Fluoxetine/antidepressants

[Cloudd]

Hi. Need your advice/positive experiences...
Couple weeks ago I was diagnosed with severe depression and generalised anxiety disorder so started fluoxetine/Prozac for first time. It’s been 3weeks now, a did a week on 10mg and then to 20mg. I’ve seen an improvement in my mood and energy, from a 0 to a 4, but will this continue to improve over the following weeks or is this the best it’s going to get? I still feel down during the evenings, when did it start to work for you/noticeable improvements? Xx

Morning @sugarlost ❤ good to hear from you. Can relate to what you say about being younger and not being able to talk to people/family. I think in life hurdles/challenges are inevitable but good support is what makes the difference in how we get over these things. @polelynn your daughter is lucky in that respect. I'm also a big believer in doing your own work, the more we do the better we are at being there for others. So even though you are going throw this tough time @polelynn ultimately it will make you more compassionate I believe.

@sugarlost glad you had a good day yesterday. I hope you can have a restful day of self-care today. I know you are discreet about what you've been going through with regards to friends and family but I wonder if there is someone you could confide in. As painful as it is to make yourself feel vulnerable I do think healing happens through connection. I just wonder if some more connection might help you to the next stage of recovery. Sending you a hug.

I'm back to the GP in two weeks time and am getting bloods done in the meantime. I was so exhausted last night, I just lay on my bed and tried listening to an audiobook. I went to sleep early for me but was up twice to the loo and felt I didn't sleep very deeply at all. I can't seem to get through the night without needing the loo, in spite of the fact I try not to drink much in the evenings. I just feel achey, low, tired and tense. Can't seem to put my mind to things, I'm usually a list writer but can't seem to even manage that. Going to try to rest today. Xxx

@sugarlost and @Maidenpink
Thank you both. I am very fortunate that she’s always talked to me, long may that continue. I’ve tried to be everything to everybody in the past, to my own detriment certainly in terms of some relationships and work. I’m slowly working on my boundaries through this process of being unwell too and yes, @sugarlost I’m doing the best I can in the circumstances.

Thank you too @Maidenpink for sharing your experiences. This is probably far more prevalent than I’m aware of and as @sugarlost says, easy to slip into. I know in the past I’ve too used food as a form of control when other things were happening to me which were out of my control. We’ve done the right thing by escalating and those we’ve escalated too have got me on the path to recovery so I’m hopeful she will be helped too.

I’m glad you had a good day yesterday @sugarlost and I hope you have an enjoyable sea swim this morning @Maidenpink and a relaxing day thereafter. Look after yourselves both of you. X

@Maidenpink I'm lucky I have good friends but not always available to meet in real life which is what I prefer. I think my illness would upset/stress some family. I'm happy with the support I have via this group and I have another lovely online friend. I did think about telling one friend who has depression but she is older with other health needs and family issues and I don't want to add to her load. I do find it helpful supporting others depending on my coping levels for that day..I think @polelynn mentioned about supporting others. In a strange way sometimes it makes me have to try and be stronger which can be helpful.
You are right about healing through connection and at the moment this virtual support world is helping alongside the medication. Sending a hug back to you🤗

I feel that body ache so much...I need to start taking my vitamins again. I'm lucky I'm in a position where I can have a nap.. hoping I can and wake up refreshed.
I hope you get to rest so you're feeling more energetic to write and do things you love and feeling less achy soon. The waking up for the toilet is annoying..I'm ok there at the moment but I just keep waking up unfortunately💤

@polelynn I hope you have a good day too☀️.
I repotted some plants today which made me feel better as I wasn't sure If I would do it but this thread helps motivate me 🧡.

I'm trying to plan going forward not to do too much as before the pandemic where I felt I always had to make plans. At the moment I just do not have the energy and these body aches are not helping.

It's funny when repotting a plant I had neglected I noticed it was starting to flower and I don't think that variety normally flowers unless it's in the best growing environment. Just goes to show you even if neglected/run down one can bounce back and flower 🌺🌺🏵️🌷

My fledgling garden is a real metaphor for my recovery @sugarlost in a way I could never had anticipated. I now know why people talk about the importance of gardening for mental health and well-being. It’s my sanctuary and is so helpful when, like today, I’ve been struggling with intrusive thoughts and a busy, whirring mind. I had expected that today so some light digging and weeding has been a gentle distraction. 🪴 🌸

Hi everyone,

Feeling so down today. My thoughts are just unrelentingly negative. I just long to withdraw and weep in my bedroom. I was hoping if this was oestrogen related I might see a pick up in mood this week. Today doesn't bode well. So hard getting through the day feeling this way.

@sugarlost I think it sounds like you have enough where you are just now and that's good to hear. Helping others is so important but only in balance with helping ourselves. I like your flower analogy too. ❤

@polelynn it's good to hear you're working on your boundaries. Important work. I hope you feel more settled today, I know it's therapy day which can be tough. I hope it went okay.

Sending love xxx

@Maidenpink I’m so sorry to hear you are having another day struggling with feeling so down and negative thoughts. Can you do anything to lift yourself from it, even if it is just going to bed and having a cry?

