned with baby wipes. We all survived. You don't have to be perfect. You are allowed to muddle through.

Blimey op you have been through an awful lot. I’m not surprised you feel as though you have been through a bereavement. I have seen many people posting about how they feel exhausted after this pandemic, let alone everything you have been through. First of all I think you need to allow yourself time to heal, you will heal but it will take time. Just stick to doing what is essential at the moment, work, looking after your daughter, feeding you and your daughter. Everything else can wait. Can you take some time off from work? Do you have any annual leave due to you? You need to rest and recover. Maybe speak to your gp and see what support is act to you?

I identified with your thread title and immediately wanted to say yes it is normal but it is not permanent.

When I read your OP I felt a lot of empathy because I’ve had a lot of similar losses and changes in the last year. On the outside I’ve lost my bounce, optimistic demeanour and turned into a grumpy old bat with no sense of humour. On the inside I felt really broken for a while and emotionally and mentally battered by stress, change and loss on repeat.

So apart from this cheery picture I wanted to reply because of something I’ve found very helpful. It’s a zen buddhist/mindfulness thing but you don’t have to be part of that tradition to use it and it’s free. It’s the plum village app and I particularly like the short guided meditations about taking care of difficult feelings. It has made this difficult time more bearable.

Recently I have had a few moments of real happiness while gardening. I’m still a grumpy old bat (to DC) but working on it.

@Swipeleftagain I could have written your words about how you are feeling at the end of last year. Everything became too much and I phoned my gp. Fast forward going on to antidepressants for anxiety and low mood, trying to keep it together at work, but failing so being signed off for 10 weeks, trying to get a handle on self care and resting (what is that I hear you say!) and you know what, I am finally starting to feel better. Not 100 % but I can function more clearly and am in a better place to deal with the shit life is throwing at me. You are burnt out. You need rest and to recover. You can get back to where you were and will feel happy again. But it will take time and effort in a different way. Xx

Thanks for taking the time to reply and sorry some of you are struggling too. I just feel so lost.

Moving was supposed to be a fresh start but I'm overwhelmed by the responsibility of it all and instead of feeling free I'm just scared. I'm not sure I've made the right decision, I wake up in the night feeling panicked and some days it's hard to get out of bed because I'm so tired - physically and mentally.

I've recently been promoted at work which is brilliant especially at the moment and I really need the extra money but it means I feel even more pressure to perform and manage my team well, I cant let them know I'm not coping and we're so busy time off isn't an option other than the odd day.

I think more than anything it's the sadness of being alone that is making me feel like this. I don't want another relationship because I don't trust men any more but I'm so lonely. The past year has been hard for everyone but knowing that I'm nobody's priority, that everyone in my life has someone more important to them than me really hurts.

I've tried so hard to pull myself up, to do all the right things - self care, enjoying the little things, exercise, meditation - but it all feels pointless. There's no joy in my life any more, I just want to hide away and sleep.

OP- I don’t want to read and run. Did you make an appointment to see your GP?

Thank you, no I haven’t yet. I know they’ll just put me on ADs and I really don’t want that.

There’s a great video from The School of Life on YouTube called‘how to deal with feelings of despair’ or something similar. It’s great for times like this.

Speak to your GP. You sound anxious and depressed ... and remarkably similar to how I was feeling about nine months ago. My GP pointed me to a free online CBT service and signed me off work for three weeks. I'm guessing you are going to say taking time off is impossible because you are in a new and responsible job. So was I. It was the responsibility of the new job that pushed me over the edge after three years of dealing with far too many traumatic events.
My boss was brilliant and my team stepped up to the plate, and nothing disastrous happened as a result of me getting the break I badly needed. And even if a break really isn't possible or necessary, the CBT was enormously helpful in giving me some techniques to break the cycle and lose that feeling of dread.

It’s sounds like you have made the decision to avoid AD. I am not an expert or qualified in anyway but I would encourage you to make a plan if you are going to sort this out alone & set some long term goals for yourself. Then take baby steps to get you where you want to be, how you want to feel over the next few months. For example, what can you do to improve the basics- sleep routines? Vitamins? Nutrition? Exercise? Self Care? Counselling?Just select one area to focus on each week and build up slowly.If this is too overwhelming to think about then once again I’d encourage you to speak to your GP. Also it’s ok to feel sad, tired and exhausted so don’t worry if that is where you are at right now. Sometimes these chapters occur in our life but they are not necessarily permanent so hang in there! Also if work is busy, could you take one day off and give yourself a 3 day weekend perhaps to give yourself time to rest & refocus? Sending you some positive energy to help you figure this out!

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. As an aside, you mentioned in your first post that trivial AIBUs get loads of replies - this is only because they're so easy to answer and take 2 seconds of your time. Your initial post was quite complex as it was talking about difficult feelings, and I think people wanted to take the time to post properly. And to be careful to reply in a sensitive and helpful manner. This is the only reason why there were fewer replies, not because people don't care x

@JovialNickname yes you’re right, I’m just a bit over sensitive I think, thanks.

I really would prefer to sort this out without drugs, it’s just finding the best way for me and sometimes it’s hard to see the wood for the trees.

Good morning op.
Just wanted to say I feel exactly how you do. My divorce is happening, im a year separated and I feel like ther isn't a single person in the world aside from my kids who even give a shit about me. House move is coming soon house up for sale.
I cannot carry on like this. My usual running, exercise and walking arnt helping.
Im going to call the gp this morning and see if she can sign me off work so apart from the school run and making kids food j can sleep for a few weeks. I hope you get better.

Hey @Raver84, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this too - it’s shit isn’t it. It just feels impossible to pull yourself out of it. Did you call the GP?

I don’t have any experience of AD’s myself, but a couple of close friends have used them and sworn by them for lifting themselves out of depression. They haven’t stayed on them, just used them as a bit of a crutch through very tough times. So they can sleep better, have better mental clarity during the day and function properly.
It’s been a rough year for most people, but especially those going through difficulties and life changing events like yourself. You need to give yourself chance to heal if you can, eat well, exercise, sleep, counselling perhaps, see your GP if you feel able.
Congratulations on your promotion, that’s something to be very proud of. It’s also great that you love your new home.
Can you book some annual leave, even if it’s in the future so there something to look forward to. Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could look at starting once lockdown eases, so you can meet people? Things will improve, but it’ll take time to settle in to your new surroundings etc.