Am I being erratic? Or should I go for it?

[threesteakspam1]

Hi everyone,

I’m a 24 year old female who is struggling a little bit with the pandemic (who isn’t!). My mental health has declined a fair bit - I live with my parents and have had a few moments of crying to my mum that I feel bored, lonely and depressed and can’t be bothered to do anything. I’m currently working from home and struggling to concentrate, though this has improved a little over the last few weeks. I’ve been trying really hard to better myself - I’ve been going on frequent runs and even bought a bike for something to boost my mental health. But i will be feeling enthusiastic some days and then down for a few days after.

The other day, I was searching for new jobs and I found my absolute dream one. It’s a level higher than what I am now, it’s the perfect next step for my progression and it’s almost double the salary I’m on now. And I’ve been offered an interview!!!!!! It seems like an amazing opportunity but it is in the city. I can commute there but it would be a very long journey and so I would likely have to move there and rent a room. This idea feels me with excitement and I would love to just go for it, spread my wings a little bit and start living my life! (Obviously I may not even get the job).
But, my parents think I am being “erratic”. They think because I am bored and lonely that I’m looking for something to feel the gap and I’m doing it out of impulse and boredom. They’re almost disapproving of the fact that I’ve even applied for this job and it’s not “practical”. But I really just want a change of scene and am desperate to just life my life and get out there whilst I am this age (and single).

I don’t know if I’m being silly but I just feel like I’m being brought down a little bit. I was also on FaceTime to two of my best friends fairly late on a weekday having a catch up (until about 1am) and I really enjoyed it - and my mum said she heard me and thinks I’m being erratic and silly. She thinks it’s a sign of my mental health declining and that I’m constantly looking for something or someone to fill the gap?? I am personally just making an effort to maintain contact with my friends as I think it’s important whilst we can’t go out, and didn’t see the issue with this.

What does everybody think? I just feel quite restricted as a 24 year old but any insight would be appreciated. Should I go for the job?

Yes go for it.
It’s not being erratic to have ambition and to want to live independently
It’s called life and growing and all the possibilities that are there at the start of your career.
Good luck and I hope you get the job

Go for it!! Do you think perhaps your parents don't want you to leave? It really doesn't seem an erratic thing to do.

I agree with the others, definitely go for it. Good luck and I really hope you get the job.

Awww thanks so much everyone! It just puts doubts in my mind when they say things like that - it’s like when I mentioned travelling before covid and they thought that was acting on “impulse” too even though I’ve wanted to do it for years!
I just feel like if I do somehow get this job then they’ll be really disapproving about me moving out...

Take it one step at a time. Go to the interview and see how you get on. Taking an opportunity to progress in a career is not being erratic! Have faith in yourself.

Yes definitely do it! What's the worst that could happen? If it all goes wrong you just go back to your parents but if you don't try you never know!

So mum today asked why I’m being so impulsive looking for a new job and it must be the boredom.. I then brought up the fact that I’m considering finding a flat share if I get the job and she laughed in my face.. apparently I’m too impulsive and only doing it because I’m bored and because everyone else does it and I’m not thinking things through properly... it’d be the most stupid idea ever... fantastic! I feel extremely kind of watched all the time, and so so so restricted

@threesteakspam1

So mum today asked why I’m being so impulsive looking for a new job and it must be the boredom.. I then brought up the fact that I’m considering finding a flat share if I get the job and she laughed in my face.. apparently I’m too impulsive and only doing it because I’m bored and because everyone else does it and I’m not thinking things through properly... it’d be the most stupid idea ever... fantastic! I feel extremely kind of watched all the time, and so so so restricted

You need to leave home. If you don't get the job , keep looking.

Go for it. You’re young. You don’t have to be boring/sensible. Take a chance!

100% go for it!! Good luck!

So last week my dad mentioned a downside about the job I applied for and I sort of agreed in passing. Still would like the job and thought it would be good to do the interview - I may not even get it!
I have the interview today and when mentioned to dad, he scoffed and said “why make a big deal, you don’t want this one anyway”.

