I’m at the end of my tether I think.
The only thing keeping me here is basic will to live.
I’m so lonely. I’ve not seen any friends since last March. I’ve lost contact with most because I’m not good on the phone and hate zoom. Everyone I know is struggling anyway and what can they really do? What would help is being able to see someone and do something normal and that’s not possible right now.
I was ok last lockdown because I didn’t think we’d still be in it a year later but now I’m realising this is it. Maybe for another year, maybe longer. It’s the same for everyone I know.
I can’t get any space. The dc and dh are here all the time and it’s making me feel like I cannot breathe. I don’t have a great relationship with dh and lockdown has compounded it but made it much harder for me to leave.
I cannot see then point in going on. I have felt suicidal before but I usually hang on in there until it abates. This is not abating. It’s getting worse. I just want an off switch, I’m scared if I make mess of it and fail I will be left with a disability and will be even more of a burden.
How do I make this better on my own? I just don’t know how.