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Mental health

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Original poster

What is PND - am I just tired, over emotional...should i just pull myself together...help!

28 replies

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 13:44

Hello
I sit here with tears streaming down my face. I have 2 dds. One is 25 months, one is 4 and a half. They are both perfect and beautiful and I adore them. But I am feeling really crappy lately, and I don't remember it first time round.
dd1 sleeps through - and has done since 6 months after sleep training. dd2 still wakes a few times a night. dp was at home with me from birth of dd1 to a week before dd2 was born. I feel like he has withdrawn emotional support since providing financial.
We never ever argued before, I felt he was always there and now I feel so alone. I feel like it is easier when he is not here as he adds to the pressure - and I don;t know where the pressure is from. i don;t know if I am putting it on myself, but i just feel like i am fighting back tears all the time. I feel like i am short tempered with dd1 when i should be supportive. i feel so so alone. i feel like i can;t even cope with the house work and keeping on top of chores and washing and everything upsets me. i never ever used to get stressed about anything. i hate feeling like this. part of me thinks i should just pull myself together... anyone there to cheer me up a bit?

OP posts:

PuffTheMagicDragon · 26/10/2004 13:48

Pinkpootle, have you talked to your gp?

bundle · 26/10/2004 13:52

does your dd1 go to a group? does your partner do anything with your oldest? when my dd1 was a year old i got dh and her out of the house on a saturday to a music class, i went off into town, or just chilled for a few hours. but do see your gp if you feel there is more to it than needing a few hours off duty (from what is after all your full-time job) from being a mum.

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 13:53

no. it has all come to a head right now as dp walked out the door to work leaving me crying. he has sonce apologised but ai am still crying. i don't really want to admit that i can't cope, i haven't really got anyone i trust to talk to. i don't want to admit i am failing at being a mommy to my baby and toddler and i know i am lucky for being able to have babies and feel like i jsut need to get on with it... don't know how to brooch the subject or what to say and hate crying in front of people...

OP posts:

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PuffTheMagicDragon · 26/10/2004 14:00

Can you get some time to talk things through with your dh?

Your comment about his withdrawal of emotional support seems very significant and is maybe at the root of how bad you are feeling.

bundle · 26/10/2004 14:02

pinkpootle, would dd1 go to a playgroup on her own? one of the best gifts I've tried to bestow on my dd's is independence. you do not need to do this on your own. go out now - or whenever - and get some air, problems feel far less bad when you have the sky above you rather than a ceiling, hemming you in.

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:02

i think you might be right puffthemagicdragon. he seems to dicate my moods more than anything. he is my best friend and i think i miss him too, we had 2 years at home together looking after one, then i am landed with 2, one a week old, while he is out at work... thanks, for caring it makes a difference

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:04

i don;t know if dd1 would go on her own, she screams the place down when i go for my ten minute cup of tea at the toddler group. i do have her name down to start nursery but that won't be until next nov. i find it hard to give her up too, i hate the thought of other people looking after her - i feel like she is my responsibility

OP posts:

yingers74 · 26/10/2004 14:11

pinkpootle, it is hard to let go, but apart from the initial shock, she will love it.
I am sorry to hear you are feeling low, i think it is the case that you and your dp need to get some time together to talk through your feelings and to work out what is going on. Perhaps your mum could have them both for one evening.

bundle · 26/10/2004 14:14

pinkpootle, you are her mum but she's not totally your responsibility and if you want to you can give someone else a chance - your partner, other carers you feel happy with - to share that. she won't love you any less and you may feel a little less under pressure for it. do you & your partner get out alone? could your mum babysit? try & have some fun, alone, as well as the more serious stuff of addressing how you're feeling at the moment.

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:15

she is very social and i think she would love it, the problem lies with me as much as her i think. i have found it so hard to be seperated from her, the first time i spent more than an hour was when she was 15 months and had to go for a scan for dd2.
think i really need to talk to dp...thank you

OP posts:

PuffTheMagicDragon · 26/10/2004 14:16

Pinkpootle, two children is VASTLY different to having 1 child - I found it a hell of a shock to the system and its really hard to keep your relationship going with your partner. Me and dh are permanently slumped in front of the box at night - too knackered to have any sort of conversation.

Is there anyone who can babysit for you on a regular basis?

If not, there are agencies you can pay who are meant to be very good - you get to know the babysitter and they are very reliable.

I know its hard, but try to make some time for yourself and your best friend - your dh.

We have finally sorted ourselves out with a babysitter. Just knowing that we CAN have a night out if we want to makes an enormous difference.

Petesmum · 26/10/2004 14:17

I agree with the others that you need to see your GP or Health visitor for some support - whether emotional or of the pescription kind.