Last couple of days haven’t been great for me. Increase in intrusive thoughts which I’d anticipated and therapy was useful but reflecting on it it’s going to be so hard what is ahead. I was thinking it would be more of what I’ve been doing but I am still using compulsions/avoidance more than I thought. I tried with something really small after this morning’s session but I just couldn’t do it. Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow. Facing my fears without resorting to trying to be logical, thinking them away, or even thinking about them at all is going to be really, really hard. I haven’t got a couple of my usual support systems as readily in place this week so that makes it harder as I have to just rely on me.

Thanks @polelynn ❤ I need to go and pick my DS later this afternoon and will be retreating after dinner. I've managed to tidy up a bit and try to keep my mind out of the black hole.

Sorry you're intrusive thoughts are up as well. What is going on?

'Facing my fears without resorting to trying to be logical, thinking them away, or even thinking about them at all is going to be really, really hard.'

100% with you there. I had a trigger this morning and found myself falling back into precisely what you describe. It's super hard. Has your therapist given you a technique to deal with them? This is from the guy who wrote a book on dealing with intrusive thoughts:

Label these thoughts as “intrusive obsessive thoughts.”
Remind yourself that these thoughts are automatic and you can safely ignore them.
Accept and allow the thoughts into your mind. Do not try to push them away.
Breathe diaphragmatically until your anxiety starts to go down.
Continue whatever you were doing prior to the intrusive thought.

I'm sure you're probably working with some sort of model like this. I find if I try to go through the process it creates that little bit of distance between me and the thoughts. Tbh I've realised I've not been doing this for a while bc my intrusive thoughts have been easier to dismiss. But found myself going back to it today. Also remember the anti-obsessional effect of the medication can take 12 weeks to become fully effective. It's so hard though, I get it.

You have us to support you at least. We can help each other. Hugs ❤

That 'what is going on?' was rhetorical btw. X

Hi @Maidenpink & @polelynn,

Sorry to hear how you have both been feeling💐💐. *@Maidenpink I agree with @polelynn*n maybe you need time out to cry. I hope you get to rest, play some relaxing music too maybe X.
It's so hard dealing with these thoughts and feelings. Today I just thought I want to be reprogrammed to feel better. I wish we could all get better soon so we don't have to go through this pain...it really is exhausting. Sometimes you feel like you've turned a corner than you feel like your back where you started.
I wish the sun was shining... I'm sure it was helping me.

@polelynn Its good to hear the therapy has been useful. Remember to take gentle steps and a marathon not a race. I know it can feel frustrating but trying not to overwhelm yourself further with too high expectations too quickly may be a better way forward X

I myself have had an upsetting morning I was in tears ..it was strange as the medication seems to normally repress it. Intrusive dark thoughts came my way too.
I feel like I have alot more tears that need to be cried out.
I thought work may help distract me but I wanted to run away from it and focus on how I was feeling and resting.
I rang my surgery whilst tearful to discuss my blood results but that wasn't possible today...I wanted to talk about how I'm feeling too. I'll call back tomorrow.

I didn't sleep well as usual and work began to feel like an effort. Due to the nature of my work it can at times be emotionally draining.
I'm going to see if I can reduce my hours.. I'm not sure if it will be possible. I just don't have the motivation or energy to work full-time at the moment or maybe long term. If I reduce my house I can't tell my family as they won't understand.

Thinking of you both and sending big hugs🌷🌺

Thanks @sugarlost. Sorry you've been hit with the intrusive thoughts too and don't feel good. And yes to thinking you're turning a corner only to feel you're back at the start. That sounds like a positive step re your working hours. It's hard when family don't understand our choices but you ultimately have to do what's best for you, not them. I hope you get to speak to someone at your surgery tomor. Really hard talking about this kind of thing over the phone. I wonder when we might get to have face to face consultations. I'm sure the GPs don't like constantly being on the phone either.

Today is the longest day and a full moon is almost upon us. Maybe there's an excess of energy jarring our thoughts.

Hugs xxx

Thanks @Maidenpink for sharing that. She hasn’t given me specific techniques as yet. I suspect she (and I more so) just wanted me to try and see how I got on first. I’m going to write what you shared down so I can easily refer to it when I try again.

Yes, maybe an increase in these thoughts are connected to the solstice and energy levels. I am waking really early too and struggling to go back to sleep but then hitting a brick wall around now. The fast/slow feelings you described the other day resonate with me today too. I’ve got a lot of energy/thoughts but feel I’m in slow motion, and the day seems to be simultaneously rushing by yet going really slowly .

@sugarlost I’m sorry you ended up tearful. I really would seriously consider reducing your hours or taking some time off especially as your work can be so draining. I get it, it’s a useful technique for distraction but long term it really doesn’t work. You have to face these things otherwise they simply manifest in different ways. I talk from bitter experience and still haven’t learnt that lesson entirely. I totally understand the desire to be reprogrammed, if only it were that simple but at least we know we aren’t alone and we have each other’s back.

