I just can’t get rid of an overwhelming sense of sadness. Without going into too much detail the last couple of years have not been kind to us. We had a small business for the last 10 years, not hugely lucrative but one that gave us happiness and a reasonable, not extravagant living.
This has all been destroyed by Covid-19 and I now feel that I am having to start our lives over again, it’s been very financially damaging really wanted to retrain for a new career but there were no places on the course. I am now working in a minimum wage job (it was all I could get at the moment with Covid) and I feel like life is slowly crushing me. I have a decent, kind husband and children, I should feel grateful for that.
I can’t look at photos of happier times without crying. I look at photos of my children when they were two or three and we were happy and all I feel is an overwhelming sense of sadness. I look back on happier times and just think how stupid I was not to realise how things would turn out.
Sometimes I think about suicide. I don’t think I would ever do it but I think about it regularly, not in a dramatic way but in a calm, measured way of how it could be done. We don’t have much in the way of family and I could never do it to my children but still, the thought is there.
I look at my life and I just see no brightness, either now or in the future. I just can’t pull myself out of this sadness.
I just want to hear from other people who have ever felt like this. Did you manage to pull yourself out of it? How? I just feel that I’ve lost all hope that things will improve.