When is it a rational decision to end your own life?

[Remxhah126]

I have PTSD.

This means I can't cope with a face covering. Please don't tell me I just need to think positive or get some willpower or something. I can't. I've tried and it isn't getting better - it's getting worse.

I haven't been in a shop since early December because of this. I feel massively socially isolated especially as so many of my friends are very vocal about "no excuse not to wear a mask". I know I'm letting down DH who is visually impaired and needs me to be able to go out and about and do stuff like pick up meds and I can't.

I've been sort of hanging on with the promise that this will end in the foreseeable and that there were things I could do - DH and I go for long walks in the country away from people, I have a friend I go jogging with - but recently I've been reading a lot about how vaccinations won't stop the need for masks and today an article suggesting that the government should tighten up on mask regulations and make it mandatory to wear a mask any time you leave your house - for exercise or anything - plus clamping down on travel for exercise so you can only go outside to exercise from your front door so I'd not be able to get away from observers.

This would mean I'd be housebound and probably lose my job. There is potentially no end to this. Financially we are fucked if I lose my job as I'm the major earner.

At what point do I just accept that I can't function in this world? I don't want to kill myself but I genuinely see fewer other options.

Please phone the Samaritans now.
You can be medically exempt to wearing a mask- you really do not have to wear one if it is causing you so much anxiety.

Last time I tried wearing the medically exempt lanyard I got challenged by some woman who demanded to know why I couldn't wear a mask and then freaked out at me when I told her and said I was disgusting and there were children about.

Itst like running a fucking gauntlet to go out without the mask but I have full blown panic attacks (proper can't move keel over attacks) about a third of the time when I do.

I tried to kill myself in April and desperately wish I'd succeeded.

You are exempt, you do not need to wear a mask!
Please, PLEASE, keep yourself safe.

Samaritans: 116 123

I know this isn't the point but can you wear a visor?
It's so shit that you're being made to feel like this. I would never judge anyone not wearing a mask. Not everyone is an arse hole.
Hopefully this pandemic will be over soon. Please hold on, there is light at the end of the tunnel

I'm glad you didn't succeed killing yourself, sounds like you've got things to do in this world. It sounds like you are a lovely wife for one thing.

I echo what the others have said. You are exempt from wearing the mask. Please don't feel guilty for not wearing one.

It doesn't matter what you're friends opinions or anybody's opinions are in wearing masks, don't let these get to you in this way please.

And if anybody challenges you, you do not have to reply. Flash them your lanyard if you want to. Just get in with your shopping as best you can.

Please call the Samaritans.

Much love.

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this OP.

You know that you are exempt and you wear a lanyard to show this - don't engage, feign deafness, walk away.

I'm glad that you didn't succeed and I'm sure others are too, especially those in your life. It sounds like you have things and people to live for.

It is really, really hard right now but it won't always be this way.

I echo calling the Samaritans - and as often as you need to. Saying 'help' is a strength. Well done.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I would just arrange online deliveries at the moment, including your pharmacist. I can wear a mask, but haven't been in a store since mid-December either. I think you'll be surprised to find that the vast majority of us are ordering online since the transmission rate shot up. If 1 in 15 or 1 in 30 people have Covid (in London) it doesn't make sense to spend time with a hundred people in a store.
Carry on with your walks and exercising. I think you are catastrophising unnecessarily with your comments about wearing the mask while exercising. That hasn't happened and is extremely unlikely.
Where do you work that they would dismiss you for not wearing a mask?
4 million people have been vaccinated now OP. The warmer weather is coming, with longer brighter evenings. Think of the good things you can do, rather than focusing on a weekly visit to a shop.

I agree - online deliveries are your friend (and mine).

The current situation must feel neverending for you OP

I think regardless of what the government say about masks, people wearing them will decrease significantly once cases start dropping - they are uncomfortable and people will be eager to get back to pre pandemic normal. I know it feels endless now, but it won't be like this forever.

For the time being, I second what other posters have suggested about just telling anyone who hassles you that you are exempt and not engaging beyond that. I'm so sorry that some take it upon themselves to be the mask exemption police.

Thank you for the kindness all. I'm going to try and get some sleep now and maybe call Samaritans in the morning. It just feels so hard but I can last another day.

Glad to hear, OP. A day at a time. Remind yourself you've got through days as bad before. Rest well tonight and take care.

I know that people say that vaccination won't stop the need for masks but I really believe that it will stop being mandatory in a few months. I don't think that we will all keep wearing them once that most people had their chance to vaccinate. I'm very vulnerable and haven't been to a shop since march. It feels really shit, doesn't it? But it will pass and covid will become like the measles. Stay away when you think you have it but otherwise just l

Posted too soon
*live your life.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

@Remxhah126

Thank you for the kindness all. I'm going to try and get some sleep now and maybe call Samaritans in the morning. It just feels so hard but I can last another day.

Take it one day at a time and email or call the Samaritans daily if it helps [email protected]

This upsets me to hear this please call Samaritans honey x

Not all 'disabilities' are visible and people have no right to assume anything about you, they do not know your story. Do what you need to do to keep going. So glad you get out for exercise with a friend and your dh. Bless you.

One day at a time Remxhah x

www.gov.uk/government/publications/face-coverings-when-to-wear-one-and-how-to-make-your-own/face-coverings-when-to-wear-one-and-how-to-make-your-own

From the gov website. Scroll down to the Exemption Card section. The website tells you what to do.

How are you today OP?
Hoping you are feeling ok.

@Remxhah126

Hold on in there, it won't be this bad for too much longer.

If you are in Cornwall PM me, I'm out and about all the time for work so I would be happy to pick stuff up for you if needs be.

Take care and try to see this as an opportunity to stay at home to get well and look after yourself, we all lead busy lives and it's difficult to stop but sometimes it's good for us to stop and relax.