It turned into a huge argument with both parents, both saying things along the lines of:
“You didn’t want this job anyway, it’s stupid, making a big song and dance of it”
“Moving to the city?! You’d make the biggest mistake of your life. You can’t afford it” (bearing in mind I worked out everything with the salary, and been looking at websites to see what rent is like - and I definitely could).
“You only want to move out because you want to do what you want and see who you want (been a bit down about isolating and not walking with friends cos parents are vulnerable). You don’t respect us at all, you’re embarrassing”
“It’ll all go wrong for you, living with strangers, how stupid can you get”

So they’ve basically decided for me that I don’t want the job? And I didn’t even get a good luck or any sign of support. Just being told I’m immature. Please can someone tell me I’m not in the wrong here because I’m in floods of tears and my interview is later today. I honestly don’t know how I can ever win!

You’re not in the wrong and I think you will find your mental health will improve enormously if you’re more independent of your parents, you’re an adult and it seems they’re not seeing you as such but will eventually. Good luck with the interview!

I don't know if this is helpful but my parents also were/are nice and thought every job I had was wrong in some way, until I was about 40!

It was only when, in my 20s, I told them to either shut up or go no contact, that they shut up. I wasn't living there though.

I don't know what goes on in their heads. When I returned from travelling my dad said "I thought you'd only last a day".

Anyway, what they think and why shouldn't occupy your head space.

I hope you get the job, but if you don't, can you move out anyway?

Good luck.

Good luck OP! I really hope you get it. If not, don't give up, keep looking, just maybe don't tell your parents every time you get an interview so they don't get the chance to take the wind out of your sails.

Thanks so much everyone - the interview went really well I think!!! Just feel so down and unsupported, no one has even asked me how it went

I have a child your age, and your parent's reaction just floors me. It smacks of selfishness. They just don't want you to leave. Please do not listen to them. This is your life and your chance to make changes and spread your wings. Don't allow them to hold you back.

"“You only want to move out because you want to do what you want and see who you want."

If they say this again, tell them they are exactly right. Again, do not allow them to control your life. You will have nothing but regret if you do.

Why are they so controlling? Do you have any other siblings? I can't believe how shitty they're being, as a PP said - you need to move regardless, you will never be allowed grow up otherwise

I think your parents reaction should almost be the very reason you need to go for this job and leave home.
When do you think you’ll hear? Fingers crossed for you x

@threesteakspam1

Thanks so much everyone - the interview went really well I think!!! Just feel so down and unsupported, no one has even asked me how it went

We would like to hear how it went?

I really hope you get the job but if not keep looking and plan to leave home asap. My children are a little older than you and I couldn't imagine treating them like this. One job of parents is to help your children spread their wings and go into the world not hold them back. Good luck!

Well done on your interview !!!

Your mum is a tit, and your dad.
Don’t let them drag you down -
Assholes

Aiming high and bettering your situation - applying for a job and getting an interview - is not impulsive reckless or unrealistic, it's smashing it, well done. It will be tough moving out if you get it but so exciting. Look for other jobs in the city if you don't get this one.

I think that in this instance, and probably in all others, you need to learn to listen to your feelings. The prospect of the job makes you excited. Your parent's attitude makes you feel rubbish. Which feeling do you think you should pursue?

Use this metric in all life decisions. Even small ones. Excitement is hard to come by, and if you'd like excitement in your life, then you have to follow it when it offers its hand to you. And anybody who makes you feel rubbish, or tries to squash your excitement? Spend as little time with them as you can.

As an aside, the 'mature' thing is to make your own decisions based on self knowledge and sense, not to 'do what your mum and dad tell you.' What are they on? You're twenty-bloody-four.

Good luck with this job application, I hope you get it. Rooting for you! But bear in mind that even if you don't, there will be other opportunities you can find; don't let your parents' misery-guts attitude stand in your way. Chase the excitement!

Glad your interview went well, but even if you don't get the job keep looking, you need your own space.

I really really hope you get this job and I hope you get into a flatshare and find the freedom you need and deserve.

I am so sorry you are receiving so little support from your parents, it amazes me that they would speak to you like that.