Does therapy get less awful?

[Bvx86]

I’ve just started therapy sessions..well one session so far. This is to deal with past childhood trauma, abuse and other family issues...it’s the second time I’ve tried to start therapy and last time I didn’t get past two sessions as it made me feel so much worse obviously from having to think about painful things.

I want to continue but I worry that I’ll push myself into a depression by opening all of this up. Since the session I feel all over the place and like this heavy weight on my chest / suffocating / impending doom feeling. I feel like I might burst and some of the feelings are so raw they make me feel physically sick. Is this how it’s meant to be be? I just need to know it’s worth it because it’s very difficult at the moment ...I could barely speak to the therapist for crying and just wouldn’t seem to articulate myself properly. I don’t think I realised how bad things were until I stopped to really think about it

Maybe it would be best for you not to open up about everything so early on in therapy. It's important to build yourself up, your resilience.

Yes it is common for it to feel worse before you get better but remember that you're not bringing something up that isn't there all the time anyway. While you try to suppress it all the time, it gets squeezed and comes out in other ways.

Yeah I don’t think there’s any bottling it up anymore..I think it’s just hard to imagine feeling better when you’re in the thick of it.

Hi Op - Firstly, well done on seeking help!! I was just wondering what type of therapy you're having? I had EDMR for trauma in childhood and it worked better than I expected (didn't 'cure' me but made me a bit more able to cope with certain events). I think just thinking about traumatic memories is not helpful without a strategy to actually combat how you feel about those memories, if that makes sense? I hope it gets easier for you, I totally empathise with how hard it is

I think you should specifically talk to your therapist about it. I think it can be normal for things to get worse before they get better particularly with these sort of issues but your therapist should know about the toll it’s taking on you and have some strategies for managing it or at least giving you hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes you just don’t get on with a particular therapist also, I have had counselling many times in my life and I felt like this with one person and think she was just totally wrong for me. Every other counsellor has helped me loads and made me feel much better, which is obviously the end goal.

@NutellaEllaElla

Yes it is common for it to feel worse before you get better but remember that you're not bringing something up that isn't there all the time anyway. While you try to suppress it all the time, it gets squeezed and comes out in other ways.

I echo this. Until they are processed in the correct way, thoughts and anxieties associated with them will control you without you knowing. I'm undergoing psychodynamic therapy for childhood trauma, including PTSD and it definitely is hard, but it is the path to getting better. You are so brave for turning up and pushing yourself to do it. Well done xxxx

Its so hard to start with. It's like opening pandoras box. It does get better with time and trust. I found journalling really helpful and it meant that if I was struggling to voice something, I could just hand him the diary and let him read it.

It’s generally recommended to do quite a lot of stabilisation work (ie learning relaxation and grounding techniques, ways of coping with distressing emotions) before going into talking about traumatic memories. It may be the case that your therapist needs to spend a bit more time on stabilisation and coping before moving onto trauma processing work. Even then it can be hard work so it is important that you have a good support network around you whilst doing this, of some good self care strategies Good luck OP.

I feel awful saying this but so glad I found this post .. I started therapy a few weeks ago which involves trauma in my life and since then I am a mess can't breathe properly etc x

I was really panicking something wrong with me ...

Thanks so much everyone for the replies. I’ve only had the introductory session where they start to take your history and I haven’t actually really gone into too much detail but even just starting to talk about my childhood in high level terms I’ve found tremendously difficult..I don’t think I realised how much I’ve been probably been struggling or how bad some things are until I’ve said them out loud.

I really appreciate hearing from others about your experiences and to know it’s normal to feel worse...

@mum2bin2021 the therapist specialises in psychodynamic therapy and psychoanalysis which I’d read was best for childhood trauma. I’ve tried CBT before and I think it’s probably useful for my anxiety but not really getting to the source of the issue. What’s EDMR I’ve not heard of that?

@Dolciedolly I’m really sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time as well. It’s amazing how physical the symptoms can feel..I’ve felt like someone’s been sat on my chest or squeezing my throat..literal weight of emotions! Went for a really long walk today which has taken the edge off a bit at least.