I am absolutely convinced that you're being a wonderful mum and you clearly love your DD's lots & lots otherwise you wouldn't be so upset.

Would your DP agree to looking after the girls one night a week to give you a couple of hours off? My DP looks after DS on a wednesday night which allows me to visit friends, relatives, go to the gym (very rarely!) and just be me for a little while.

Perhaps you could alternate which DD you leave with your mum to give DD1 some more 1 to 1 time with you? It might help her over come the clinginess.

A night out with your DP might also give you both the space & time you need to talk about how these changed circumstances have affected you - could your mum babysit for an evening? Perhaps your DP also feels bad about the situation - I've read articles where DP's feel pushed out of the family when they're the sole bread winner.

I'll be thinking of you....

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:18

thanks bundle. there are so many things i want to do for me but i feel so guilty about it. i want to learn to crochet, i have een asked to do an MA next year, i have loads of books i want to read, i want to get back into yoga - i just put me last and never seem to get time to get through the list of other things to get to the me bit. i do love being a mom and i put it efore everything else. but now i think maye that is wrong...

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Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:20

thank you all, you are making me cry now for knowing that you can share this. i am such a sap!

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bundle · 26/10/2004 14:21

pinkpootle, investing in yourself, making yourself a happy mum will reap rewards for your children as well as the obvious result of making you a happier person too. sometimes i know we feel like we need permission to do things for ourselves, i'm so glad i shoved (almost literally) dh and dd1 out of the door when she was just over a year, to their music classes, it brought them closer together and gave me a break. a friend of mine has just asked me to show her how to crochet too! go girl!

MrsBigD · 26/10/2004 14:23

pinkpootle, just read this thread and let me assure you you are not failing at being a mommy! If you haven't done so yet, go and see your GP. I was in a similar predicament when I felt stupid about being unable to cope with just one baby then 6 months old, this being my dd, now nearly 3 years. Eventually I was such a wreck and nearly gave in to some rather violent/distructive behaviour that I knew something had to happen before anything happened... went to see my GP and she was brilliant as she assured me that I was not being stupid but that in fact there are many mums out there who are having difficulties coping, but just don't or can't admit it a) to themselves nor b) to others in the fear of being stigmatised as someone suffering from a mental illness.

PND is a serious issue that needs to be addressed. If you don't get support from your husband/partner and need to talk to someone who's been there - and probably heading for it again as I'm already struggling after just having had ds 7 weeks ago and dreading the first few times I 'have to be alone' with both my children. So far I've had either my father, my mother or my husband around to help me. As of this week... I'll only be 'dumping' dd twice at the childminder - which she suddenly doesn't want anymore as she wants to stay home with mama and baby... anyhow... my email is [email protected] if you want a less public chat. 'Chin up it can only get better' was and is my motto

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:23

hey, crocheting is the new knitting...but i can't do that either. i think i need to let up on myself a bit. when i do get out with the girls for dinner, i do feel better
maybe i should get dp to iron instead of me or something...

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:25

mrsbigd - thanks, i might just take you up on that!

OP posts:

bundle · 26/10/2004 14:25

definitely get out more. would you like me to send you some simple instructions (ie photocopies of pictures from a book) about how to crochet? it's easy peasy. or try and get some of your girlfriends to meet up for a knitting/crochet evening - with wine, obviously.

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:28

ooh, instructions would be cool, thanks bundle. think i'll be on my own though. most of my friends are still ino going out drinking, none have babies, most have no partners and are at home still - at 30! i think crocheting would not be on their list of fun things to do - but i have always een out on a limb from them, no change
thank you

OP posts:

bundle · 26/10/2004 14:30

where do you live? in london it's now quite trendy to knit, obviously with the wine included...one of my friends used to help me do the making up (i'm crap at it) and we just used to stitch & bitch, as it's known...

Original poster

pinkpootle · 26/10/2004 14:32

i don't think the trend has hit stockport yet we are near manchester so when it does, they'll be sorry. i am doing it in conjunction with sil, but she is in usa

OP posts:

MrsBigD · 26/10/2004 15:38

I like the 'stitch & bitch'! didn't know it was fashionable :P . used to stitch, but somehow now there are never enough hours in the day. Then again I had gone back to work after dd and might not be able to now I've got ds as well as childcare would cost more than I'd be earning. one contributor to feeling low at times! and No parents or out-laws to help us out there , well my hubby is glad my mum's in a different country, need I say more? ;)

MrsBigD · 26/10/2004 15:39

pinkpootle
take me up on it anytime. if response is slow then my little monsters are keeping me busy...

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