Does therapy get less awful?

[Bvx86]

I’ve just started therapy sessions..well one session so far. This is to deal with past childhood trauma, abuse and other family issues...it’s the second time I’ve tried to start therapy and last time I didn’t get past two sessions as it made me feel so much worse obviously from having to think about painful things.

I want to continue but I worry that I’ll push myself into a depression by opening all of this up. Since the session I feel all over the place and like this heavy weight on my chest / suffocating / impending doom feeling. I feel like I might burst and some of the feelings are so raw they make me feel physically sick. Is this how it’s meant to be be? I just need to know it’s worth it because it’s very difficult at the moment ...I could barely speak to the therapist for crying and just wouldn’t seem to articulate myself properly. I don’t think I realised how bad things were until I stopped to really think about it

My dd had EMDR for trauma about 3 years ago. The first couple of sessions were difficult, felt like we'd been steam rollered (I had to sit in on the sessions as she was only 10) But they worked and I'm really very glad we did it.

EDMR is eye movement desensitisation movement reprocessing. You basically relieve a traumatic memory and the therapist essentially triggers your other senses whilst you are reliving the memory to enable you to 'move' it to another part of your memory (my layman's explanation of it, I'm sure google would tell you in more detail) very useful if you have flashbacks, nightmares etc with PTSD. I found it helpful as one of my memories has resulted in a severe phobia but like another poster said, whilst some PTSD symptoms are undeniably reduced (no more night terrors!) I still feel crap about the ages 0-16 and struggle with my mums denial of events etc.

Like a previous poster said, there's different types of therapy for different things, before getting in too deep into your memories, just make sure there's a strategy in place to help you cope with these memories, rather than just airing your experiences and hoping that helps. From my experience and that of friends, opening old wounds with no strategy of how to deal with them can do more harm than good.

Good luck with your journey - I hope it gives you the peace you need

Hi op. I’m a psychodynamic counsellor and wanted to say that it is really difficult to talk about trauma and it may make you feel worse at times but please let your therapist know if it’s overwhelming for you. It’s important that the therapy goes at your pace. It’s not uncommon for 8 to 10 sessions to happen before the work becomes more in depth.

Take it slow, good luck.

I think the first sessions are always v tough. So much stress, anticipation, expectations and fear - on the first sessions after years of procrastination and pain before deciding to get therapy, then finding a therapist, then waiting for the appointment, then downloading the facts of your life story - all of this loaded on the first sessions.

Hugely emotional.

Later sessions don’t carry this total weight / burden and deal with just with focused segments of issues rather than “the whole story” each and every time. So it’s much more contained. It does get easier in the medium term when you have evolved and reappeared the language, narrative and meaning a few times - trying to make sense of something feels more in control.

Well done for going back to therapy.

You have to reveal it to heal it.

You have to feel it to heal it.

Your strong emotions, if you feel safe and held in the session are a good indication that you are engaging, accessing and starting to process some hard stuff.

I see it as a huge big basket of dirty laundry - that needs tipping out on to the floor, untangling, triaging and sorting before deciding how to handle each part - delicate hand-wash? 30c? scrubbing - then rinsing again and again - checking for stains - drying, ironing, folding, hanging and putting away. Quite an exhausting and complex job.

Agree with PP that you really need to treat yourself with care between sessions - I also would go home to nap after difficult session and wouldn’t take any calls for hours. Be ready for strange dreams and random memories popping up out of nowhere. Most of the processing is done between sessions and over time you will have emotional shifts.

But the laundry does get done if you go through it systematically and rigorously.

Would recommend “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van der Kolk. It takes you through the science of PTSD so you will know the roadmap.

Take care. It’s tough but it can be over - little by little.

Hi @Bvx86 it definitely does get better. It takes a while though and I found it uncovered feelings that I wasn’t even aware of and that went actually really deep.

I spent almost 3 years in different types of therapy and it was draining but it was the best thing I ever did

@OurChristmasMiracle

Hi *@Bvx86* it definitely does get better. It takes a while though and I found it uncovered feelings that I wasn’t even aware of and that went actually really deep.

I spent almost 3 years in different types of therapy and it was draining but it was the best thing I ever did

This gives me hope x

You have to reveal it to heal it. You have to feel it to heal it.

I love that! It’s so true. It’s why for me stuff like CBT hasn’t been so helpful as it’s mainly focused on the thoughts you have in the here and now. I found it more useful to go right back to where those thoughts come from, to understand and accept them as part of me. My psychologist once talked about it being like a tree - following a feeling on a branch now all the way back through the trunk and down to the root.

Now, when I recognise some bad feelings that have a (sometimes seemingly unrelated) root right back in childhood, I can just recognise the link more clearly, and it’s like it takes the power away from it. I don’t even feel the need to explore it so deeply - I feel more detached from it but in a healthy way. Eg I can say “I know I’m having these feelings because of XYZ” but I don’t feel this burning need to discuss it in depth, I don’t feel upset by it, I just understand myself better.

@NutellaEllaElla

I wish all my clients did this ^^

@NutellaEllaElla I am assuming you meant about the journaling - have you ever or would you ever suggest (not force obviously) clients to do that sort of thing? For me it was an automatic thing, I write a lot anyway and my memory is shocking (I am autistic/adhd and stuff takes me a while to process) but I’ve often wondered if it could be a more formal part of the therapy process.

Also, does anyone have any book/website recommendations about psychoanalysis being used nowadays? I really only have an A Level sort of idea about it, learning about Freud was what got me into psychology to begin with. DH and I had our second date at the Freud museum :o but I’d love to know more about how it’s used now.

@Bvx86 how are you feeling today? 💐
Also have you seen the stately homes threads - not sure what trauma you are referring to but these are threads for those who grew up with abuse/toxicity in their families etc so it may be a good resource. However I do hope you will keep talking here if you need to - it seems like we all understand how hard it is and it’s good to be able to talk it out 💐

Oh yeah i've suggested it before and some of my clients do it. It's personal preference of course.

The Examined Life by Stephen Grosz is a nice accessible insight into psychoanalysis in practice.

Thank you! 😀

NutellaEllaElla.
I love that book.

Wrote for therapists or therapists in training: psychodynamic psychotherapy: a clinical manual by Deborah L. Cabaniss et al,
Trauma and memory:brain and body in a search for the living past by Peter A. Levine.
Triggers by David Richo

@SingToTheSky

Thank you! 😀

@SingToTheSky

You might like Irvin Yalom's very readable books about psychoanalytic psychotherapy - Momma And The Meaning Of Life and Love's Executioner.

Also John Cleese and Robin Skinner - Families and how to survive them provides a good intro to core psychoanalytic ideas about how a newborn baby who has been literally merged with mother in utero develops into a separate autonomous individual with a reality based understanding of who they are in trusting to others. And of course - multitude of anxieties fantasies and defences that get in the of that developmental process!

Trusting? I meant relating!

And "get in the way of" ... 🤦‍♀️

I found that doing something alongside like headspace meditation or yoga with Adrienne can be very calming and grounding and give a sense that everything is going to be okay - invaluable.

Thank you for the book recommendations! More for the reading list :o

@Bvx86 hope you are doing ok 💐