It does IME with the right therapist and the right style for you. Very much agree with grounding techniques etc. I haven’t had psychoanalysis myself though, I’ve heard it’s incredibly intense 💐

EMDR is IMO unbeatable for flashbacks, reliving, physiological symptoms, intense distress in response to memories.

BTW not sure if it would work with this type but I find keeping a therapy journal really helpful. I’d write down everything I could remember as it helped me process it. Then I’d read it again before the next session. It just helped me feel more proactive about my care and the act of writing it out kind of became a debrief each time. Like a buffer between the therapist office and reality.

I wish all my clients did this ^^

OP I am going to be honest with you- therapy will make everything hurt more at first.

It’s like have an old broken bone that needs to be operated on to be fixed. The old pain is there constantly nagging away- slowly eating at you but it’s normal, manageable even and the surgery- that’s agony. It’s opening that wound afresh, making it hurt it ways you didn’t even realise was possible, but this time it will heal properly. I’m not saying it won’t hurt- but it won’t consume you anymore. It won’t be continuing to cause damage and destruction.

It’s hard. I’ve been through a lot of therapy and it made things worse at first. If you stick with it and walk back through the trauma, you will come out and the sun will shine again- I promise you. It gets better.

Hand hold

:)

nutella what are your thoughts re EMDR for longer term trauma? I’ve heard from various sources it’s more useful for something that happened over a shorter term, like a specific event, I know people who’ve had great success with it for school trauma too. But DH’s psychologist is reluctant to risk it with him as it’s too complex - they’d have to focus on specific memories/associations which would be a drop in the ocean.

(Sorry for derail)

OP I definitely cried more in the early sessions. It did feel like it dug stuff up (for me it’s not actually what happened, which was in an objective sense not huge, but the feelings around it due to family’s reactions etc) and it felt raw again.

But over time the focus has shifted. It felt like once we’d got to the heart of why I felt certain ways about certain seemingly unrelated things, I stopped needing to dig into it. It’s still there, but I’ve accepted it more. I’m actually really looking forward to my next session as I have more positive things to talk about and look to the future which for a while I really never thought possible.

EMDR was initially developed for single incident trauma but these days, practitioners and the evidence is really branching out. I've had fantastic success using EMDR with childhood trauma that lasted many years. Some therapists are more experienced than others so if they're only confident in single incident trauma then that would explain their hesitance.

It might depend what you're hoping from treatment though. As I said, flashbacks, physiological responses, intrusive re-experiencing etc. Yes.
But nothing's gonna make you stop feeling sad about what happened and these things do shape our personalities. I wouldn't expect EMDR to do much to that. Different therapies for different things.

@OurChristmasMiracle

OP I am going to be honest with you- therapy will make everything hurt more at first.

It’s like have an old broken bone that needs to be operated on to be fixed. The old pain is there constantly nagging away- slowly eating at you but it’s normal, manageable even and the surgery- that’s agony. It’s opening that wound afresh, making it hurt it ways you didn’t even realise was possible, but this time it will heal properly. I’m not saying it won’t hurt- but it won’t consume you anymore. It won’t be continuing to cause damage and destruction.

It’s hard. I’ve been through a lot of therapy and it made things worse at first. If you stick with it and walk back through the trauma, you will come out and the sun will shine again- I promise you. It gets better.

Hand hold

Did it get better I am 2nd session down and feel horrendous I don't cry in sessions but lots of old feelings and anger comes out ... my anxiety is out of control !

lots of old feelings and anger comes out

Therapy is sort of about feeling your feelings so this to me suggests that you're doing it right.

Thanks nutella that is helpful 💐

Interesting about the feeling your feelings thing. I actually told people for a while that I spent a lot of time early on in therapy...

Learning how to deal with therapy :o

It’s true though. And it was 100% necessary to keep me safe and get the most out of it.

Yep just to echo what others have said. It is really tough at first, I used to come home and nap after therapy as I felt exhausted by it all. I had many early sessions where I just cried...but it gets easier, little by little until you start to feel stronger and more able to move on. Good luck OP, its such a brave thing to start!

@SingToTheSky

Thanks nutella that is helpful 💐

Interesting about the feeling your feelings thing. I actually told people for a while that I spent a lot of time early on in therapy...

Learning how to deal with therapy :o

It’s true though. And it was 100% necessary to keep me safe and get the most out of it.

so true