Love to you both. X

I just came across this quote while trawling Instagram and thought I’d share:

“Nobody really tells you this but sometimes healing hurts more than the wound.”

Maybe we just have to go through this without judging ourselves and facing and feeling all the feelings that go along with it. I wish I could turn back the clock and have stopped myself getting so bad and dealt with stuff rather than avoid. This is really hard.

@Maidenpink and @polelynn my surgery text to say they'll call tomorrow. I actually prefer phone contact as I feel more comfortable and I've cried before in the surgery and prefer to do that in the privacy of my home. I know if I talk about my feelings there is a chance I will cry which isn't a bad thing but I feel more in control alone.
I've know painfully the negative effect of not listening to my own wellbeing needs in the past but pleasing family instead...those were some of my darkest moments sadly. You are right about facing the situation and my work hours to be considered. I will do this and try and learn from my past experiences.

Those feeling described of feeling energetic but everything being in slow motion sound like a battle...it will get easier 🧡

I went to the shop to get some food but also to get some air and have people around me hoping that would help with a sense of normality but I felt a bit on edge and maybe slightly paranoid while outside...it's sometimes hard to describe.

Apologies if my writing doesn't make sense as I feel a bit confused... I'm going to have a rest. Just as I wrote this the neighbours are now playing music...more ear plugs should be delivered this week thankfully!

@polelynn that's a brilliant quote! Thanks I will be reflecting back on it!

Love back to both of you🌸🏵️

You make absolute sense to me. Sorry you have to deal with noisy neighbours too. X

@sugarlost you make complete sense to me too! I hope you get on okay with your call back from the surgery tomorrow.

@polelynn that quote sort of punched me in the stomach. More than a grain of truth in there. I'm the same still with the fast/slow thing. Maybe it's something to do with where we are metabolising this dose of medication. I don't know.

Today was not fun. Fulfilled my obligations but I would just love to feel more settled again. Blood tests tomor morning which in not looking forward to. I keep crying at inopportune moments so I hope the nurse isn't too nice to me or I'll be away.

Xxx

@Maidenpink I’m sorry you had that reaction to it, I hope you are okay. Perhaps I shouldn’t have shared it.

Dreading today, looking forward to it being over. Steepness night and intrusive thoughts are back at what they were pre-medication. Feeling back to square one and need to do something to lift myself out of this. I might try a walk and see if I can coax my son to come out with me.

Sleepless.

@polelynn not at all, it had impact that's all. It's so hard all of this.

So sorry you had a bad night and have the dread. I was awake from 5am and have had a fitful crazy dream time since then. Solstice? I know you feel you're back to square one but you aren't, you would never be thinking of going a walk to lift yourself out of how you feel before, it wouldn't have felt like an option. I'm so sorry you feel bad, but you've achieved a lot, you're just not there yet. As @sugarlost says, it's a marathon not a sprint. So you're in a bit where you're tired and feel like you can't make it. You can, and you will. We're cheering you on from the side. My friend says the fastest way to heal is slowly. Frustrating as that is, I think there's truth in it. I'm away to get my bloods done. Will check in later. X

Hope your appointment goes well. X

I've just been reading all your posts while getting half an hour with DD2 taking a nap! It's been some week.

Sending love to all of you and sorry you're all going through hard times at the moment

Great to hear from you @filofaxx ... I know how hard it is to get a moment when the kids are so young but I'm glad to hear you're still reading. Not that it's very cheery just now! Hope you're okay, check in when you can. Xxx

@bookcrazy how are you getting on?

Just been to get bloods taken. Wasn't too awful. The nurse was kind. Have a social thing to go to this afternoon with DC. Not looking forward to it but it might help take my mind off stuff for a bit.

X

Lovely to hear from you @FiloFaxx, I’ve been thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay. I’m glad you checked in. X

Glad all went well with the bloods @Maidenpink. My son and I are heading out in a bit as it’s finally stopped raining here. X

That's great @polelynn, getting out is good especially when you're feeling so rough.

I'm heading out later too ... it feels surreal, my head is all over the place. X

Thank you for being so understanding I hate not catching up properly and feel guilty for not contributing as much.

@Maidenpink glad bloods wasn't too bad for you. I hope this afternoon goes smoothly and you enjoy it.

@polelynn I hope your venture out has went well too.

I'm OK-ish. It was a family funeral on Friday (my husbands side) so I ended up having the two girls while they had the service then met up afterwards. I wandered about town and stopped for coffee and felt proud of doing that on my own with both of them for the first time.

My dad doesn't seem too well at the moment and that's causing me worry. I'm also starting to worry about money now I'm on the last couple of months of unpaid mat leave before I go back to work. There just seems to be so much we need to get fixed or buy at the moment.

@filofaxx no need to feel guilty in any way! Just glad to hear from you.

Well done on your solo cafe visit with your kids ... I remember what a palavar that can be and that was pre Covid.

Sorry you're worried about your dad and things. There's always some thing, isn't there? I just try to say to myself i only need to get through today when it all feels too much. Doesn't stop the worry but changes perspective a bit.

Xxx